Adapting to change

Moving to a new place put forth before me two challenges - one, managing an entire home all by myself, and two, managing Puttachi all by myself.

I learned the management of the house fairly quickly, with ample help from S~, but looking after Puttachi all day long was very difficult in the beginning.

Let me clarify. Ever since I recovered from the shock of giving birth (heh), I have done nearly everything related to Puttachi myself - cooking her food, feeding, changing, bathing, putting her to bed, taking her out to the park, keeping her engaged, entertaining her - almost everything, with support from my mom at first, and then from S~. So workwise, it wasn't too great a challenge.

But what has become a challenge is to keep her entertained all day long, all by myself, without losing patience. She has been used to having people around her all the time, and besides, since I never really had any major work to do around the house previously, having been living with my in-laws, I would always be available for her. She never was really alone, and every time she called me, I would be there.

But now, I have other work. I have cooking and cleaning to do, and the other miscellaneous work that always seems to crop up around the house. Puttachi isn't used to it. She wants me when she calls me, and she will not accept that it is no longer possible. As a result, she goes "Amma-amma-amma-amma" like a stuck record, and says it loud and continuous a million times a day. She dances around my knees when I am in the kitchen, demanding to be picked up, pleading for me to come out and play with her.

I went crazy initially, nearly pulling my hair out in frustration. It was all I could do to finish the cooking and get out and engage her.

That was another thing. Previously, I had never been in the position to have to engage her continuously. My mom-in-law would engage her in play or my father-in-law would take her out for a bit, when I would have a few moments to myself. And when she got back, my patience would be back. But now I have no such relief. Sometimes, by the end of the day, I look at the clock willing the hands to move to the time that S~ gets back. And when he does get back, I literally beg him to take Puttachi away from me for a while, while I rediscover myself.

Generally, evenings are the slowest, and that would just go by in a flash when I took her out to the park. But in the past two weeks, because of both of us being sick, the park visit was ruled out. Those days were the worst. [S~ did stay back when I was feeling particularly sick, but then he had to go to office after that]. I was feeling terrible because of my illness, and to top it, Puttachi would demand all my attention and more, and there was no escape. I would lose my patience time and again, and Puttachi seemed to take pleasure in irritating me.

Those few days, I understood many things. I understood one of the reasons why mothers employ maids in spite of being stay at home moms. It is for just this reason - to have someone to watch your kid while you grab five minutes to breathe. I understood what makes mothers switch on the television and plonk their kids in front of it. Sometimes, it is necessary. I never thought I would, but I resorted to that technique too. When things got too unbearable, I would put on some rhymes or songs on my laptop, put Puttachi in front of it and just lie down or read a newspaper or do something mundane. It is unbelievable how quickly I would be back to normal after that.

Now, with our illnesses clearing up (Just the flu - but severe in my case), things have changed. I am generally more cheerful and patient because I'm feeling better after a long time, and miraculously - touchwood - Puttachi has suddenly learned to play on her own. Her demands on my time have reduced quite a bit. If I tell her, "Puttachi, I want to read the newspaper, play by yourself for a while", she actually does it. Sometimes she is in the enclosed balcony for quite a while with her toys and books when I am in the kitchen, and I go in from time to time to peep in and see that she is not getting herself in any trouble. And it warms the cockles of my heart to see her playing quietly by herself. She is learning too.

But all is not perfect yet. There is still a long way to go. For example, the only way I can get to eat my lunch in peace and then clear up the kitchen after that is to put on a Baby Einstein CD and put her in front of the laptop. I convince myself that it is only about half an hour per day, and it is, after all, educational. And I get to taste my lunch!

Changes.. and more changes.....