Tree Mania

I wasn't always obsessed with trees. I have always loved trees, but didn't care much about identifying them. Due to various reasons, some of which I am not even aware, I got interested in identifying trees. And I am pretty sure that my beloved MN Krishna Rao park provided the right atmosphere. Walking there every morning and taking my daughter to play there every evening, it did things to me. It is difficult not to be immune to the charms of trees, especially lovely, old, might trees. I think I started considering them my friends, and was ashamed that I couldn't name my friends, and so....

This spring, I have reached the peak of my obsession. That is why the article, the photographs....

My mania has rubbed off on Puttachi too...

S: Which one is honge, point it out to me....
Me: Wait, let me show you... it's a very beautiful tree...
Puttachi:  (horrified) Amma, what are you saying?  All trees are beautiful!

S: Which one is that?
Me: Tabebuia
S: But I thought Tabebuia is yellow....
Puttachi:  (In an all-knowing tone) Papa, Tabebuia can be yellow and pink.

Attagirl!

For those of you who have been asking for more information, here are a few books and links:

Hasiru Honnu by BGL Swamy - A book in Kannada, it is an account of a field trip by a Biology class in a college. A very entertaining story, but with liberal doses of information on trees, their uses, their origins. An utter delight. This was one of the first books I read in Kannada.

Namma Maragalu by HR Krishnamurthy (Published by Karnataka Rajya Vijnana Parishat.) - Again in Kannada.  This is just a straight, sincere account of common Indian trees. Very informative.

The problem with both the above books is that there are no photographs, only sketches. And it is not very easy for a newbie to relate the sketch to the actual tree/leaf.

This book - Indian Institute of Science - A Botanist's Delight - K.Sankara Rao solves that problem. Full of great photographs, with short writeups on all flowering trees, and even bushes and plants.

Updated: The Book of Indian Trees by K C Sahni, published by the Bombay Natural History Society - another good book about trees, with plenty of details, a lot of sketches and a few photographs (Thanks, Anu.)

Then, there are a couple of excellent online links that have pictures and information all in one.

Flowers of India

Flowering Trees-1 and Flowering Trees-2

Trees of India

Here I leave you with some more pictures from MN Krishna Rao park. By the way, all the photographs I have taken of flowering trees are from this one park!

Eucalyptus Tree


A bustling bee-hive

Beautiful, tender new peepul leaves

 
 The utterly fascinating gulmohar tree - gnarled branches, straight out of a fairy tale.

This is a silk cotton tree, I think.  A similar-looking tree next to it has mature pods falling down to the ground, and is bursting open, with soft silk-cotton spilling out.  I don't know why this tree is still leafless, and the pods are still green.

Sausage Tree (courtesy Anu)

Plumeria

Deva kanagile or Plumeria - beautiful flowers with a lovely fragrance.



Is the flower in the second photo also devakanagile? A slightly different version maybe? The trees look very similar, and so do the flowers, though the second one is smaller. Do let me know if you know.

Jacaranda, Pongamia, Copperpod and Gulmohar

Jacaranda is quite distinctive - it is difficult to miss these flowers. They stay on the tree for a very long time. And they totally transform even the surroundings of the tree. The carpet of mauve flowers is particularly pretty.


Pongamia (Honge) is one of the prettiest of trees. Thick foliage, with all the leaves pointing downwards, there are some lovely specimens I can see on the roads. This is a relatively small tree, and not the best-looking one. In the breeze, these leaves ripple so gently. Mesmerizing.

Small flowers of the honge tree. They have a beautiful fragrance, and right now, the ground underneath these trees are covered with these little blossoms.


The copper pod tree with little yellow flowers and the distinctive copper-coloured pods. Very tall trees. And there are so many of them around. These trees are also planted to line roads, as I have observed. They are all in bloom now, and again, the ground underneath these trees is practically covered with these yellow blossoms.

 The gulmohar has just started blooming. In just a few weeks, all the gulmohar trees will be ablaze with scarlet. These are the early ones.
 

Tabebuia

 Tubular flowers that grow in clusters. The yellow tabebuia bloomed first, and then the pink and white.  They stay for a very short time, just a week or so, before they start drying up and falling off.



Yellow tabebuia with flowering rain tree in the background.

Mahogany

These trees are what I would call "tall and stately." 

The tiny yellow-green flowers are falling now, and you can see carpets of it below the mahogany trees.  They have a lovely, subtle fragrance.  The pod you see contains the seeds like those in the photo below.


