Gifting love...

Heard of the story "Gift of the Magi" by O Henry? Its a touching story, where there is a young couple who love each other very much. They are very poor. Christmas is approaching and they want to give each other gifts, but have no money. The wife wants to buy her husband a gold chain so that he can hang his beloved heirloom gold watch, and not carry it in his pocket, . The husband wants to buy his wife a set of pearl combs for her long, luxuriant, beautiful hair. But neither has the money. Finally the wife sells her hair and buys the chain, and the husband sells his watch and buys the combs. So the wife is left with combs and no hair, and the husband is left with a chain but no watch. Very touching, very heartbreaking story. Fine. But I had never realised, why did they have to give each other the gift in the first place? What is the need? Both of them know that they love each other a lot, and that they don't have money. So why the compulsion?

My parents tell me often of their experiences in Germany. They had made plans to visit a German colleague's mother in another town. On the way, the colleague stopped at a florist and bought a bouquet of flowers to take to his mother. He explained that you should never go empty-handed. How strange! Such compulsions to go and meet your own mother! (Of course, he must have taken an appointment before that!).

I heard of an Indian lady working in the US. On her birthday, she received no flowers from her husband, and her co-workers came to the conclusion that her marriage is on the rocks. Exasperated by their commiserances, she took to sending a bouquet of flowers to herself every birthday and valentine's day and signing her husband's name as the sender. What a pathetic state of affairs!

Ok, I agree, giving gifts is a beautiful concept, it shows that you care. But what irks me is that it is made into a compulsory ritual, a symbol of love, whether you like it or not.

Sandesh and I had our birthdays last month. I did not give him anything, and he did not give me anything. Does that mean we don't love each other? If I had known that he wanted something, but had not bought it, I would have gone and gifted it to him as a surprise. In fact, if I get to know something like that now, I will not wait for an occasion, I will just go ahead and gift it to him anyway! Why the compulsion? Around my birthday, a score of people asked me, "Soooo, what did Sandesh give you for your birthday? Especially, the first birthday after the wedding!" I said, "Nothing!". So they said, "Nothing??" and their faces grew troubled and their voices grew soft with sympathy, and some of them even whispered "But why?". I don't have an answer to that!! I was so bugged, that I told Sandesh that on my next birthday, I would go and get myself some useless expensive gift and tell everybody that he bought it for me, just to shut their big mouths. He just laughed and said, "Tell them that your hubby gave you L-O-L. What's that? Lots of love."

I remember reading a very sweet story in Tinkle, ages ago. It was called "Jose's Christmas gifts". Jose is a boy who lives in a Goan village, with very friendly neighbours. Its Christmas time, and he knows that everybody is going to give him nice gifts. He does not have any money, and his mother doesn't either, so he has no idea what he is going to gift everybody. On his way home from school, he is deep in thought, when he meets a neighbour who is suffering from arthritis, and confides in Jose that he can no longer tend to his beautiful garden. He meets his old neighbour with failing eyesight, who tells him that she is not able to read the newspapers and magazines anymore. He goes home to see his mother hard at work, and very tired. Then he comes up with an idea. He gifts everybody his time. He gifts his mother an hour everyday to help her cut vegetables and clean the house. He gifts his old neighbour twenty hours every month, to read to her. He gifts five hours every week to the arthritic man to tend to the garden. This way, everybody in the village gets a thoughtful gift from Jose, and his gifts are the talk of the town! Now isn't this a beautiful concept? Gifting someone your time?

I remember when I was a kid, and I asked my mother what she wanted on her birthday, she used to tell me, "Be a good girl, keep your room clean, and do things on time. I don't want anything else". I remember being very disappointed. But now I know, that would have been the perfect gift for her. And living up to it would have been very difficult. So if I had done it sincerely, it would have expressed my love effectively for her coz I took so much trouble over it!

Gifts are lovely, yes. A thoughtful, sweet, small gesture of love. I love to receive gifts. But I don't judge people by what they do or don't give me. What is a gift? A way to express our love. There are a hundred million little ways that my loved ones express their love to me, every single day. If I start counting each one as a gift, I would be the richest person ever. If I counted all the material gifts, it would not amount to much. But the only difference is, that when people, for whom it matters, ask me, I can SHOW the material gifts to them. I can say, this is what she gave me. I cannot show them the gestures of love. How unfortunate! But I would prefer the gestures of love any day!