How to have a smooth day with your child.

Here are a few suggestions from my experience, on how to have a smooth day with your child, getting housework and office work done as well as spending quality time with the child.   (This is mainly for people who don't have a support system in place - no grandparents to look after the grandchild,  or don't employ maids.)

* Follow the child's lead.  If you have planned out one activity, and if your child wants to do something else instead, respect that (within the limits of reason, of course.)  It will be easier for both of you. 

* When you're introducing a new activity, if the child doesn't seem to be interested in it even after you've tried for a while, or if he's not getting the hang of it, and is getting frustrated, then stop, and try after a couple of weeks.  There is nothing like "He OUGHT to do it, I'm sure he'll like it/I'm sure he'll be able to do."  Once you set the atmosphere, a child usually takes the lead - and can surprise you with what he is ready for.  Pushing doesn't work.

*Kids don't like it if you keep getting up and going to do something in the middle of an activity.  So clear everything up before you sit down.  That way, your mind will also be completely on the work on hand.

* Limit sugar.  I somehow didn't believe it before, but sugar really gets children on a high.  Unless you are going out to the park a little later, avoid giving the child excess sugar.  She'll just get hyperactive and not sit in one place, and not let you sit in one place either.  

* Get the child to do some physical activity. - An everyday trip to the park is wonderful for the child.  Fresh air, physical exercise to expend all that energy.  And when he comes back, he will be hungry and tired, will eat without a fuss, and drop off to sleep in no time.   If it is raining, or a park is not possible for some reason, dance/jump/skip at home together, preferably to music. 

* Devise ways and methods to get your cooking done faster and easier.  After your weekly vegetable shopping, process all the vegetables and store them in the refrigerator, so that when you go to get your cooking done, half of your work is already taken care of.  This way, you can get all the necessary, but in a child's eye - time-consuming work - out of the way as quickly as possible.

* Limit television.  Save it for those days when you are exhausted and cannot think and the best thing to do is to plonk the child in front of the TV. 

[Slight digression:
The thing about TV is that
- You don't have any control on what the child watches.  You can sit and watch with her, but yet, you don't know what is just around the corner.
- Playing children's movies and CDs is slightly better in the sense that it gets over, and you can stop. 
- It can be addictive in geometric progression.  You get a huge chunk of time with no effort at all when the child is in front of TV, so you find this option attractive. The child gets endlessly entertained without having to lift a finger, and without having to use her brains, so the child finds it attractive.  

If your child is already much into television, do try to cut back (I wouldn't know how.  But my aunt had made a nice rule for my cousin (who was about 6, I think at that time.)  During the holidays, he could watch one hour of television through the day.  He could chose his programme among the pre-approved ones, but that's it - one hour of television viewing of his choice.  I remember him poring over the TV guide, analyzing, deciding, and finally zeroing in on what he wanted to watch, and STICKING TO IT.  IF your child isn't an addict yet, then keep it that way for as long as you can.  Perhaps someday you will lose out anyway, but I don't want to sound pessimistic.  I hope that these initial years when you've kept her away from television might influence her TV viewing options for the rest of her life. 

The important thing is that you need to provide attractive alternatives to television.]

* Involve the child in your housework.  So that it is not as if you are rushing around finishing everything while your child is waiting for you.  If the child wants to help, let him.  It might slow you down, but he's learning something.

* If you are working from home, do your work when the child is asleep/or when she is not likely to disturb you.  It gets over faster that way.   And perhaps it is not wise to take on more than you can finish in one day.  I know nobody else can tell you how much work to do, but it helps if you are not rushed all the time. 

But this isn't easy.  To entertain an enthusiastic kid all through the day is exhausting - for which you need some activities that'll keep you energetic and recharged.  I'll get to that in the next post.

Meanwhile, please do share your tips and suggestions on this topic.

Also read: Things to do with children during the vacations

Things to do with your child during the holidays (and after)

One whole month of Puttachi's summer holidays has gone by, Puttachi is at home full time, and yet, all I'm feeling is, "Oh no, one month is already up! Just another month to go!"

So what are we doing that's making time fly? I thought I'll put down a list of things that we do or plan to do, so that you guys might get ideas out of it.

Actually, this list doesn't hold good only for the holidays - it is for anybody who is a full-time carer of a child.

* Gardening - If you don't have a garden, get some pots and some soil. Even a large plastic tub in which you can drill holes will do. Grow something. Growing veggies can be fun - harvesting and cooking the produce can be very exciting for the children. Try menthya/methi/fenugreek. It grows quickly. Try coriander too. Fresh coriander, picked five seconds before adding to the saaru is something else.

* Cooking - Make some snacks together. If it doesn't involve cutting and cooking, get the child to do it all himself. It's great for the child to realize that food just doesn't appear from thin air. :) Involve him in your daily cooking too - show him what's happening when you do that and this. But be very very very careful in the kitchen. Draw an imaginary line that he shouldn't cross when the stove is on.

* Clay modeling - Use playdoh, or else, just mix a nice and malleable ball of maida and water. It is much more easy to handle. Give her shapes to cut out, a roller to roll it out... After play, just store it in the fridge. Ten seconds in the microwave before play the next day is enough to restore the softness. After about 3-4 days, you can throw it away and make a fresh ball. There are ways to make homemade playdoh - check online - you can add food colour to get different colours too.

* Water tub - Get a large tub, put some water and toys in it and put the child in it. Puttachi will gladly stay for hours if I let her!