When tossed in the air, these seeds whirl and then fall down very beautifully.

Rain Tree

Rain Tree - with a large, symmetrical umbrella-like canopy.  You can see them all over South Bangalore lining avenues.

These are the flowers of the rain tree

Once the flowers dry up, they fall, and make a kind of carpet on the floor, like this.  You can see them in bunches on the road everywhere right about now.
Those pods you see are the ones from which we used to make cork balls in our childhood.  You can also frequently see them on tarred roads, absolutely flattened, with only the seeds protruding from the road.

Myths and Stereotypes about Stuttering

There was an article How to curb a stammer  in Deccan Herald Living Supplement.   The author is supposedly a professional, but the article is filled with myths and stereotypes about stuttering and people who stutter.

I was very angry, doubly so because it is professionals such as these who should spread awareness about stuttering, and instead, he is propagating nonsense.  I wrote this letter to DH:

I read with dismay the misleading article on stuttering "How to curb a stammer" in today's DH Living.  The author suggests that low self-esteem and low confidence leads to stuttering.  This is one of the several myths and false perceptions that exist about stuttering and people who stutter.  Stuttering could possibly lead to low self-esteem and low confidence because of the insensitivity of people, but the converse is not necessarily true. 

The article also refers to stuttering as a "handicap."   It also perpetuates the same stereotypes about stuttering that ought to be dispelled by professionals like the author himself.  Misinformed articles like this perform a disservice to people who stutter by desensitizing people further.

Shruthi Rao.

It was not published.

So I thought I would take this up on my blog - because as a person who stutters myself, I have had it up to here with insensitivity towards people who stutter (PWS). 

In the article, the author says:

1) "Stuttering is a handicap."  It need not be a handicap.  Simple and plain.  I feel that labelling stuttering a handicap automatically creates negativity in the minds of PWS.  While it might be true that there are certain professions and situations where having a stutter is a disadvantage, there are many PWS who have gone beyond this disadvantage to achieve what they want to.  And PWS who are already wallowing in the depths of the misery of not being able to speak fluently, need to know this.  That life is not the end if you have a stutter.

2) "Stuttering is caused by low confidence and low self-esteem."  Like I said in my letter above, this is not true.  While it is still not certain what causes stuttering, making a generalized statement like this only serves to reinforce stereotypes, as well as give parents and teachers of young children especially, the wrong idea. 

Guess what, I started out thinking I'll tackle this man's article line by line.  But turns out that when I look at it that way, I will have to reproduce his whole article and tell you what is wrong with it. 

But suffice to say for now:

1) Nobody knows what causes stuttering, exactly.  We only know what possibly aggravates a stutter. (And it differs from person to person)

2) Just because people who don't usually stutter, tend to stutter when they are nervous and anxious or scared, it is assumed that people who stutter are by nature nervous and anxious and shy and not confident.  That is not true.

3) Stuttering might cause a person to become less and less confident.  But low-confidence doesn't necessarily cause stuttering.


4) PWS are not less intelligent or less capable in any way than people who don't stutter

5) A person who stutters severely can be happy, healthy individuals with fulfilling careers or happy childhoods, leading a contented life, with lots of friends, and with great relationships.   They can even be miserable and unhappy.  But this holds good even for a person who doesn't stutter. 

I'll probably do more posts on this topic soon, but I've got over my anger and dismay over that misleading article, and so I will stop now. 

How to identify common Indian trees

My article on how to identify common Indian trees in today's Open Sesame. 

If you get a chance, do look at the print version. It has one of the pictures I sent them along with the article, and some links.

It is lovely when you start recognizing trees - it is like meeting old friends.  Spring is the best time to start learning to identify trees because the blossoms make it much easier for you. 

I was showing Puttachi all the trees I know on our daily walk in the lovely old  park near our home.  She was really fascinated, trying to identify them on her own based on what I had told her, and that made me think other children might be interested too, and thought of writing this article.  Puttachi was with me when we took pictures of the flowering trees, and she is really thrilled about the picture she helped take, appearing in her favourite newspaper.

My knowledge on trees is still woefully meager, and I am still working on it myself.  And it is good fun.

Celebrating Myself

The folks at Women's Web want to know what about me is worthy of a celebration.  

There are a number of things I like about myself. And there are a number of things I don't.

But I won't let the nice things about me become a reason for my liking me. I won't let the unpleasant things about me become a reason for my disliking me.

I like me, as I am.

