Thursday, April 26, 2007

The family next door

A house is under construction in the site next door. One of the construction workers has doubled up as a watchman and lives in a little brick shed outside the house, with his family - his wife Selvi, a son, and a daughter Khushboo. Their life, values, attitudes, stories, can fill a whole book. I'll just tell you enough to fill up this post.

Selvi's brother was going wayward (read going after girls), and so they got Selvi's 15-year old daughter Khushboo married to him, so that he will be "in control". But has marriage ever cured a roving eye? Khushboo's husband left her and disappeared in a few days, and they received news that he is living with another woman. So Selvi brought Khushboo to live with them.

Now, about Selvi and her husband the watchman. The watchman doubts and suspects her every move. Selvi has 50 beautiful sarees but she keeps it all locked up, and doesn't wear any, coz if she does, her watchman looks at her with suspicion. "For whom are you dressing up?" So she goes around in tattered, faded sarees. If the watchman has to go out on some work, and if some new workers are expected to come to the construction site for work, he is hesitant to leave his wife to deal with them. Suspicion again. And yes, this same watchman had once upon a time, left Selvi and gone away to live with another woman, and Selvi went and beat up the other woman and brought her husband back. So he could do it, but his wife shouldn't. Oh no, she is a woman!

Another strange attitude of this watchman's - the family has an acquaintance who lives a little distance away. To reach their house, one has to pass through a particularly isolated area. If somebody has to go to the acquaintance's house for some reason, the watchman sends his teenaged daughter to run the errand, and not his forty-year old wife. His explanation is that he fears for his wife's safety. Logically, his teenaged daughter is more susceptible to rape than his wife. [There is no logic in a subject like rape, but one should be forgiven for this assumption.]
So ultimately, he sends his daughter into the lion's den, but not his wife. And this, when he has an excessive blind love for his daughter. Besides, if he really feared for anybody's safety, he should be the one running that errand. But no, he sits on a stone and surveys the world at leisure while the womenfolk do the work. So ultimately, what does it mean? It is not anybody's safety that he fears for, it is just his wife's "purity".

Ok. One fine day, Khushboo's husband came back. No questions asked about the woman he was living with, and why he came back, no explanations given, Khushboo coolly takes him back, and he also starts living here with them. Khushboo starts talk of moving into a different house with him and starting a family once this house is completed. When asked if she is not afraid that her husband might leave her again, she says, "No, the house we are planning to live in is close to his aunt's house. He is scared of his aunt, so he won't try any tricks". Meaning that she is sure that he will not redeem himself, but will stick to the line only out of fear for his aunt. What if he burdens her with children and takes off? She hasn't thought about it. And now that her husband is back, is he treating her well? He beat her up a week ago because she asked him about an account of how he spends his money. "You are a woman, know your place". And what was Selvi's mother doing when her daughter was being beaten up? She could have ticked off Khushboo's husband, after all, he is Selvi's own brother. "But a husband beats his wife sometimes, you know - it is their personal matter, why should I intrude?"

Now, consider Khushboo's strange attitude. Now that her husband is back, she takes sides with him, womaniser and wife-beater that he is, against her own mother. Food is not scarce in their home, but when they make or buy something special, Khushboo sets aside a little for her husband, not for her mother. She makes sure that her husband eats well and goes to bed with a full tummy. But she doesn't bother to check if her mother has eaten, after working all day at the site. The husband, who left her for another woman. The mother, who took her in when she was in trouble and looked after her with the love that is natural for a mother towards her daughter.

Not only that. Khushboo accuses her mother for not giving her enough gold and gifts and dresses. She says that her mother doesn't care about her, as she hasn't given her husband any new clothes. So to avoid these accusations, Selvi digs into her savings and buys them gifts and clothes.

And all such behaviour is not questioned at all. It is taken for granted, as natural.

It is us, the onlookers, who get hoarse throats trying to tell these people to open their eyes to what is happening. They look at us with an indulgent expression. "I'm sure you mean well, but I don't think you understand". If we threaten to tell the police if the husbands indulge in wife-beating again, they don't take it seriously.

And yes, despite all these problems and complications, on any given peaceful day, you can see the whole family sitting together, talking, laughing and eating, apparently without a care in the world.

I just don't understand.


Srik said...

Making one's life complex, when one can live peacefully and indulgently.
Superb explanation of how 'others' live in the same society that we do.