* Art and Craft - In our home, this has turned out to be the single-largest time-consumer during the holidays. Starting from shopping for materials, organizing, looking up books/internet/brain for ideas, then actually making stuff, then cleaning up, to showing it off to people - it takes SO much time. And it's a whole lot of fun. I'll probably do a post on the kinds of things you can do - to give you an idea. Coming up soon.

* Storytelling - Tell stories, and ask the child to tell stories. It is very difficult to listen constantly to a child's usually non-stop nonsense, so if you are listening with only one ear, it is fine. But if you do listen, you are in for good laughs. One more thing, a child's stories sometime reveal her feelings, things that she hasn't expressed to you directly.

* Story Reading - Read stories with your child. Sit next to her, cuddle, and read a book together. Read out, translate in your mother tongue, or ask the child to read out some words - whatever. Let it be interactive. Ask questions, let the child interrupt if she wants to ask questions. Look at the illustrations - these can be a great source of discussions too! This time can be beautiful.

* Playacting - act out the stories you know - dramatize it. After the initial hesitation and shyness (yours, definitely not the child's) I assure you its a lot of fun. Improvise, act like a clown, and see if your child isn't rolling around laughing. you don't even need props or costumes or many people. Puttachi and I assume multiple roles in a story, and that itself is a lot of fun. We don't use costumes, but I'm sure that'll add to the fun.

* Puzzles - Get all kinds of puzzles, jigsaws and otherwise, and make it with the child. SImple ones he can solve himself. The ones that are just beyond his reach - sit with him, explain while he does it himself. It's wonderful to watch the child getting the hang of it.

* Helping with chores - Get him to help with your work. Folding laundry, cleaning up, etc. Take him shopping, ask him what vegetables he would like, buy them, show him how to select vegetables - get him involved.

* Park - It helps tremendously if you have a good park close by, with children's play equipment, where you can take the child most evenings. Evenings can make a child restless, and exercise and fresh air is always good. Push him gently to try more difficult monkey-ladders, higher slides, but the moment he shows fear, just withdraw, don't force. He will lead the way when he is ready. And going to the same park regularly helps - you make friends - and the child is more enthu to go the park to meet friends, and you can have some adult conversation with the friends' parents!

* Getting involved in the child's play - HAs your child asked you to come and play with her? Have you felt, oh no, how boring? Just once, shed that hesitation and plunge right into it - doing "inane" things like fake dressing a teddy bear, giving a doll a bath - just do it alongwith your child - and see how much fun it can become!

* Doing nothing - The most important, most delightful thing ever. Remember our summer holidays when we had no summer camps to worry about, no exotic vacations to take, nothing but lounge around all day? And if you look back on it, don't you remember it with fondness? That's what I'm trying to say. Sometimes it is best to just not do anything. Puttachi and I cuddle and play around for an entire hour after she wakes up in the morning. If anybody asks me later what exactly we did, I cannot say. We don't really do anything, but that hour goes by so quickly. We just talk, play, hug, tease, laugh... and then there are other pockets in the day when Puttachi just goes about doing nothing, or just looks at shadows, or observes the movement of trees,  or stares into space.  I read somewhere that children are actually assimilating information when they stare into space like that!

* Little games - Devise little games that can act as fillers - something to distract the child when she is being difficult, or to cajole her to go brush her teeth.... Puttachi and I play a version of word-building, and a very simple 20-questions, we play I-spy, running and catching, just jumping up and down, dancing to tunes. Then there are these traditional finger games which your parents must have played with you - these can be good fillers, yes, but can also be entire activities on their own.

* Toys - get some different kinds of toys - traditional toys, toys that need imagination, and let the child try it out. You can even exchange toys with friends so as to avoid buying new things - or there are even toy libraries now.

* Teacher - While we play teacher-teacher, Puttachi challenges her own limits. She wants me to "teach" her things. That's how she learned to read. She knew that something happens when one puts letters together, and she made me read them, and then figured it out herself. Teacher games are good like that. I am taking that opportunity to familiarize her with Kannada alphabets. Whenever she has had enough, I stop immediately. And that is perhaps the key. Because she comes back next time, asking me to do exactly what she had asked me to stop doing the previous time.

* Visiting - Visit friends/relatives, and ask them to come over.

* Playdates - Get your child's friends to come over and play - outgoing children are starved of company during holidays, and playing with someone they know can be good for them.

* Visit places around your city. A museum, planetarium, a fun park, a movie, a restaurant, whatever - find out, and just go.

* Cultural events - Find out about music and dance concerts, plays, or just fun events that you can take your child to. You never know what will appeal to the child!

* Make things for people - This could come under art and craft sub-heading - but the process of making a little present for somebody, even if it is a small drawing, or a palm impression, that in itself is exciting.

I'm sure I'll remember some more as soon as I post this, and if I do, I'll post them in the comments section. Meanwhile, please pitch in with your suggestions!

Coming up: (committing myself :))
Next post: Tips and suggestions based on my experience about how to have a smooth day with the child - how to keep the child engaged, yet get all your regular work done.
Post after that: How to keep yourself sane and energetic in the midst of all this child-caring. Coz face it, it is draining!

Gender Stereotyping and its effects on young children

Back while I was doing post-grad, a friend and I were kidding around after class, drawing things on the blackboard. My friend thought I was a fabulous artist (just compared to her) and was asking me to draw this and that. One of our classmates, a much older man (in his forties, married with children, who had taken a sabbatical from work to get a post-grad degree) walked in on us, just as I was wondering what to draw next.
"Draw a kolam," he said.
"What's a kolam?" I asked.
"Rangoli," explained my friend.
"Oh I can't draw rangolis."
"Really? How is it that you cannot draw kolam?" asked the man.
"Is it compulsory for people to know how to draw kolam? Can YOU draw kolams?" I asked him.
"No, I'm a man, I don't know. Women should know how to draw kolam."