That does not mean I don't value the good things about me. That does not mean I will not strive to change the bad things in me.

But I will accept the fact that with both the good and bad, I am me.

And since I am me, and I am all that I will have for certain all my life, I will not dislike me. I will not judge me, I will not demean me.

I will not let other people's ideas about how I should be, affect me or the way I live.


I will not expend needless energy in unproductive thoughts and worries.

I know I will have moments of gloom and doom. But I will overcome them.

And I will love myself. Respect myself. Look after myself. Celebrate myself.

Today and every day.

Thank you, food bloggers!

I love variety in food.  And since I am the cook at home, it falls upon me to provide my taste buds the varied tastes it craves. 

I am always looking for different ways to cook every vegetable.  And there are only so many recipe books one can buy.  So I turn to that saviour of all info-seekers - the internet.

It is unbelievable how many food bloggers are out there.  How many of them take the time and effort to chronicle their efforts in the kitchen and put them out there for everybody to see! 

Whenever I find myself tired of eating a vegetable in all the ways I can cook it, I just run a google search with " recipes"  and then I sit back and survey the endless recipes that turn up.  Sometimes I enter searches with the name of the vegetable in all languages I know.

It takes me an average of five minutes to zero in on a recipe that is:
- quite different from anything I've made.
- simple
- quick

Sometimes, I make drastic changes in the recipe - for example, I add lentils to a curry recipe to make it suit nutritional requirements, sometimes I add some other vegetable that I feel might go well with that one.

So far, the result has been at worst, palatable, and at best, delicious.  For every five dishes I make this way, one turns out to be a hit, and enters our regular menu.

Sometimes, if I have a hunch that a vegetable can be cooked in a certain way, I give a specific google search. For example, something made me think that dosas made from raw bananas might taste good, so I gave a "Baalekayi dose" search, found many recipes, chose one, and that turned out to be yum.

I really admire the patience food bloggers have.  I am a person whose sole aim is to dash into the kitchen, drum up a healthy, tasty meal in the least possible time, and then dash out, and get on with life.  So I cannot understand how someone can have the patience to make a dish, and instead of running out of the kitchen after that, transfer the dish into attractive bowls, take photos, upload the photos, write down those recipes with the correct measurements...phew!

I know the effort it takes because I have seen my mom work on her food blog with so much interest. 

Every time I like a recipe, I think of going back to the blog and leaving a comment on the site, thanking the blogger.  But I never do get around to doing that.  So here's thanking all you food bloggers out there for sharing your recipes with the rest of the world.  Thanks for making eating more interesting for me.

What to do this summer

Puttachi is mighty kicked that her vacation is starting in a month.  And she is going into overdrive planning how she'll spend her days.  So I asked her to sit down and make a list of what she wants to do, and she came up with this, and stuck it on the refrigerator.

This is the first time she's written so much at one go.  And I find this a fascinating study, because she hasn't yet started full-fledged reading, and has written all this just by applying her knowledge of phonics to how she hears words being said.  All the "ing" words are "yg" to her, and I find that both funny and interesting.

Anyway, here's what she's written, and what she actually meant. :)

1. Fygar Papet   - Finger puppet
2. Klot-Dol    - Cloth Doll
3. Kards    - Cards (as in making greeting cards)
4. Kookyg    - Cooking
5. Lanyg Musik    - Learning Music
6. Dans 2 Musik    - Dance to Music (The 2 for "to" is hers - does sms language come naturally?  shudder!)
7. Bakyg-kake-mafins-bred-kookys     - Baking - cake, muffins, bread, cookies
8. Ebroydry    - Embroidery
9. Patyg    - Painting
10. Droyg    - Drawing
11. Groyg plants - Tomato    - Growing plants-tomato.
12. Rark - spots    - Park-sports
13. Lan Kanda    - Learn Kannada (she wants to learn the Kannada alphabet)
14. Rydyg    - Reading
15. Rityg    - Writing
16. Telyg Storys    - Telling stories

With new eyes

One of the nicest things about being with young children is rediscovering the world through their eyes.  It is unbelievable how many things we take for granted. 

Just yesterday, Puttachi asked me loads of questions about space - I don't know how much she actually understood of our discussion, but she was fascinated that you could "travel outwards in a rocket and not reach a wall."  She thought about it all day, and made me think about it too, and that sense of wonder about space was rekindled in me, and sent thrills down my spine. 

