Can you hear it?

Many many years ago. A hot summer's day. First day of the academic year. I was walking back from school with a new friend. We reached an intersection, and she and I had to go different ways.
"Bye! It was good to meet you!" I called out to her.
There were a group of guys in a car parked close to us.
"Bye to her... now meet ussssss", they called out, with wolf-whistles.
I was being eve-teased. For the first time in my life. I was horrified, and nearly struck dumb. But I desperately wanted to impress my new friend.
"Mind your own business, Mister, or I will tell the police", I hollered, in true Bollywood style.
"Oye!" said one, and opened one door of the car.
That was it. All my bravado vanished and I ran home as fast as my skinny ten-year-old legs could carry me. I reached home and half-proud, half-scared, poured it all out to my mother. She listened, eyes widening.
"Where was that car parked?"
"In front of the bar!", said I, nonchalantly.
"Shruthi! Those guys could have been drunk! They could have done anything! Do not, I repeat, DO NOT answer back to them! Just ignore them!"

So I obediently ignored all subsequent eve-teasers until I was in my mid-teens. That age when you want to rebel against everything. That age when your blood starts getting heated up. And also that age, when eve-teasing really takes root in a girl's life. I started retaliating. I began with glares. I considered answering back. But I heard from my friends' experiences, that answering back just encourages them, and that many of the girls ended up being followed all the way home. So I gave up on that. If anybody "accidentally" brushed passed me, I would lash out with all my strength. Soon, I became street-smart. I could identify potential eve-teasers, and when they walked towards me, arms swinging, fingers poised to make contact with me, I would just swerve at the last moment and walk away coolly.

But after some time, verbal harassment became so commonplace that it did not even register in my head. Or probably I just pretended that nothing ever happened, in concern for my own sanity and mood. I wonder at what point we give up. At what point we give it up as a lost case. At what point we become immune.

But what is unfair for the men, is that just because of a few obnoxious specimens, we tend to look at every man with suspicion. But that does not mean we loosen up and start giving the men the benefit of doubt. We cannot afford that luxury.

My mother tells me that eve-teasing was rampant in her younger days. Her reasoning is that it was the only way the poor males could establish contact with the girls, because the times were such that males and females did not talk to each other, even in college. My mother had not talked to any of the guys in her class. Now, it is much more open, youngsters go out in mixed groups all the time, so males are not really frustrated, and thus eve-teasing has reduced. I see sense in her logic.

Probably that is why I find that eve-teasing has reduced drastically here in Bangalore. I can now walk on the roads with ease, without worrying about being bothered. I think men are definitely better-behaved nowadays, at least in Bangalore.

Even Mumbai, of which I had heard so much, was kind to me. Ok, granted, I did not travel too often in the local trains, but I personally found that the men kept to themselves. I was actually surprised. What a sad state of affairs! Being surprised when a man behaves decently! Anyway, I have heard lots of stories of Mumbai, but luckily, I was spared of all the degradation.

In stark contrast was Delhi. I spent just four days there, and I felt terribly violated, just by the way the men looked at me. In fact, the first day, I had worn jeans and a short top, and so the next day, I came out with baggy trousers and a loose shirt (hadn't carried Indian clothes with me, else would have worn that). But still it did not get better. I realized it was not my clothes, but it was just that I was a female. Harassment need not be just verbal or physical, I realized. The lewd look, eyes glazed, mouth open, saliva almost dripping.... to say the least, I was disgusted. Good I do not live in Delhi. How do the women there put up with it?

Once bitten, twice shy. Even now, when I see suspicious would-be perpetuators on the street, automatically my shoulders straighten up, my chin goes up, my stride becomes longer, my arms swing faster, and every muscle of the body is poised - for what? For ignoring them? For that is what happens usually!

Written in support of Blank Noise Project Blog-a-thon 2006. I am not sure how much this write-up will help in improving the situation. Maybe enough testimonials might cause a snowballing effect, and result in a law being passed against eve-teasers that recognizes eve-teasing as the heinous offence that it is. Or maybe someone, somewhere, will read this and think twice before stooping low. Unlikely? But is there a law against hoping?

Exploring the reasons behind eve-teasing..