Its such people who must be educated, given basic education in governament schools. It is them who need to utilize the reservation policies and get rid of social complexities that they have webbed around them, illogical and improbable.

And we talk about "globalization" and "India shining"!!

Thanks Shruthi for taking us thru a reality tour.

Anonymous said...

I see some wives who are just so unconditionally supportive of their husbands that it borders on craziness. Not that I have a problem with wives being supportive of husbands, but when they are being beaten and dropped like a hot brick, I fail to understand what's the point of being so supportive?

In some families, I have observed that they have an understanding of not fighting in public glare and they do it when they are in their bedroom. Fair enough atleast somewhere they are discussing things. My maid-servant and her husband are a very dignified lot. I have never seen them shouting at each other inside my house. They go home and fight like cats and dogs - this is what my mother tells me because she is the shoulder in whom the wife confides. Otherwise I was amazed at the congenial atmosphere they maintain inside the house.

And when I look at my erstwhile neighbours, the husband (runs his own business) and wife (works for Indian Airlines) used to fight outside their house. Standing inside the compound of their house but shouting at the top of their voices and all that. This used to be a constant feature.

And this brings me to question what Srik says here. Is education really the problem here? Or is there something that doesn't need to be taught and needs to exist inside human beings called "sensitivity" or "sensibility" or "common sense" or "civilized living"?

I don't know. Am still searching for an answer.

PS1: Aaaargh... this word verfication is incomprehensible. I am sure it will make me type it twice.

PS2: Yes. This time it's simpler. pcmax.

Anonymous said...

what a complicated story!! and there are hundreds of these Selvis & Kushboos all over.

They take, think (do they?) & live in that moment. No flashbacks. No future plans. No questions asked on what you did y'day or what you gonna do next day.

Sometimes I think its we who make our life complicated- Messing up with past & future. As Aamir says in RDB - "Ek pair past mein aur doosra future mein..."

Anonymous said...

Well, if they don't take it seriously then try bringing the cops over once and make them knock sense into their heads. My mum is bringing up this girl from some god forsaken place in Andhra who was married when she attained puberty. When her husband died my she was left to die by her own family members. My mum then gave her a job .All her relatives, who ignored her began to ask my mum to give her salary to them and not to her, the reason being she is a girl and a widow to top it off. So she shouldn't be allowed to handle money. Mom took the help of some women's rights group and got rid off all those pesky relatives

Anonymous said...

What i wanted to say was that you should take the help of some NGO,cops or something like that and sort their lives out

Anonymous said...

Well, That's how they see life.....This story reminds me of the family who presses our clothes...they have a grown up son, and when the boy was nearly 15, decided to have another baby, and brought a daughter into this world. The Son is now a family man, married and father of two kids. Daughter is in high school, she has just passed 8th standard, and her mother has already finalised a groom for her...the girl is unhappy, wants to complete SSLC atleast, parents are forcing her to get married....we spoke to the parents, but received some vague and lame excuses about why they want to get her married....

Sangeeta said...

shruthi, as wrong as the situation is, i dont think they (even the victims in the family) realize there's anything wrong with the way they're living. they've lived like that all their lives, the probably saw their parents and their grandparents live the same kind of life.

what i think commendable is what you say in your last comment..."And yes, despite all these problems and complications, on any given peaceful day, you can see the whole family sitting together, talking, laughing and eating, apparently without a care in the world." i think it is BECAUSE they dont see them as problems or complications. they see them as daily disputes that happen to "ALL MARRIED PEOPLE". and im sure it was drilled into the heads of the women that they are subordinate to the men, and they should blindly follow their every command.

and you KNOW that if you let the cops know, the womenfolk in the family will stand by their husbands and deny any claims about abuse. so there's little that can be sad as it is.

wonderful storytelling though. kudos on the details..i feel like i KNOW these people already :)

Anonymous said...

well your talk about daughter taking sides with the husband brought back some memories.. The reason why Kushboo behaves the way she does that is sides with her husband is coz the society expects the woman to belong to the husband and his family after wedding! they believe that marriage is goodbye to mom and dad and people who took care of you for 20+ years and forming unbreakable bonds with the inlaws family. Ofcourse you bond with the inlaws but saying goodbye to parents? It is the society that expects you do it.
Well my mother was asked to "CUT OFF HER UMBILICAL CORD" after I was married by my well-learned and educated in-laws, why? coz the society expects it and that is how things are done in "our" family. It shocked me to realize educated people have such a view!
Well the other issues, yes life is complicated and men who suspect their wives.. well I have no words!