And today, during our walk around the park, she wanted to know why all the trees were bare, and then we talked about seasons and trees shedding leaves... and I once again looked at the lovely bare trees with new eyes and a sense of disbelief about what a beautiful, intricate and complex world we live in.

We crunched dry leaves under our feet, collected airborne seeds, and walked hand in hand as Puttachi imagined that she was a fairy who would go and paste new green leaves on the bare trees with Fevicol.

I cannot thank her enough for opening up this whole new world for me!

Home Remedies

I got talking with my dear friend CC about kids and illnesses and home remedies and she suggested I do a post on home remedies, and request my readers to contribute too.  I thought that an excellent idea.  It would be a good repository, something to check back on when needed.

You could post your remedies in the comments section, or email me.  I'll update the post with your remedies, credit them to you, and link to you if you have a site.

But please do keep in mind:

- Let's just stick to home remedies, medicines derived out of things found at home - no medicines bought from the shop, please.
- Are they suitable for children?  Do mention what age group the remedy is suitable for.

I'll start with mine:

1) Steam inhalation - for colds and coughs.  Suitable for even very young children, but under strict supervision.

2) Gargling with warm salt water for sore throats and coughs - My daughter could gargle a little before she was four, but she could gargle full-fledged, without choking, only after she turned four.  Check with your child, and start as early as possible. 

Tip:  Both Steam inhalation and Salt water gargling is very exciting and new at first, but later, kids can get tired of it.  Join them in the activity, give them company. Gargle with them, if you must.  I make up stories, describe each germ that she spits out with each gargle - that makes it fun for her. 

3) Lemon and honey - 1 tsp of honey and 1 tsp of lemon juice, twice a day, we believe, build immunity.  For younger children, dilute it with water, because the taste is a little too strong.

4) Raw garlic is supposed to be excellent for immunity against respiratory problems (not to mention a gadzillion other problems).  Adults should swallow it raw, crushed, with water first thing in the morning.  For my daughter, I chop 1-2 pods into slivers and fry them in a quarter spoonful of ghee.  She actually enjoys it and asks for more, but I don't give it to her more than once a day.  Also, I don't give this to her in the morning, more like in the evening.

5) Tulasi/holy basil - chewed, made into kashaya, mixed with milk... all good for cough.

6) Turmeric - a pinch of it with milk as hot as your child can manage - again for respiratory problems.

7) Kashaya for sore throat and cough. - boil together 1 tbsp coriander seeds, 1 tsp cumin seeds, 4-5 peppercorns, 4-5 tulasi leaves, a pinch of turmeric in a large glass of water, boil until the water reduces to half.  Drink as is, or with honey/jaggery, or with milk, or with milk and honey, as hot as possible.  (It works very well for me, but somehow kashaya doesn't seem to agree with my daughter.)

Also, there are many more versions of kashaya, with additions and deletions, do give your recipe.

8) Stomach discomfort - swallow 1/2 tsp of methi seeds with warm water. Not sure about small children, I give 1/4 tsp to my 4.5 year old daughter.

9) Gas in your tummy - sit in Vajrasana (preferable), or stand with both feet together.  Lift your arms slowly sideways, take them over your head, fold your palms over your head, stretching your arms all the while.  Bring them back down.  Repeat this 8-10 times slowly.  Great relief.

10) Temporary relief from non-stop cough - suck a raisin, or kallu-sakkare (literally "stone sugar" - a lump of sugar)

I'll probably add more as I remember.  Meanwhile, please add your remedies.

Updated on Feb 21st:

Thank you all for your wonderful home remedies, and please keep them coming.  I would have loved to categorize the remedies according to the health problem - Any volunteers? :)

Anon:
The below remedies are for kids above 3 yrs of age:

for temporary relief from scratching non stop during chicken pox, brush the body with neem twigs with the leaves on whenever you have the urge to scratch. Helps to scratch without causing permanent scars.

Turmeric paste on wounds as antiseptic - 'paste' because i don't trust any of the brands for purity and would prefer to make my own paste using turmeric stick on a 'sanekal'. Turmeric can then be mixed with chandan paste for cooling effect. Helps reduce the scars.

1 bowl Papaya/a handful of raisins/over ripe banana for relief from constipation

For gas relief, boil 1/2 tablespoon ajwain and 1/2 spoon fennel seeds in about 1/2 cup water until the water quantity reduces to half. keep giving 2 spoons of this water every couple of hours.
For new born babies (0-6weeks), an adult simply chews ajwain and fennel seeds and then blows out through the mouth on the
stomach of the baby. The gases supposedly permeate through the skin to bring relief!

