This link - The day I stopped Saying "Hurry up" reminded me of myself. I have spoken about this before, that I sometimes feel like a monster who can only say the words "Bega Bega Bega!" (Quick!) I sometimes joke to Puttachi that the word I say most often in a day is "Bega."
I wrote that two years ago, and things haven't really changed much. Puttachi is still a dreamer. And I still have to hurry her. When I am hopping and looking at the time and fretting that it is getting late for school, Puttachi still wants to instruct her eldest doll daughter (in doll language, mind it!) to look after her younger doll daughters. When I am tearing my hair out that she will get late for badminton class, she still wants to dance and watch her shadows move. When I am hounding her to go to bed and close her eyes bega bega, she still wants to fluff her pillow up and smoothen the covers until they are perfect, and smile at some memory and..... hug me until my ribs ache.
I detest myself whenever I say bega bega but sometimes there is no go. That's why I haven't put her in any summer camp during vacations until now. No way did I want to say bega bega to her even during vacations.
But I wanted to try and see what would happen if I didn't hurry her. A couple of weeks ago, she came back from school, took off her shoes and as usual, entered her dreamworld. I didn't say anything to her - didn't ask her to go wash up, or change, or anything. I just continued with my work. I talked to her if she talked to me, but I didn't bother her at all. An entire hour passed, and Puttachi went on playing whatever she wanted to play, where a scrap of paper became somebody's food, and where a seed was a precious stone....
And then, suddenly, she realized she was very hungry. And that led her to the realization that she still had to change and wash. And that made her angry, and, her bad temper got compounded by hunger, and she threw a very rare tantrum. Finally, I had to calm her down, help her change, and give her food. That was when I comforted myself with - relax. Sometimes you just cannot help it.
Things that help me deal with a dreamy child:
1) A structure and a schedule helps her. I guess when her brain is too full of important things like making paper-pulao for her dolls, mundane things like changing, and washing aren't important. So we decided on a schedule/time table - we call it Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 - which makes her focus and do every task one by one until she is done with all the boring stuff, following which she can drift away to her dreamland again.
2) Sometimes I set an alarm and challenge her to finish all the necessary but boring work before the alarm rings. She enjoys this race against the alarm. But not all the time.
3) At times, I have to lure her with a story to get her work done quickly.
4) If nothing else works, I join her in fantasy-land
What works for you?
I wrote that two years ago, and things haven't really changed much. Puttachi is still a dreamer. And I still have to hurry her. When I am hopping and looking at the time and fretting that it is getting late for school, Puttachi still wants to instruct her eldest doll daughter (in doll language, mind it!) to look after her younger doll daughters. When I am tearing my hair out that she will get late for badminton class, she still wants to dance and watch her shadows move. When I am hounding her to go to bed and close her eyes bega bega, she still wants to fluff her pillow up and smoothen the covers until they are perfect, and smile at some memory and..... hug me until my ribs ache.
I detest myself whenever I say bega bega but sometimes there is no go. That's why I haven't put her in any summer camp during vacations until now. No way did I want to say bega bega to her even during vacations.
But I wanted to try and see what would happen if I didn't hurry her. A couple of weeks ago, she came back from school, took off her shoes and as usual, entered her dreamworld. I didn't say anything to her - didn't ask her to go wash up, or change, or anything. I just continued with my work. I talked to her if she talked to me, but I didn't bother her at all. An entire hour passed, and Puttachi went on playing whatever she wanted to play, where a scrap of paper became somebody's food, and where a seed was a precious stone....
And then, suddenly, she realized she was very hungry. And that led her to the realization that she still had to change and wash. And that made her angry, and, her bad temper got compounded by hunger, and she threw a very rare tantrum. Finally, I had to calm her down, help her change, and give her food. That was when I comforted myself with - relax. Sometimes you just cannot help it.
Things that help me deal with a dreamy child:
1) A structure and a schedule helps her. I guess when her brain is too full of important things like making paper-pulao for her dolls, mundane things like changing, and washing aren't important. So we decided on a schedule/time table - we call it Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 - which makes her focus and do every task one by one until she is done with all the boring stuff, following which she can drift away to her dreamland again.
2) Sometimes I set an alarm and challenge her to finish all the necessary but boring work before the alarm rings. She enjoys this race against the alarm. But not all the time.
3) At times, I have to lure her with a story to get her work done quickly.
4) If nothing else works, I join her in fantasy-land
What works for you?
8 comments:
And I'm *still* a dreamer!
I was a dreamer myself, but motherhood and a job stripped me of that spontaneity and have started saying "bEga bEga!" to my little dreamers.
I wonder if I can keep pushing them like this. My son unfortunately takes after us (my husband and me), and tries to read at all possible times - eating, dressing, wearing shoes, etc. Nothing has ever worked properly so far. I know I need to put my foot down and say no reading while eating, but I say that only half-heartedly :(
With my daughter, however, stories work well.
Peevee, never thought of you as a dreamer. more of a talker :D
Parijata, LOL at the image of the little boy reading during dressing and wearing shoes :) My kinda people!
Hi...I have a dreamer for a son too! Mundane things like removing shoes, changing clothes, washing up, hardly matter to him...and my husband and me would always be after him with "Bega, Bega" or "Quick, Quick"! I was aware even earlier that I had a different child, but reading that article truly changed my perspective. Now I check myself before I start off with the "Bega, Bega"s :) BTW, your blog is a delight to read!
Ananya is no dreamer but I do need to push her to finish things fast, almost everything. But she just wouldn't care. She would take her own sweet time. So I've tuned myself so that I give her more time to finish her chores eat, play, study etc.
I am guessing my little one would not even give me chance to say B of Bega...lets see:-)
I'll use your method for myself, if I may...
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