Anonymous said...


That's a good post. I think people (particularly the ones you have described in your post) will never change. I have seen these type of people throughout my life...many times and they have similar stories and never seem to change at all.

On a different note, as you must be aware, B V Vidyananda Shenoy passed away 2 days back. I know that you have a big group of bloggers. So, could one of you please write a few lines about him? His 'Bharatha Darshana' is excellent. The sad part is...I googled his name and did not find many interesting links. Only links were to his book and maybe details of some functions he attended. Nothing much. So, it will be great if one of you bloggers write a neat blog about him. Just a small thanks to the departed soul.

Krish said...

Interesting post. Just one solution.

"Education, Education, Education,...."

Not just for one person in the family. But for several generations. And anything to give them the education.

Chitra said...

Because... marriage is one relationship you are 'stuck' with for better or worse. Pity there's no 'evaluator' before marriage, and one cannot trust one's instincts all the time :-|.

Raj said...

Wonderful story, beautifully narrated. By the way, you haven't told us how you know so much about the family? Did you interview each of them?

Shruthi said...

Srik, yes, Srik, thanks.

Mysorean, hmm.. interesting comparison :) Btw all these people have stories, don't they? Enough to fill books and books!

Prashanth, so true, so true.

Loonface, bringing in the police did make sense in the case you have mentioned, but here, I think it will only make the situation works. I wouldn't want to make their lives worse than it already is.

Vani, so typical, right?

Sangsta, you are so right. They just seem to be contented with their lot. I think it is just us who are troubled by these attitudes. And yes, calling the police will serve absolutely no purpose.

V, hmm... when educated people feel that way, there is no point in pointing fingers at the uneducated lot.

Nags, hmm, yes...that's a problem...

Krish, just education? Well, of course, this topic deserves a full-fledged debate/discussion.

Chitra, hmm.. sad, scary, and yes, true to an extent.

Raj, Thanks. Well, my mom is the one Selvi comes to, to talk about her problems... that's how I know all this.

8&20 said...

i agree with krish. i do believe that education is what would best help to break this vicious cycle. it was an entertaining post :) - a story well told.

Anonymous said...

lovely post shruthi!

reminds me so much of ravan and eddie by kiran nagarkar (another wonderful book by this author, of whom i'm now an ardent fan)


Sunita Venkatachalam said...

While their behavior is wierd, I don't think it has anything to do with education at all. Why I see and hear of umpteen women with post graduation degrees to their name, tolerate worse from husbands.
Why do you think a movie like Provoked gets made today?

But that part of the teen girl going down the lonely road did give me the jitters, I hope there isn't any other foulplay going on there.. (read prostitution)

Anonymous said...

Hey shruthi![ im your cousin(girija's daughter), in case u havent recognised me by my name]

very interesting post...but..
how DID u manage to get so much information about selvi's family??? im amazed!!!

Anonymous said...

P.S i meant im your mom's cousin, girija's daughter

Viky said...

That makes two of us. :|

Nihal said...

For some time yes, you will be making their lives worse, but after that there is a greater chance that they may better their lives

Anonymous said...