Dr MS Raghunandan
 before giving one home remedy which has been tried and tested on my children any number of times, i will suggest one home remedy which i come across very often and which should be AVOIDED in case of a tooth ache -HOT PACKS. It spreads infection.

When children/infants have diarrhoea the skin around the anus turns raw and is extremely irritating. If you have what is known as 'Alalekaayi' in kannada, available in any 'Granthige angadi' ( i do not know the english name) grind it to make a paste just as sandal paste is made and apply it on the skin. works wonders. one alalekaayi lasts years.

Abhipraya:

 For loosies - give the child pomegranates. Boiling couple of pomegranate leaves in water, straining and having that water also helps. Kids don't mind this because it has not particular flavour.

For cold - crush doddapatre leaves and Tulasi leaves, extract juice and give it with a bit of honey. Brings great relief.


Anon:
Clean and dry roast 2 cups of mature [dark green]curry leaves, and quarter tea spoon of black pepper. powder them together.

At the beginning of the meal mix a quarter spoon of this mixture with hot rice and ghee [modalanna] and give to children above 3 years of age.

Good for immunity, flem control, balances iron and fibre content too.

Said to be very good during monsoon and cold months.

Austere: 
 ghee as a soothing balm on tender areas.
for adults-- hing + adrak powder soonth + jaggery-- for upset tums
for gas-- ajwain + salt to be washed down with water

Parijata
 For boosting immunity: A glassful of milk mixed with a spoon of honey.

And this is what we do when we have had a heavier-than-usual meal. Stir a little hing-water and a little menthya (methi) powder into a glass of buttermilk and sip it slowly. Kids like it too.

If cough bothers at night, just toss a few black peppercorns and a a little kaDale bELe (Chana dal). Do not chew, but it is okay if you do. Amazing relief from cough. Lavanga also works well.

For diarrhea in infants jayikayi gandha (thin nutmeg paste) works well, but it should be used in a very small quantity (1 round on the saaNekallu for a month-old baby). This prevents dehydration but might not remove any infection. Better used only in emergency.

Radhika:

Stomach ache :

Take half lemon, sprinkle baking soda and bit of salt, prick with a fork.

It starts bubbling like soap bubbles. Just lick it! It’s quite tasty and my daughter enjoys it.

Throat pain/cough: crush doddapatre leaves, squeeze the juice, add bit of salt, take one spoon.

It’s not that bad to taste but my daughter doesn’t like it. So I put it directly to her throat so that she doesn’t get the taste :)

Indigestion: Buttermilk with hing and salt. Tasty and works wonders. 

WARNING: EVERYTHING SHOULD BE DONE IN MODERATION. IF SYMPTOMS PERSIST, PLEASE CALL THE DOCTOR.

Playing only to learn?

What's with toys and games nowadays?  All of them come labelled with what benefits can be derived by playing with them.  Develops visual-spatial skills, increases left-brain performance, fine-tunes hand-mind coordination, enables pincer grip in readiness for writing in school, enhances counting and strategic skills....

Hello, what happened to playing for fun? 

"By Us, For Us" - A review

"By Us, For Us" is a collection of stories by young children, presented by HP Write and Read, and Katha.  These stories have been selected from among many stories that resulted from creative writing workshops that were conducted for school children across India.  Prasoon Joshi was the mentor, and he was the one who made the final selection.

The book reached me by post.  As I unwrapped it and opened the book, I couldn't help thinking that this is the kind of book that is the ultimate argument for real books as against e-books. 

It is a gorgeous book.  The pages and the printing are of excellent quality. The font makes you want to just start reading.  And the illustrations are wonderful.  So colourful, striking, and that coupled with the beautiful, glossy pages, I just wanted to run my fingers over the illustrations.  In fact, I could spend hours just admiring the artwork in the book!  I think the HP Imaging and Printing Group have done an excellent job with this book.

As for the stories themselves, it made me smile to read them.  My guess is that the writers are between 10 and 15 years of age.  And the stories reflect that age.  They are filled with moral righteousness, a fierce commitment to save the environment and wildlife, and the urge to use recently learned words, facts and figures.  Some words are used in irrelevant places, some adjectives make no sense, and there are some weird noun forms of words like guiltiness instead of guilt!  Guiltiness is supposedly a valid word, but sounds weird all the same!  Enid Blyton influences, surprise endings, they are all there.  I can imagine myself in that age and I can now nod sagely, thinking of a Tween me writing in the same way.

