Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The first few hours

Nine months of waiting and all I could think of then was the moment when I would hear the child's cry. So, as is natural, everybody wants to hear how I felt when I finally heard the baby's cry for the first time, how I felt when I first held her in my arms.

I wish I could give you flowery details like how I burst into tears when I heard her cry, and how all kinds of philosophical thoughts were evoked in my mind when I held her in my arms - but unfortunately, nothing that dramatic happened. It was all quite ordinary, almost non-interesting, even frighteningly boring. Sigh!

Anyway, what did I feel like when I heard the baby's cry? The first feeling was that of surprise - is that it? Is the baby already out? The second feeling was that of relief - Yes, the ordeal is over.

After that, I almost dozed off. It was a kind of floating state - probably the high of suddenly feeling no pain after all that intense pain. It was like I was hallucinating everything - everything was unreal.

I could just hear the baby crying in the background, and even this I heard with a kind of dispassionate detachment. S, who was with me throughout, left my side for the first time in hours and went to check on the baby. He came back smiling and glowing and kept saying, "Relax, its over, everything is fine". In spite of all this, I felt no dramatic realization that the baby is finally here. In spite of nine months of wondering if the baby is a boy or a girl, it never occurred to me for an entire five minutes to ask and find out the sex of the baby. The doc didn't tell me coz she said (later) that she wanted S to tell me. S didn't tell me coz he wanted me to ask him first. Finally realization dawned upon me, and when S came back to me after watching the baby being washed, I asked him, Is it a boy or a girl? A girl, he said, grinning... its a girl.

Now I didn't have any particular preferences, but S had a leaning towards a daughter. As for me, each time I peeked into the baby clothes section in the shops and saw all those lovely frocks with ribbons and lace and flowers, I felt, "It would be nice if I had a girl" - Shallow, I know... but well, that's me :)

But I had a very strong feeling that it would be a boy, for no reason at all, and I had adjusted to the thought that it would be a boy. So I had a lot of readjustment to do. (In fact, the next day when the paediatrician came to check on me, I was telling her, "Yeah he slept well, yeah he had his bowel movements"..... she almost asked me, "Do you know you had a daughter?" :)

Now back to when baby was born. I was tremendously surprised to hear that it is a girl. And insanely thrilled. Finally, the baby was wrapped up and brought to me, still lying there. I just had the little pink thing in my arms for a couple of minutes - not really in my arms, but by my side - it was cradled by an unknown hand. I could just see a pink puckered-up face before it was whisked away, and given to my mom and aunt who were waiting outside. After a bit, I also went back to my room to my baby.

I was thrilled with the baby, I carried her for a while... but no way could I associate her with the tumbling, kicking being that was inside me for all those months. I felt no profound feelings or anything of that sort. It is not that I didn't have any feelings at all. The love and fascination was overwhelming, but it was still very unreal and hazy. Though a hundred people told me, "You need rest, go to sleep", I got no sleep for the rest of the night. Over-exhaustion and over-excitement does that to me - and this was a combination of both!

It was only after about 36 hours, after I had finally managed to catch about 4-5 hours of sleep, did I finally sense an emotional attachment to her... and then started all the emotions.... "Oh my god, she is mine!" "Ohmigosh, she is an actual tiny human being!" "Good heavens, she is perfect!" "Oh man the responsibility of this tiny person is upon us!".....

S and I can't seem to get enough of her.

Thanks to everybody for all the wishes!

37 comments:

Raj said...

What a lovely post! Shruthi, congratulations to you and S.

PRIDERA said...

The attachment / bonding just grows ... its an amazing experience !

Abi said...

Thanks for this great post. Congratulations to you and S.!

Manasi said...

I dont believe it that you are actually blogging at such time. Having seeing my sis have a baby, I doubt if I would have even looked at a comp so soon!
Congrats once again.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

My heartiest congratulations to you!! I am sure you will have a wonderful time ahead!

Orchid said...

Came here via desipundit...what an honest post! Congrats on your baby girl and hope you enjoy motherhood as much as I am :)

Emma said...

Congratulations to you and S. This was a real honest post...

Prashanth M said...

Congrats Shruthi & S...

Anonymous said...

Shruthi,

You might have not cried seeing your baby for the first time but believe me I cried while reading this post. Even I'm an expectant mother and I can hardly wait to have the baby in my arms. This is such a beautiful post.

Congratulations to you and S and loads of love to the little bundle of joy :)

-Lakshmi

Veena Shivanna said...

Shruthi,
Its all our imaginations before we get into that stage annissutte. We imagine and assume so much, then the reality takes us here.
I am glad that you were able to write a post so quick .. As usual, I could actually read through this as a story and imagine the whole incident myself.

sakkat khushi aaytu insight of experience Odi, waiting!!

Take Care,
Veena.

M O H A N said...

Wow, What a good descriptive flow of thoughts...

May be you will need to open a section of growing up area i suppose

cheers
mohan!

Rohini said...

It's great that you cna be honest about this. I too didn't feel any overwhelming elation when my son was born but he kind of grew on me.

Vani said...

Shru....

U made me cry!

Shyam said...