I got so heated up that I don't exactly remember what I did. But I think I shouted and ranted and walked out, or something like that, coz I remember the poor man's horrified face. He would have been thinking, "Gosh, girls shouldn't behave like this!" Heh heh!

Yes, Gender stereotypes bother me. And I try to counter them from time to time. I know better than to overreact now, but the fact is that it has taken on a new dimension now, with Puttachi at an impressionable age. Because I don't want her to grow up with stereotypical ideas in her head.

The above rangoli example is harmless. But there are others coming at us from all over, without our even realizing it, and that is what gets to me.

"He's a man, he can do it. Women shouldn't do that."

"If a man had done that, I wouldn't have been surprised, but a woman doing all that - it is so difficult to believe that it is even possible for a woman to do that..."

Don't we hear such statements quite a bit?

And it doesn't help that our mythological stories and folktales reinforce the traditional concept of women being the weaker and subordinate sex.

"Agastya was very pleased with the way his wife served him, and granted her a boon."

"The Pandavas felt that Draupadi was too weak to climb the mountain, and wondered what to do."

These statements just portray the culture and traditions of a bygone era - but children who are reading it today don't know that, unless we tell them.

Right now, since Puttachi cannot read full stories, I am the one who explains things to her. I can modify the sentences above and say something like, "Draupadi had a fever/hadn't eaten well and so couldn't climb the mountain." But what when she starts reading herself? There is no way I can control inputs - I can just step in from time to time and try to reinforce the values that I want her to imbibe.

Even my unconscious actions have reinforced stereotypes. I didn't drive for the longest time, and when we sat in my aunt's car in England last year, Puttachi said, "Women can drive? Oh!" I was shocked. Necessity, combined with this incident spurred me to start driving in the next two months. Puttachi's paediatrician is male, and we haven't gone to any other doctor with her. When I told her I'm going to my dentist who is female, Puttachi said, "Oh, are there female doctors too?"

so now, consciously in my stories, I casually bring in female pilots, female doctors, female strongmen (!!) and the like.

I've also tried changing my language at home. The large suitcases in our house are stored in the loft, and they contain smaller suitcases, and so are a little heavy. Though I can bring them down from the loft myself, I avoid doing such work when I am alone at home with Puttachi. What if I am knocked out, or slip and fall, or worse? So I wait until S gets home, but then he, not being one to sit around twiddling his thumbs, gets the suitcases down before I can even pronounce the s of "stool," and naturally Puttachi notices such things.

Earlier, I used to say, "Let's keep our clothes ready, we'll put them in a suitcase after Papa gets back and gets the suitcases down."
Now I say, "I'll get the suitcase down after Papa gets home, and then we'll put the clothes into it."
A small modification, but one, I hope, which will make a difference.

Having said all this, there is a gender stereotype working in our own house that we can simply not ignore. S goes out to work, and I cook and clean and look after my child. Naturally, in Puttachi's play-acting, this gets reflected. "When I grow up, I will become a mother," she says. That bothers me a little. Not that she shouldn't grow up and become a mother - but she shouldn't think that that is the only thing for women to do. I try and get in some of my work during daytime, even when she is around, both for my own sanity, and so that she sees me sitting at a laptop and working seriously. And of course she sees S working around the house and in the kitchen, washing up... I want her to notice little things like that - to see that we have chosen some roles for ourselves in our house because of convenience, but they are not inflexible, and everything is everybody's work, and that we have to help each other.

Besides, I also want her to know that growing up and getting married is not the only aim of life.

Recently, when Puttachi told me something with "When I grow up and get married..." I listened to her, and then said,

So are you sure you want to get married when you grow up?
Why? Everybody gets married.
Well, not everybody, you have a choice not to get married.
But if I don't get married, I will not get a baby, and I want a baby.
(Hyuk, hyuk) Yeah but you can adopt a child. (I explain)

Don't get me wrong. MArriage is a wonderful thing, and I am not discouraging that, nor do I repeat these ideas over and over again, but I want her to know that marriage is not the sole aim of a girl's life. And that is very important for all girls to know, in order to take charge of their lives.

I am perhaps rambling - but I hope you get my point. I would love to know what you do to counter gender stereotypes and give your children the right inputs.

[After I wrote this, I came across this interview of Geena Davis, via Starry's wonderful post. The interview is excellent, deals with gender stereotyping in movies and television. Puttachi doesn't watch TV - yet - so that's one less input to worry about (and man is that a dangerous source!)]

[Here's a great article about combating gender stereotypes.]

Telling stories to children

We probably hold the world record in storytelling out here in Puttachiland, and so here are some observations I've made to get you started on telling stories to your child.

* Very young children, around two years old, don't need an imaginative storyline. Just narrating an everyday incident like a story is enough to keep them wide-eyed.

* As they get slightly older, about 2.5 to 3, you might need to insert a problem and it's solution. This age is wonderful to introduce life lessons - what happened when Lata lied, what was the result when Ajay did not brush his teeth everday - but be sure not to make it preachy - kids can spot it a mile away. Last year, my aunt asked me if I ever told any stories to Puttachi that did not have a moral :)

* After the child turns three, depending on how interested your child is in stories, and how long s/he can sit and listen, you can introduce long stories. Make some up as you go along (you will have enough experience by now :)) or fall back on mythology, folk tales, fairy tales and animal stories. If you don't know many stories, it is worth buying books of stories. It is nice to read to the children too, but actually narrating the same story gets them more interested. Don't be shy about emoting when narrating - you will never get such a rapt audience in any other situation :D

* When choosing stories from Panchatantra and Jataka and Hitopadesha, watch out - most of the stories are pretty cruel and violent, and often end with the victory of evil! You could tell them to a slightly older child (3.5 - 4) softening the edges a bit, but fairy tales and folktales with the victory of good over evil is much more enjoyable!