Some stories are totally pointless, meandering, trying to do too much in two pages. Most of them are just fine, something a bunch of happy kids might have written in their spare time.  But there are a handful which are really good, and these are the ones that stand out immediately, and even make you think. 

These stories are suitable for kids of that Tween age, I think.  I tried to tell some stories to my 4.5 year old, but she didn't seem too impressed.  She looked at me with a "You call this a story?" look.  My conclusion is that these stories, though written in a childlike manner, by children, speak of very adult issues which don't really appeal to a small child.  But there are a couple of stories which are obviously drawn from personal experience, that appealed to my daughter a lot.  So, on the whole, if you are looking at the book for stories for very young children, I wouldn't recommend it.  8-15 would be the right age, I think.

Since the stories are meant for children, and since such an august group has brought this out, I had expected perfection, or something close to it.

But on the back page, it says, "stories with innumerable wit, humour and thoughtfulness..."   Innumerable is used only when you are talking about things you can count (even though you are saying here that there are too many to be counted, you have to be able to count them in the first place.).  Innumerable stars in the sky, for example.  Wit cannot be counted, nor can humour and thoughtfulness.  Innumerable instances of wit, yes.  That would be right.  "Oodles of wit, plenty of wit" yes.  But  not innumerable.  And to find this right on the back cover, was quite shocking, and I must say, unpardonable. (If I am wrong, I would be happy to be corrected.)

Result: Most of the stories are highly imaginative, funny, and sweet.
Price:  It is expensive, at Rs.375, but then, the quality of the book is like that!  Besides, "All proceeds from book sales will go towards helping Katha fund their education programs in underprivileged parts of the country."
Age:  Perhaps not suitable for children learning the language, but will be appropriate for kids between 8-15.   It is a great book for an adult if you are looking for a peek into the Tween subconscious.

This is a good initiative, and I hope more workshops are held, more children are initiated into creative writing, more books come out, and I do hope the selection gets better with each book.

Soldiers and doctors...

I am humming Saare Jahan se Accha.  And as always, Puttachi demands to know the complete history behind every song.  After I finish explaining the meaning,

She: Amma, is this in Hindi?

Me:  No, it's in Urdu.  It is very much like Hindi.

Do people in India speak Urdu?

Yes, many people do.

Do people in other countries also speak Urdu?

Yes, they do.  Pakistan, for instance..

Pakistan?  Never heard of it.

Oh.  It is right next to India.

Really?  Right next to India, meaning it is attached to India?

Yes.

Then we don't need an aeroplane to go there; can we sit in a car and drive to Pakistan?

Yes, theoretically we can...

Amma, please let's sit in a car and go to Pakistan.

It's not that easy, Puttachi.  It is a different country, you see, we'll need passports, visas.

So let's get passports and visas and go to Pakistan.

It is not so easy, Puttachi.  You see... (sigh) India and Pakistan are not really very good friends.

What do you mean?

They fight with each other.

Are they our enemies? Are they bad?

No, no, no, no, Puttachi.....

Do we also fight with them?

No, no (how do I field this without telling her "you are too young to understand?")

You mean soldiers with guns fight against each other?

(she is fascinated by armies so hoping the questions will move away) Yes.

(in thought for a while.) Amma, how do people become soldiers?

They join the army, where they are taught how to be soldiers.

You mean the army teaches them how to use guns and kill people?

(Talk about putting it in perspective!)  Yes, they teach that too, among other things.

Amma, why didn't you become a soldier?

I wanted to become something else...

Why don't you go and become a soldier now?

Now?  I am too old now.

(Anxious) Are you very old, Amma?

No, Putta, I am not that old.  But I am too old to join the army and become a soldier. 

Can I become a soldier when I grow up?

Yes, you can.

What I mean is, I don't WANT to be a soldier.  I am just asking that if I so wish, I CAN be a soldier.  Can't I?

Yes you can.

But you know, right, Amma, that I want to be a teacher, a mother and a doctor?

Yes I do.

First I will become a teacher.  Then I will get married and have a baby.  When the baby grows up, I will become a doctor.

Puttachi, do you know that you can even become a doctor and join the army?  Then you can treat all those soldiers who have been hurt while fighting.

You mean those who have not died, and have only got hurt?

(How does she know such details? I certainly haven't talked to her about it.)  Yes, those soldiers.

(Thinks for a while.)  Amma, I don't want to be a doctor in the army.  I just want to treat small children who have fever and cold.

