Friday, October 11, 2013

"Shame, shame"

One of my favourite sights is that of little girls, toddling around in short frocks, their frilly underwear peeking from underneath.  But very soon (far too soon) as the little girl grows, it stops being acceptable.  The moment an inch of her panties are exposed, people stand around, and apply a look of disgust on their faces and chant, "Shame-shame."

Around the time Puttachi was about two  years old, I started putting shorts underneath her frocks so that she wouldn't get sand in her underwear at the park.  I later realized that this served another function too.  She could jump, and twirl, and turn somersaults, and do whatever it is that little children must do, without people crowding around and shaming her with the shame-shame chant.

I detest that "shame-shame" chant.  See, I understand the need for making children realize that certain parts are private.  But that is what they are - private.  Not shameful.  These are beautifully evolved, highly functional parts that help us excrete, egest and reproduce.  Why on earth should one be ashamed of them? Why should we express disgust at the underwear that covers them?

I struggle to inculcate in Puttachi the concept of which parts of the body are personal and private, in view of educating her about child sexual abuse. I have to remind her again and again about what is private and what is not.   If I had gone with the shame-shame strategy, it would have worked immediately.  She wouldn't have nonchalantly  lifted her shirt to show any random person the mosquito bite on her tummy (which she would have done until recently.)

But I think it is worth it.  It is not likely that she is going to be ashamed of her own body.  It is not likely that she is going to be like the mortified little child who went into hiding because an outsider accidentally saw him in his underwear.

I think it is essential to make that distinction between shameful and privacy, and teach our children accordingly.  What do you think?

9 comments:

nowise novice said...

Very well said Shru! I always wonder how many talents might have withered because of this unfortunate way of bringing up girls. I see girls who are not sent for sports 'after a certain age', who use their plaits to cover their chests,who hunch It is a shame shame on the society..ssficali

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with you here. Nothing shameful about what nature has given us.

" that help us excrete, egest and reproduce. " ----I would add experience ....that help us excrete, egest, experience and reproduce.

It is time women accept and acknowledge their bodies and body parts.

J.

Muthu said...

With you there, Shruti!! Have you noticed how many little girls wear full length tights under frocks these days?

Anonymous said...

never thought of this Shruthi! This is an eye opener and I agree with you. Will make sure I dont tell my daughter to cover up since it would be "shame shame" not to do so!!

---SJ

Summer Rain said...

Hi,

Reached your blog through a series of blog hopping. You write really well.

Looking forward to reading more of you...

:)

parijata said...

Hmm well I always insist that my kids - daughter and son cover themselves while playing. But it is only because I don't want them to catch colds and get bitten by mosquitoes. My son is especially sensitive to exposure to dust, cold weather, etc., so he is never allowed to wear sleeveless shirts, while the daughter gets away with a sleeveless top or two :)

Sathish said...

Nice...

Aarthi said...

Very well said Shruthi. Now that you put it this way..it makes so much sense..thanks!

Anonymous said...

Exposing one's private parts deliberately is actually shameful.

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