* When there is a long story, like the Ramayana, first start by narrating the bare bones story to a very young child. As the child grows, depending on how receptive s/he is, you can add details. Especially when there are too many names to remember, it helps by making the child familiar with the main characters before adding the others.
For example, I've been telling the story of Ramayana to Puttachi for about two years now. Initially, it got over in five minutes - now it goes on for more than 4-5 hours - spread over mealtimes of 3 days :)
For example: First I said, Dasharatha asked Rama to go away to the forest
A few months later, after introducting the three wives, I said, Kaikeyi asked Rama to go to the forest.
Some more months later - Kaikeyi's maid Manthara poisoned Kaikeyi's mind to make her ask Rama to go to the forest
LAtely - I have also introduced the sub-story where Kaikeyi gets the two boons which she makes use of to get Rama to go to the forest.

Now, our Ramayana has reached such detailing that I've also started telling her the sub-stories of Ahalya and Shabari and so on - and she can now understand it all with no confusion.

In fact, now, she is coming up with questions of her own.
Did Lakshmana also try to lift the bow? If he had, do you think he would have been able to lift it? Then he would have married Sita, no?
Why didn't Lakshmana's wife Urmila also go to the forest? Wasn't she bored? She should also have gone.

Now I know that she is ready for more detailing - but I've reached the end of my own Ramayana knowledge - I've to refer to a good book on Ramayana :D

* There is no storytime as such - any time is storytime. Somehow in our house, mealtimes have become storytimes. And sometimes, Puttachi overeats while listening to the story, and so I've to be careful. When I think she's had enough, I say, if your tummy is full, you should stop. I'll complete the story anyway. But I would like her to concentrate on the food completely and enjoy it, instead of hanging on to stories... so let's see.

* Study and research has shown that kids who are told stories regularly have better vocabulary and imagination - but don't make this a reason for telling stories to children. The joy that arises out of it makes it all worth it - everything else is just a bonus.

New and improved (?)

Nope, you haven't come to the wrong blog. I've decided to change the look of my blog. Feels strange - after six years of having the same look. I did try a makeover once, with disastrous results, but this time, I'm going in for a no-nonsense look. I'll probably stick to it - and hope that this clutter-freeness rubs off on me in real-life (ha, if only things were that simple!)

Summer and conversation

The summer holidays are upon us and Puttachi and I are having a good time. No hurrying in the mornings - no sticking to schedules - we just do what we want to.

We have a long list of friends (hers and mine) that we are planning to meet, and we have places to visit and things to do - but in the meantime, we are engaging ourselves in a lot of activities at home. I intend to make a list of things that one can do with a child in the summer holidays - will do that shortly.

Me-time is not very easy to find now, I can read and write and work only after Puttachi goes to bed. Housework is not too difficult - I do it with Puttachi going non-stop yak-yak all around me (both literally and figuratively.) I even take her "help" to do some work, and am assured of complete cooperation. But I still do have some writing work to do during daytime. I set an alarm, and tell Puttachi to play by herself until the alarm goes off (just a half-hour chunk.) She obliges, but the moment the alarm rings, the flings herself at me, the dam breaks, and her words fall all over one another as she hurries to tells me all that she had been itching to for that whole half-hour.

The other day,
She: Amma, how old will I be on my birthday in May?
Me: You tell me yourself.
She: Four!
Me: Yes.
She: And then how old will I be next year?
Me: You tell me.
She: Five!
Me: Yes.
She: And then next May, I will be Six, then I will be Seven, then 8,9,10,11,12,13,14....

That quick. Yes, that quick. The years will just fly by and I'll wish to hold this slim, warm, wriggling child that she is now, will want to stroke her soft cheeks, and instead I'll find a teenager - a sulky teenager if she has my genes - sigh.

Then she continues....
Amma, I like you very much. So when I grow up and get married, I will not live in my own house. I will bring my husband also and stay in your house. Okay?

Yeah right :D

A year of school - and a milestone

And before I know it, a year has flown past, and my little girl has finished the first year of school. She is looking forward to the summer holidays, because, in her words, "I love school, I love my friends, but sometimes, I feel like staying at home and playing with Amma." Don't we all? :)

She's had a whole lot of fun this past year. She's made friends, and learned to speak English. She knows the English alphabets and the numbers.

Oh, and one major, exciting milestone. She has started to read! They haven't taught her reading at school, but I gathered that they have taught her phonics.

But they haven't taught her small letters, so she came to me asking me which letter is which, she kind of gathered which small letter corresponds to which capital letter.

When I read out to her at home, she frequently asks me what a certain word is, and I read it out to her using phonics. So, somehow, she's absorbed the concept, and she surprised me the other day by reading out "Dog" on her own. I was initially sceptical, thinking it was a fluke, but then she read out "frog" "start" and other such words. It is a wonderful, heady feeling - to watch a child make sense of something.

Now it is quite common for me to hear from the next room an excited, loud voice saying.. "Sssss.....pppppp.... Sp... Sp..... iii.. Spi.... Spi..... dddddd... Spiddddd... Spid... eee... Spideeee... Spide..... rrrrrr... Spider.... Amma, amma!! Is this Spider? Amma!!"