Oh, you want to be a paediatrician like your Dr.X?

Yes.  No.  I will be a doctor who knows everything.  I will be a doctor of everything.

And will you open your own hospital?

No, no, I will go to a hospital that is already there, I will call all the doctors, and tell them that I can take care of all the patients, and tell them all to go and join some other hospital.

(Beware, docs of the future.  One-in-all Dr.Puttachi is going to put you out of jobs!)

After many years....

Yesterday, I got in touch with a high-school classmate on FB.  He wrote on my wall, "How are you doing?  Still leading the charge against all of MANkind? :)"

For a second, I assumed he must have mistaken me for someone else.  On reflection, I realized that yes, he was talking about the high-school me, and he's got the description of that fourteen-year-girl exactly right.  As I rolled about with laughter at my young self and the apt description, I remembered that yes, I was very firm and stern and vocal against what I saw as atrocities against womankind by that terrible tribe of men, and I made myself very clear about it.  Of course, I still feel strongly about the topic, but I no longer have that fire in my belly.

And I paused for a moment to wonder where that girl has gone.  It sounds funny, if I think of it, that I am the same person.  How different I was then, in so many ways!

Reminds me of something that happened a few months ago.  I had a little black book that I used in my teens, where I noted down phone numbers of friends.  Only the important ones entered the little black book.

I found this book recently, flipped through its pages, and was lost in nostalgia, until I came to an entry, "Prerana (Menaka's friend)"  [Names changed.]  Not only did I not recognize the name Prerana, I did not even recognize the name Menaka.  And Menaka must have been someone I knew quite well, to use her name as a reference for someone else.  I almost felt I was losing my memory or something.  I still have no idea who those two girls are.   But at some point of time, they were important enough to be included in my book!

I know how much people can and do change over the years.   But yet, I found myself making the same mistake branding a certain person by the impression I had of her in my childhood.  At that time, I perceived her as snobbish, and she always made me feel dowdy and insignificant.   I was never really comfortable around her.  After many many years, we got in touch again, and though she repeatedly extended her hand to me in friendship, I turned away with trepidation, the old ghost in me rising up and not being comfortable around her.  Finally, I realized that the problem was with me, and then I myself made the leap and connected with her.  I then realized she's turned into a lovely lady. [It could be argued that she always had been a lovely person, and I had not seen it. :)]  We don't get to interact too often, but I know now that she can be a good friend.

Everybody needs to be given a second chance, everything has to be given the benefit of doubt.  What say?

Defending other people's choices.

When bringing up an impressionable child, there are times when you are faced with not just defending your own choices to the child, but also explaining other people's choices.  And this has to be done without putting the other people in a bad light. 

Puttachi: Amma, X gave me XYZ chips today.  He told me that he will ask his mother to buy me a pack too.

Me: Puttachi, there is a reason why I don't buy XYZ for you.  It contains a harmful substance (MSG) which is bad for everybody, especially for small children.

She: Then why does X's mother buy it for him?

Me: Perhaps she doesn't know that XYZ chips contains that. 

She: Or perhaps she doesn't know it is bad for health.

Me: Perhaps.

She:  Then you should call her up and tell her, Amma, that it is bad.

That is the logical thing that will occur to a child.  But how can I handle this?  I really have no answer.

Another situation:

Puttachi:  Amma, Y's mother lets her eat a whole pack of chips at one go.  Why don't you allow me?

Me:  Puttachi, I believe that too many chips at once is bad for you.  If you eat only a few chips, you will have enough space in your tummy to eat healthy food.  And you know that chips don't have anything that will help your body be strong and healthy. 

She: Then why does Y's mother let her eat so much?

Me:  Puttachi, just like different people have different likes and dislikes, different people have different beliefs.  Some think it is okay to eat a whole pack of chips at one go, but I don't.  See, B's mother doesn't let her play in the sand, but I think it is okay.  It is just a matter of what one believes. 

She: (I'm sure, wishing that her mother had a different set of beliefs)  Okay Amma. But I can eat a few chips, can't I?

Me: Of course, dear.

I will not be surprised at all if she goes and gives Y's mother a lecture next time.  But that is not in my hands.

How do you defend other people's choices?  Or do you?

I am not Supermom!

A few posts ago, when I had written about some challenges I faced during parenting, one commenter had told me that she was glad to read that I face difficulties too, because she had seen me as a super mom/wife/woman.

I think it is time to set the record straight.

