Monday, December 19, 2011

The Thirties

When I was in my early twenties, I had this dread of the thirties.  I don't remember why, though.

But the thirties have been good to me. 

I'm largely comfortable with who I am. There is no more a great struggle to accept myself, my failings, my looks - now I largely know (or think I know) who I am.  But yet, I'm still searching for myself in some way or the other - wondering why I can't get myself to be better at this thing, or why I cannot seem to persuade myself to go out and do that thing.  But compared to the twenties, I can say that my boat is far steadier now.

I've found a little niche for myself, and I'm no longer floundering about wondering what is happening around me.   I've learnt that there is something I can be good at - at which, with some effort, I can perhaps be better than just good.  Yet, I know that I have such a long way to go that any little progress I make seems insignificant. 

I can see that I am more understanding, more loving, and definitely far more accepting and non-judgmental than I ever was. 

I understand my family, my friends and loved ones better, and am more appreciative of their role in my life.

I've known my spouse long enough to know that behind (what I think are) his idiosyncrasies, there beats a sincere and loving heart.  Yet, I don't know him so well that he doesn't spring a surprise on me from time to time.

I love my child, and I know her well.  So I know where I stand in terms of nurturing her, and yet, there is so much I don't know, making every day a learning process.  Every decision is a fine balance - frightening, yet exciting.  Ultimately, very rewarding. 

Yes, the thirties is definitely a better place than the twenties. 

19 comments:

M S Raghunandan said...

wishing you even better forties and fifties!

haathitime.com said...

As I approach the 30s and feel so much of that struggle to know and accept myself. To steady my boat, I hope I have as much clarity as you do when I get there.

And as for you, may it only get better with the 40s and the 50s and so on!

Aarthi said...

Happy Birthday Shruthi

Shruthi said...

Thank you, Raghu Mama!

Haathi, I hope you do too - in fact, I'm sure you will. Even in my late twenties, I was a dithering, dilly-dallying person. No that I'm not like that any more, but I can feel the improvement.

Aarthi, it isn't my birthday, not yet, anyway :)

Anonymous said...

Shruthi,
Think about this...
"If sixteen is sweet, thirty-two is doubly so!"
Is it not?

CC said...

I wish I could say the same! 30s have been testing in every possible way for me!!!! hahaha! so much that I'm ready to look forward to 40s and this is from someone who had bday blues at 26!!!!

Slogan Murugan aka M S Gopal said...

It's been the same with me too. There are the struggles but it's been smooth sailing. And I don't think I think about the 40s :)

Aarthi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aarthi said...

I should have been clear. I wished because I remembered your Birthday is around this time of the year :)

Nithya said...

Happy Birthday Shruthi! Hope you have a great one!!

Ravi Lobo said...

Here's one more blog link on the same theme: Thirties!
http://thecompulsiveconfessor.blogspot.com/2011/12/dad-joke-why-is-thirty-dirtiest.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FdGao+%28The+Compulsive+Confessor%29

There is so much difference between you two. I myself don't agree with the many things the other blogger (Meenakshi) has to say. But it's nice to see things from her point-of-view. You might want to add this blogger in your follow-up list.

austere said...

Things get better with the years. Wait till you're past 45. :)
I can swear I haven't been as content or as focused on what I want, in all my life.

ps Have you read Joan Didion? google!

MyGrahak said...

The transition from the 20s to the 30s is a tough and clever stage. It is good that you have coped with it in much mature way. I have seen many who were not able to do that. Wish you all the best. Keep posting.

Divya Bhaskar
MyGrahak.com

LAK said...

Happy New Year! You've been tagged!

Shruthi said...

Anon, absolutely!

CC, *hugs* I know its been pretty terrible for you. But see, it can only get better now!

Aarthi, you're amazing! Thanks so much :)

Nithya, I did, thank you so much!

Ravi, I read her for a a while a long time ago.

Austere, if life gets better with age, I don't think I'm afraid of aging :) Googled her! Would you reco any of her works?

MyGrahak, thanks!

Lak, ouch! I never make resolutions ;)

praneshachar said...

as time flies you are more exposed saw more of life and certainly thirties will be better than 20s and 40s will be better than.........
we get to understand others start thinking differently so it makes difference. responsibilities increase after you are a parent mother you understand your parents and mother much much better than u were when you were in college always arguing life is like that and its gr7 for me to be in the elite co., cheers to you

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