Like I said, exhilarating.

And then a few days ago, she stationed me near her blackboard, made me the teacher, and commanded me to write words on the board, which she would read. The success rate was quite high, especially when I wrote down the names of her friends. Then she took over the mantle of teacher, asked me to close my eyes and wrote this:



Just to eliminate fluke, I pretended not to understand.. and she gave me a clue - "An animal, Amma!" and answered it herself... Fox :)

The UK Files - A concert to remember and a taste to forget

I enjoy Western Classical music - I don't understand the nuances, but I like it anyway. But I'd never been to a live concert. My cousin V takes lessons in both Western Violin and Western Saxophone (not to mention Carnatic Violin) and is good at all of them. He wakes up at 5 30 am to practice music, and when at his house, it was a wonderful daily alarm for me - the strains of an instrument from downstairs. Err.. not that I woke up each time to those sounds - half the time it would play in my dreams :O

Anyway, V was a part of a concert, presented by his school along with a girls' school. It was in a church in the city. My uncle was out of town, and my aunt and I left Puttachi with S who had arrived just that day, and went to the concert.

The church is beautiful, old and big. Listening to classical music on an audio system is nice, but listening to it live, with the great acoustics that the size and structure of the church enabled - this was an experience to be savoured. I loved it. There was a choir, which rings in my mind to this day. And it reminded me of the dozens of choirs I have been a part of. I always enjoyed them - the preparation, the rehearsals, the way, with practice, all the voices slowly come together in harmony, and the final presentation, and everything in between - I was so insanely jealous of that group during the concert! I would so love to take part in any choir/orchestra/group music again!!

During the break, there were refreshments. We had eaten dinner before going, but we were already hungry, and so we accepted some refreshments - some juice/wine and some snacks. I took a plate, filled it with a little chips, and something that looked like Kurkure, and brought it for both my aunt and me to eat. The chips got over in a second while we chatted and ate, but the stick-like savouries remained, until both of us realized that we had unconsciously rejected it - we didn't like it.

After we got home, my aunt asked V - "What on earth WAS it?" He listened to the description and said, "Oh, Marmite." Apparently, people either love it or hate it, and he was in the former camp. "Thank heavens we don't have Marmite in India," I said, only to watch a programme on BBC the VERY next day, about how they were trying to introduce Marmite in India - marketing it as a health-food. They even added it to pulao, and people actually seemed to like it. Shudder. Is it here yet? Any idea, people? If not, remember, you heard about it from me first.

About the concert - it has whetted my appetite, and I would so love to listen to more live Western Classical concerts - like for example, at the, ahem.... Sydney Opera House and the Royal Albert Hall....? :)

E for English

It's interesting to watch Puttachi grappling with the strange language that English is. When she started school in June, she knew next to no English. Now, she can understand quite a bit, and can carry on decent communication with someone entirely in English. She speaks only in the simple present tense, and with terrible grammar, of course.
_____

I don't initiate conversations with her in English - it doesn't come naturally to me. But if she does, and she does it frequently, I encourage her, and join in her conversation. For her, English is something that is spoken in a school situation, so she says, "You are my ma'am, so let's speak in English now." If she suddenly gets stuck, doesn't find a word in English, she says, "Ok, now you are the Kannada ma'am, so I will tell only this in Kannada, then you become English ma'am again, then we will speak in English again."

________

A few days ago, we had a fun session - when I told her that one who runs is called a runner, one who speaks is called a speaker, and so on.

After that, she came up with hilarious things like - one with a tail is a tailor, one who comes late is later, one who docts is a doctor....I don't know how much of it she understood herself and how much of it she picked up from my reactions, but we had this wonderful half an hour laughing our guts out.

______________

She: Y for uniform.
Me: It is U for Uniform. U-Uniform!
She: No, it is Y for uniform. Y for yellow, Y for Yak, so Y for uniform.
Me: Hmph. Makes sense.

________

She: There are many mouses there.
Me: Mice, not mouse. Funny, isn't it? In English, for many mouse, you say mice, not mouses.
She: (Frowns) You all can say mice. I will say mouses. *Stalks off*

_________

Since she is so crazy about the alphabet, just to see how far she would participate, I introduced Word-building to her. I say a word, you say a word with the last letter of my word, and so on. She hasn't been taught to spell yet, but she latched on to the concept, and was enthusiastic.

She: Ok Amma, you start with A.
Me: A for Ant. What does it end with?
She: Ant... anttt... tt.. tt. T! T for Tall
Me: Good. What does it end with?
She: Tallll...lll. L!
Me: Correct. L for Late.
She: Amma, when I get L, I will say L for Lollipop.
Me: Sure. Now, what does Late end with?
She: Late.. ttt...ttt..... T!
Me: (She is actually playing syllable-building - she doesn't know how to spell, like I said.) Ok. T for?
She: T for Tree.
Me: So I have to think of a word with?
She: Treee... Tr... Trrrr....... Amma, I don't know. Tr? You can say Tractor.
Me: (How logical!) Actually ends with E, you see? Treeeeeee. E.
She: E for L
Me: What?
She: E for L, as in LMNOP. El, El. (She had once also said EL (L) for Elephant)
Me: Ah! But that's not a word!
She: Let's play some other game.

But she keeps coming back twice a day to want to play this game. I can see the future, once she starts to spell. Hours and hours and hours of word building....*shudder*

Goodbye, Uncle Pai

The blogworld will overflow with reminisces, and goodbyes to Uncle Pai, who died yesterday - let me add my little drop.