What is your little daughter going to be called? Shruthi's daughter, therefore... Keerthana? Krithi? Swara? Sangeeta? :) Seriously, are we going to be told her name eventually? :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Shruthi,

Read , your email today, immediately logged on to your blog for the latest. And here I read this beautiful post. I'm thrilled to read, the little one is doing great and so is the mum! My heartiest wishes to you and S. Lots of love to the little princess!

Mysorean said...

""Oh man the responsibility of this tiny person is upon us!"
Forever. Forever. Forever.

Enjoy this phase! :)

Viky said...

Somehow, I feel the tone of this post is also similar - and you must have felt, "It's over and there, I've written about it". Its almost as if this was the final straw of all the nine months, and by writing this you have closed the chapter once and for all.

I don't know why, but this was a tad different from how you sound in the other posts...

shark said...

Awwwww what a lovely post... extremely touching.
Please do keep writing such posts regularly (ok whenever your daughter allows you to :))

bachodi said...

Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations again

Kadalabal said...

a beautiful post and a free and frank narration great to be a mother and it is one of teh greatest things to happen in women's life. take care dont strain too much because your energies are required for little pricess. as she grows she needs you more and she will take your time
wish you all
happy happier and happiest days ahead
pranesh

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I missed your blog-announcement - just assumed that you wouldn't be posting this soon!! Kicking myself. Congrats once again! :))

ano

rajeev said...

Wow. Congrats.
Wishing all the three of you, a very happy and fulfilling time ahead.

Poppins said...

Congratularions again ! A true and touching post. She will grow on you and have you wrapped around her tiney finger..very soon. Just you wait ! :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to you & S !

Your narrative is a pure delight as always

Good wishes to the little one

Cuckoo said...

Congratulations to both of you !!

It was great to hear your experiences and was glad to know of preference for a girl child.

Srik said...

Congrts to you and S. And this is a super explaination of experience from a new mother. There cant be a better one. Thanks.

Vijay said...

Shruthi,
Congrats on the new arrival !!!
If you felt everything on day one there would be nothing to look forward to...
Now begins a lifetime of enjoyment..

Theres only one downside. They grow up fast :-(

Aparna S Mallya said...

hey, congratulations!!!

Maverick said...

wonderful ! Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

Shruthi:

Congratulations...
Nice post. Honest!
Of course allyour posts are....

One suggestion for naming the baby: "Dont pick a name rhyming with your name. Yes. DONT." :O)

People have habit of mixing up mom's name with daughter, when it rhymes.

With rhyming names, be prepared for situations, where someone (other than S) goes "shrutheena naanu ethokotheeni!" :O{}

itee,
uunaashe

phatichar said...

Beautiful post. You brought back memories from 5 years ago!!

Congratulations to you, new parents...'ts a great feeling, isn't it? :)

Will come back for more..

Anonymous said...

A very touching and honest post, Congrats!! to you and S. It reminds me of when my sis Smrithi (ur friend :) ) had a baby and she used to narrate all the little anecdotes.

cheers
Kishore

PS: hardly leave any comments these days but do regularly follow ur blog.. one of the few that I do

Gauri said...

Hey Shruthi

Back on your blog after quite a while and I see that I've missed quite a lot :-)

Congratulations and welcome to momsville :-)

yeah trust me, relief was the feeling that shot through my head too after my first delivery ..... and I thought I was the only one who did not have flowery thoughts then :-) until I read your post, that is :-)

wanderlust said...

Congrats on your bundle of joy!!
More than any overwhelming sense of joy or excitement, it is a sense of relief that pervades. It happened to me both times.
The real excitement and joy comes much later when she starts responding to you. Then every day is a miracle. Enjoy!!!

Shruthi said...

Raj, Manasi, Sudipta, Orchid, Emma, Prashanth, Mohan, Myorean, Shark, Bachodi, Pranesh, Rajeev, Poppins, Anon at 3 06, Cuckoo, Srik, Aparna, Maverick, Phatichar, , thank you!

Pridera, I am realizing that!

Abi, thank you! And thanks for the link on Desipundit!

Lakshmi, all the very best to you! Please keep me informed! And thanks for the nice words.

Veena, you are right - expectations, from our dreams and from hearing what others have said about how they felt...all the best to you :)

Rohini, Gauri, Wanderlust, good to know I am not alone!

Vani, now thats a compliment!

Shyam, perhaps, someday sometime...? :)

Anon, thanks! But who are you? :(

Viky, as I already told you, didn't understand what you meant - and I ask you again, please explain :)

Ano, hyuk hyuk ;) Thanks!

Uunaashe, thank you! :) And no, her name bears absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to either mine or S' name :)

Kishore, gosh, hadn't connected you and Smrithi at all! *slapping my forehead*. Thanks!

Prasanna Sastry-Hyd said...

Shruthi avare, Congrats!!! thumba late aagi wish madutha iddini.
anyway "HAPPY PARENTHOOD"

Playhome reserve maDi enu neeve yella noDkobekagirodu.

just kidding Enjoy your Parenthood

Anonymous said...

Hey shru...
After reading you first feelings really tears came to my eyes.. i wish i could also feel this.. but don't know when that historic moment will come...
loads of luv for ur sweeeeeeeet daughter...

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