I don't blog all the thoughts that come to my head.  Some posts die before they come out of my head.  Some dither at the draft level.  A very few fructify into blog posts. 

And I am not one who cribs or whines in public, nor do I like washing dirty linen in front of virtual strangers.  So I refrain from speaking about many things.  That, perhaps, has portrayed me as this superwoman.

We all know that there is no such thing.  All of us, I think are in a constant state of effort to improve ourselves, whether we know it or not.  To do the thing that we think is best.  For ourselves, for our children.

Parenting doesn't come with a manual.  And to add to that, every child is different.  Besides, we will be deluding ourselves if we think that we are the only ones who have an effect on our children.  The fact is that we live in a society, and inputs and influences come from every direction.

As a result, we are trying to nudge our children in a direction that we think is best - in the midst of all these thousands of little pushes that the child keeps receiving every day, every minute.

And sometimes we don't even know whether what we are doing is right or not.  Is it going to hurt her in the long run?  Is this going to result in some other behaviour problem later in life?  We don't know.  We cannot possibly know.  So we always do what we think is right at that point of time.  Of course we have a long-term view at the back of our minds, but sometimes, we just cannot be sure of what is right.

I am also a victim of that uncertainty.  I have constant doubts about what I am doing, what kind of an example I am setting.  I know I am far from being organized.  What am I showing her by being lazy, disorganized?  It is too much effort for me to maintain a neat and beautiful home.  Yet, I try.  But more often than not, I fail.  I used to be proud of the house my mom maintained.  It gave me pleasure to see how my friends appreciated it.  I used to be terribly vain about my mother's cooking, my mother's sewing.  Even now, when I am at a loss about what to do in certain home-makerly areas, I have the confidence that my mother's magic hands will set everything right.

But will my daughter have that kind of feeling about me?  I am most certain that she will not.  Because I am a totally different person.  True, she might be proud of me in totally different ways, or she might not.  But, it bothers me that I am not setting a certain standard for her to follow.  It bothers me that I don't take her to too many new places, that I don't expose her to enough things. 

I am constantly told that my daughter is too soft.  My view is that it is better she is that than if she is insensitive and rude.  Besides, I feel that if I give her a nice, secure environment now, she will later anyway grow up to be a secure, confident individual.  I don't care if she is not aggressive.  It is enough if she is content.  But is this opinion right?  Is it wrong? 

Am I lax in my nurturing her, because I don't have any fixed structured timetable for her?  Do I have to make her write her alphabet every day?  Do I have to send her to classes, art/sports?  Am I doing the right thing in letting her be, for now?  I think I am, instinct tells me that this is probalby the best thing. But my brain sometimes thinks otherwise. It tells me that it might cause problems later on.   It pushes, prods, points me to other kids.  And sends me into a tizzy of confusion.

I am not some advertisement mom, who wakes up in the morning fresh and bright-eyed,and glides about my day, each hair in place, my clothes neatly ironed, who knows just the right things to do for my child, and does it smilingly.  Far from it.

If there is anything I have achieved, for myself, or for my daughter, it is only by rising above all this.  It is not because of what I am, it is in spite of what I am.

If you have also been thinking that I am a supermom who sails through parenting, be assured that I am not.  I have to make an effort too, sometimes more than I am even capable of.  Yet, all that matters is that I have my daughter's best interests in mind, and that, I feel, is enough to guide me in my way.

A peaceful end to a great year

We had a lovely week at S's mother's village, deep in the Malnad region. Crisp, cool nights and sunny, clear days, with nearly nothing to do all day. If anyone enjoyed herself thoroughly, it was Puttachi. She played with her cousins and the other kids, jumped, screamed, danced, and more than anything, ran. And she ate lots of bananas so she could feed the peels to the cows. She loved the cows, especially the little calf so much, that she would have even spent the night there in the cowshed if we'd let her. As it is, she sat down in some muck trying to hug the calf.

She fed puffed rice to the big fat fish in the river Tunga that flows behind the house, she drew water from the well, ate off banana leaves, and watched in fascination as they used a big stone mortar and pestle to grind food.

And I? I discovered timelessness. I now know what they mean by time standing still. Time refused to move. It would feel like its been hours since I awoke, yet, it would be just ten o clock in the morning. And it wasn't as if I got bored during those long, sluggish hours. I was very much involved in activities like looking at the sky. And for most of the time, I did not even know, nor did I really care what the time was.

But I'm glad to be back.

And I wish you all a wonderful year.