Uncle Pai's Amar Chitra Katha and Tinkle were my growing-up buddies. If, today, I know more about Indian mythology and more folk tales than my peers, I have ACK to thank. For years, I waited excitedly for every new issue of Tinkle, and devoured it end to end. They were all my friends, and Uncle Pai was a special friend.

I once sent a story idea to Tinkle, and I received a handwritten rejection letter from Uncle Pai. On one side of a yellow postcard (anybody remembers those any more?) He wrote that they couldn't accept my story idea, but to try again. Just like a boatman would row, row, row, to get to the bank, try, try and try again to succeed, he said. I hope I have that postcard somewhere.

Thank you, Uncle Pai, for all that joy I had growing up. I owe much to you.

Said Puttachi...

Me: (examining a couple of greys on my head.)
She: Amma, what is that?
Me: Grey hair.
She: Why do you have grey hair?
Me: (laughing) I'm growing old!
She: Oh. But you won't die right now, will you? Die after I become very big. Okay?

***

She: Amma,until when can I stay with you?
Me: What?
She: Until what age can I live with you and Papa?
Me: Stay as long as you want, Puttachi.
She: Can I stay until I am fourteen years old?
Me: I recommend you stay longer, mari.. :)
She: Okay I will live with you till I am fifteen years old. Then I will go to college and get married, and when I have a baby, I will call you up and tell you whether I have got twins or not.

A wonderful breakfast

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now. When in my aunt's house in England, we had cereals and fruits and nuts every morning. I enjoyed that breakfast. After S joined us, he was totally taken with the idea of such a healthy breakfast. When we got back, we discussed it, and decided to try out that breakfast for a couple of weeks.

We did try, and we're hooked. I cook oats in milk, and add chopped fresh fruits, nuts and dry fruits. I also add a fistful of ragi araluhittu/hurihittu (popped and powdered ragi.) For a bit of crunch, we add a little Kellogg's oatbites. It's working wonderfully for us in many ways, at many levels.

Every morning, at about 9 or 10, I had a tendency to feel terribly tired and drained out. It was worse when I ate bread and uppittu. (My mother and my grandmother also have the same problem, and we're still not clear why it happens). After we started this breakfast, it hasn't happened even once. I do feel hungry again at about 10 or 11 (but I feel hungry around that time even after an Indian breakfast), but I've never once felt drained out. Peevee, my sister, the nutrition expert, says that it is because of complex carbohydrates in the oats - it releases energy bit by bit.

Besides, the compulsory dose of fruits and fibre has done wonders for Puttachi's digestion. Initially, Puttachi wasn't very receptive to it, and I felt guilty about giving her something she probably didn't like. But one Saturday, when I set a plate of something else before her, she frowned and said, "Why haven't you made oats? I want oatmeal." "Don't fuss, eat whatever is on your plate," I said, but inwardly, I was doing somersaults! It's been eight months and she is also enjoying this breakfast as much as S and I do. As for me, who is so crazy about good food, I was quite sure I'd get bored with this after a while, but each morning, I approach my bowl with great enthusiasm, and that is saying a lot about it!

To an extent, this breakfast means lesser time and effort. But it does take time chopping fruits and breaking nuts down into small pieces for Puttachi, and cooking the oats just right so that it doesn't get gooey - it does have it's own effort. But the biggest plus is that I needn't wonder every night what to make for breakfast next morning.

But I make make Indian breakfast in the weekends - one, for my tastebuds, and two, because I don't want to forget how to make all that, and three, if I feel tired, I can very well chuck everything and take a break mid-morning.

If, for any reason, a hearty Indian breakfast is not working for you, I urge you to try this.

The waist-high interrogator

There is a new phase to Puttachi's questions, when I thought I'd seen the worst. Now, she wants to know everything about everything.

She wants to know the reason of my every action - and I mean every single tiny unconscious forgettable action. If I run my fingers through my hair, she wants to know why. If I pick a piece of lint off my sweater, she wants to know why. If I twist my lip, she wants to know why. If I blow air through my lips, she wants to know why. You'll think I'm exaggerating, but when I say every single action, I mean every single action. I've never in my life had to account for my actions - now I need to, constantly, for this waist-high interrogator.

A common line of questioning, as we are stepping out of the home: Amma, why did you say Tch? Why had you forgotten the key? Why hadn't you kept it ready? Didn't you know we were going to the park? Amma, why are you wearing socks with these sandals? Why do you want to protect your feet from sand and cold? Why do your feet crack in winter? Show me your cracks? Why don't you look after your feet better? Why don't you apply some cream? Why.....

Sometimes, when I'm brushing her teeth, I've to beg her - can you please stop talking for two seconds and spit out the paste? Please?

Another common line of interrogation:
Me: Hmmm.....hmmmm.. Dil tadap tadap ke kehraha hai aa bhi jaa.. hmm hmmm (Humming while doing something)
She: Amma, what is that song? What are you singing? Sing it loudly, properly? Don't say hmmm... sing it with words? Is this in Hindi? How did you learn it? Did you hear it when you were small? Did your mother teach you? Do we have this song at home? Will you play it for me?
So I dig out a Mukesh collection and play it for her.
She: Which CD is this? Mukesh? Who is Mukesh? Show me the photo on the CD cover? Is this Mukesh? Is he still alive? Why did he die? What is the name of this CD? Has he sung all the songs in this CD? Is this the song you were singing? Now you stop singing. If you sing, I can't hear the real song. You can sing it later. (Listens.) Amma, did you say Mukesh was a man? Then who is this girl singing? Lata Mang-kar? Then why did you say all the songs were sung by Mukesh? Why is Lata Mang-mang helping him sing? Why is this song in Hindi? What does this song mean? Why is he calling the girl to go to him? Are they friends?

I'm afraid to even say that this must be as bad as it gets.

Some interesting books

A selection of books I've been reading...

"Caribbean" by James Michener - I've said it many times before, I'll say it again. Michener is a genius. And this book is another example. The amount of research that goes into each novel is mindboggling. And he writes about each subject with so much love and involvement, that he takes the reader with him. He creates very believable characters, and you get so embroiled in their lives that when the chapter gets over, you are upset, until you start the next chapter with completely different characters who are so fabulous that you forget the previous ones. But not quite. For their descendants make an appearance in successive chapters - changing, being involved in real history, and interacting with real historical characters, such that the lines between fact and fiction get blurred. At the end of each novel, he makes you love the place, the people, the culture, and you know the entire history of the place, and what makes it what it is.

"Raga'n Josh" by Sheila Dhar - This is a combination of two of her books - "Here's someone I'd like you to meet." and "The Cooking of music and other essays." Sheila Dhar was a Hindustani classical vocalist. She had the good fortune to know many of India's legendary musicians personally, and she is brimming with anecdotes about them. She also happened to have the gift of writing - and the result is this wonderful book. If you like music and writing, you've got to read this. Even if you are not much of a music enthusiast, the stories are such that it can be enjoyed by anybody. There are also some essays on music - and I've got to say this - I've never read a more elegant depiction of what music is, what raagas mean, what is special about classical music. Her writing is a work of art. Apart from all these are extremely interesting stories about life as the wife of a man who was in the Prime-minister's advisory committee. I came away from this book full of awe for Sheila Dhar. If she'd still been alive, I would've travelled the length of India to meet her.

"Good Night and God Bless" by Anita Nair - I happened to mention to a writer friend that Anita Nair is one person I can say this about - she has read me, but I haven't read her! (Refering to her being a judge in a competition where I won a prize) My friend, who is an admirer of Anita Nair, decided to set it right, and sent her copy of this book to me, from Mumbai, by courier.
I loved it. It is sharp, witty, and pithy. Her observations are remarkable. A book that can be a constant companion - you can pick it up anytime and start reading it from anywhere.

"Ladies Coupe" by Anita Nair - Of course, I had to follow it up with this book. It was great. So many women - such different stories, yet so similar. Somewhere in it was my own story, in a very strange way. And I'm certain every Indian woman will find something to take away from it. One phrase in it struck me and has kind of gripped me. "I was tired of living life from the sidelines." (paraphrasing). I am, too.

"In other rooms, other wonders" by Daniyal Mueenuddin - The same writer friend recommended this to me, and also sent me one of his stories from the New Yorker. I then read this book. Though set in Pakistan, the situations, social conditions, and mentality is very similar to that in India, and I enjoyed them. The best part of his writing is the economy of words. He says so much with so little, it is incredible.

"Nectar in a Sieve" by Kamala Markandaya - I picked this up because of many recommendations. Excuse me, how is it I'd never heard of the author or this book? She published this in 1954, when she was 30 (I groan, I blush and hide in a cave.) What a book! Usually stories about the everyday struggles of poor farming people depress me, and my general mood is not too conducive to reading this. But this one was worth it. It was sad, but it was also a story of eternal hope and the will to survive. And it is so beautifully told, that it took my breath away. She was a real pioneer, she was.

"A girl and a river" by Usha KR - Actually, this author was another of the judges in that competition, and I hadn't read her either. I'd met her at the award ceremony, though, and I remember writing about her - her quiet elegance blew me away. Anyway. The title of this book is deceptive - I had assumed it was one of those sad stories about someone's struggles, and like I said above, I wasn't too keen on reading it in one of my dark moods. But I picked it up on a whim - and wow - it is fabulous. The story itself, its pace, its minute detailing, the suspense, the characterization - are all brilliant. What made it special for me was that it was like one of my aunts or grandmother telling me a true story - it is set in a small village in Karnataka - and all the day to day details of their lives, the food, the customs - are all intimately familiar to me. That made it very real. Great language, very natural flow, likeable characters and a gripping storyline. I'm looking forward to reading more of her.

"Andamans Boy" by Zai Whitaker - A young adult book. And I am so annoyed to see that the book and its author are not more well-known. Stories like this are what makes my heart soar with pleasure. It is written with love, sensitivity, and loads of humour. Full of adventure, brimming with information - Zai takes us to a completely different world. I've always been lukewarm about the Andamans, but Zai Whitaker has single-handedly put it on my wishlist. A wonderful book for young people. And for old people.

"The Riddle of the Seventh Stone" by Monideepa Sahu - A very enjoyable children's book - an interesting story, unforgettable and likeable characters in a very familiar setting - the streets and bylanes of good old Bangalore, including Vidhana Soudha and Avenue Road. Very imaginative, laugh-out-loud funny at times. Another book that can make a great gift for a young person. [Since writing this, I've spoken to the author on the phone, and she is one of those people who have the ability to make you laugh both with the written word, and the spoken.]

Collected poems of Rabindranath Tagore - My father casually told me that sometimes it's good to read a book outside one's comfort zone. I liked the idea, and combed the book cupboard at my parents' place for something like that - I was actually looking for some very different non-fiction, but I chanced upon this big book that somebody gifted my sister, and I thought, why not. I don't usually read poetry, claiming that I'm too prosaic, so I thought I'd give it a try, and it was good that it was Tagore. It was in line with my latest passion for Indian writing. It took me a while to warm up, but warm up I did. Some poetry still didn't make much sense to me, but others did. And it was really food for the soul. Made me stop, think and sometimes shed a tear out of pure emotion. I never knew I could enjoy poetry. Now that opens up an entire new world, the door to which I'd conveniently closed!

"On Writing" by Stephen King - If you are a writer of any kind, at any level, you MUST read this book. Enough said.

"Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - engaging, lively, chatty and outrageous. I love the way she describes food - it had me drooling. I'd like to watch the movie now.

I'm reading:

"Namma Maragalu" (Our trees) by H.R.Krishnamurthy - I am often ashamed at the lack of knowledge I have of trees around me. Except for the usual suspects - coconut, mango, tamarind, gulmohar, peepal, banyan, neem, eucalyptus, jackfruit and such, I can hardly recognize any. Every day we go to the park, Puttachi and me, and stroll under the beautiful trees - and I don't even know what kind most of them are. I seek to set it right with this book. I'm making good progress.

"A journey down Melody Lane" by Raju Bharatan - a history of Hindi film songs through the decades, and the unbelievable stories behind them - as seen first hand. Very interesting. The man is a walking-talking encyclopaedia of film music. If you are an old Hindi film music fan, I'm sure you'll enjoy this. But the author could do with some lessons in sentence construction. This is not an easy book to read.

90

My grandfather turns 90 today. To commemorate it, we had a gathering of his friends and family in Mysore on Jan 1st (My grandmother's birthday - she turned 84.)

We also launched a website. It still needs work - but do have a look.

90 years. Or 84 for that matter - can you imagine the kind of changes that they've seen in the course of their lives?

Further reading.

The other life

Being an avid reader is not such a good thing, as I've written before. I wrote that post more than four years ago, but things are still the same, more or less.

I went on a reading frenzy for a while (book reviews coming up) - it lasted three months or so - and I read as if there was no tomorrow.

Then, suddenly, I stopped reading. Not a conscious decision, though. For ten days or more, I didn't read anything. Well, that's not technically correct - I did read one book, but very little of it. And then I discovered a whole new me.

I crocheted part of a sweater for Puttachi. I worked on her costume for her school day. I finished five 500-piece jigsaw puzzles and realized how much I LOVE doing them. Puttachi and I got together and churned out loads of art and craft things - initially deriving inspiration from blogs, and later discovering our own store of ideas. I made delicious naan, perfected baking whole-wheat bread (with dollops of help from S), and tried a whole lot of new recipes. I started walking in the park every morning after dropping Puttachi to school. I called old friends and got back in touch with them. I took refreshing and restoring naps in the afternoon. I caught a movie or two on television - alone - and this is something totally unlike me (or so I thought.)

I lived in the present - I was totally there, in each moment. And that was a whole new sensation.

And I liked this part of me. This part of my life that lay dormant.

Is it really worth it, this passion for reading? The pleasure reading gives me is immeasurable. But all these things that also give me so much joy - and satisfaction - is it worth giving up all that?

And once again I make the resolution to strike that balance between reading and the other interests in my life.

P.S. This was written about a month ago. Now I'm back to my regular reading habits - though not with that much intensity - and I'm lovin' it.

Hopefully the end of another silence

There's a reason for my blog silence. A while ago, I browsed through my blog archives. While some of my posts are quite a pleasure to read (Did I write that? Wow!), most of them make me cringe. If not the language, it's my ideas and opinions. They've changed. Or they've undergone a slight shift. At times, I don't recognize myself. Sometimes I sound all lofty and holier-than-thou, sometimes I sound absolutely stupid.

But I'm not beating myself too much over it. This blog has been around for nearly six years now, and I've moved from the silly twenties to (what I think is) the serene thirties. I've moved from being newly-married, to a mother of a three-year-old. I've moved from being in a job I hated, to being at peace with what I'm doing. I've changed in so many ways, and it is but natural that my blog reflects it.

Yet, that doesn't take away the cringing. And as a result, I'm hesitant to put up anything that'll make me blush in six years' time.

For me, writing this is like starting to blog all over again. I remember when I put up my first post - the first time I ever put up my words for any random person to read. It is kind of like baring yourself - putting yourself out there for the world to judge. How difficult it was back then - and how easy it became with each new post!

Perhaps as a result of all this, I found that when I forced myself to write something, I was judging my own words - and they came out stilted and flat. And that is so not what I wanted. I didn't want to write for the sake of keeping my blog alive. So I held off - but today I felt like writing this down, and so here I am.

My story in an anthology

First time in a book! One of my stories is in an anthology, "Two is Company," to be released this Saturday. Invitation below.

Kids' Furniture

There's been a lot happening, and I have a dozen drafts sitting on my desktop, but I don't feel like posting anything on my blog - various reasons. Anyway.

We're looking for a table-chair for Puttachi, who is totally into colouring and drawing now. We looked at various showrooms in Bangalore - the usual furniture places, kiddie places like Childspace and Kids Kouch - but we haven't found anything suitable. The last option we have is getting it made to order, but before that, we want to see if there's anything suitable available in the market.

So if you know of any place that offers no-nonsense, no-frills, reasonably priced, sensible, sturdy and safe furniture for children, please let me know. You could also mail me, but if you write in the comments section, it might benefit others too. Thank you, omniscient reader!

Have a lovely time - and I guess I'll see you in the new year. Love and best wishes to you all!

Online at Joyful!

My story is up on Joyful! -- If you scroll down, it is the second story on the page.