ಒಕ್ಕಣ್ಣಿನ ಒಂಟೆ ಮೇದ ಹಾಗೆ ಇದೆಯಲ್ಲ ಈ ಕಥೆ... ಒಂದು ಬದಿ ಮಾತ್ರ! :( :(
ಹೀಗೆ ಸುಮ್ನೆ...ಬೇಜಾರಿಲ್ಲಾಂದ್ರೆ ಕೆಲವು ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆ..
೧. ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಒಂದಲ್ಲ, ಎರಡಲ್ಲ, ೫೦ ಚೆಂದದ ಸೀರೆ ತಗೊಂಡಿದ್ದು/ಕೂಡ್‍ಹಾಕಿದ್ದು ಯಾಕೆ? ಗಂಡ ಉಡಕ್ಕೆ ಬಿಡಲ್ಲ ಅನ್ನೋ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ ಇದ್ದರೂ? ;) ;)
೨. ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಗಂಡ ಮತ್ತು ತಮ್ಮ ಇಬ್ರೂ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋದದ್ದು ಬೇರೆ ಹೆಂಗಸರ ಹತ್ರ ತಾನೆ? ಗಂಡಸರ ಹತ್ರ ಅಲ್ಲವಲ್ಲ? "ಶಿ (ಹೊಸಬ್ಳು) ವಾಸ್ ಅಲ್ಸೊ ಅನ್ ವುಮನ್" ಅಂತ ನೀವು ಹೇಳಲೇ ಇಲ್ಲ! :(
೩. ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಗಂಡ ಅವಳ ಬದ್ಲಿಗೆ ಮಗಳನ್ನೆ ಕತ್ತಲಲ್ಲಿ ಹೊರಗೆ ಕಳುಹಿಸುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ಕಾರಣ "ಸಂಶಯವೇ" ಇರಬಹುದು.. "ಪ್ಯುರಿಟಿ"ಯೂ ಅಲ್ಲ, "ಪಿರೀತಿ"ಯೂ (ಲವ್) ಅಲ್ಲ. ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಗಂಡಂಗೆ ಅವಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಯಾಕೆ ಸಂಶಯ ಅಂತ ನೀವು ಅವಳ ಗಂಡನನ್ನೇ ಕೇಳಬೇಕು... ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಅದನ್ನು ನಿಮ್ಗೆ ಹೇಳೋಲ್ಲ. :| :|
೪. ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಆಂಟಿಯ ಹೆದರಿಕೆ ಪ್ರಭಾವ ಆಂಟಿಯ ಅಕ್ಕ ಪಕ್ಕ ಮಾತ್ರ ಇರುತ್ತಾ? ಅವನು ಮನೆ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಓಡಿ ಹೋದಾಗ ಆಂಟಿ ಏನು ಮಾಡ್ತಿತ್ತು?
೫. ಗಂಡ ಇನ್ನೊಮ್ಮೆ ಓಡಿ ಹೋದಾನು ಅಂತ ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಮಗಳು ಗಂಡನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಒಲವು ತೋರಬಹುದು. "ಅಮ್ಮನ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಗಂಡ ಕೊಡಬಹುದು, ಕೊಡದೆಯೂ ಇರಬಹುದು. ಆದ್ರೆ ಗಂಡನ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಅಮ್ಮ ಕೊಡಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗುತ್ತದೆಯೆ?". 'ಖಂಡಿತಾ ಆಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ' ಅಂತ ಶೆಲ್ವಿ ಮಗಳಿಗೆ ಗೊತ್ತಿದೆ. ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಹಂಗಾಡ್ತಾಳೆ ;) ;).

ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ, ನೀವು ಹೇಳುವಂತಹ ಸಂಸಾರಗಳನ್ನೂ, ಅವರ ಕೆಲವು ಜಗಳಗಳನ್ನೂ ನಾನೂ ನೋಡಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ಆ ಜಗಳಗಳನ್ನು ಟಿವಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಗಂಡಂದೇ ತಪ್ಪು ಅನ್ನಿಸುತ್ತೆ, ರೇಡಿಯೊದಲ್ಲಿ ಕೇಳಿದರೆ ಹೆಂಡತೀದೆ ತಪ್ಪು ಅನ್ನಿಸುತ್ತೆ. ಹಾಗಿರುತ್ತೆ. ಇನ್ನೂ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹೊತ್ತು ಕೇಳ್ತಾ ಇದ್ರೆ ಗಂಡನ ಬದಲು ಕೇಳ್ತಾ ಇರೋ ನಾವೇ ಬಾರಿಸಿದರೆ ತಪ್ಪಿಲ್ಲ ಅಂತನ್ನಿಸುತ್ತೆ. ಎಲ್ಲವೂ ಅಲ್ಲ, ಕೆಲವು ಮಾತ್ರ!

ಯಾವಾಗ ಪೋಲೀಸ್ ಕರೆಯಬೇಕು, ಯಾವಾಗ ಕರೆಯಬಾರದು ಅಂತ ನಿರ್ಧಾರ ಮಾಡೋದು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಕಷ್ಟದ ಕೆಲಸ. ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಪೋಲೀಸರು ಪರಿಚಯವಿದ್ದರೆ ಒಂದೆರಡು ಬಾರಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮನೆಗೆ ಪೋಲೀಸ್ ಜೀಪಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬಂದು ಕಾಫಿ ಕುಡಿದು ಹೋಗಲು ಹೇಳಿ. :) :). 'ಪ್ಲೀಸ್ ಕಮ್ ಹೋಮ್ ಸಮ್‍ಟೈಮ್' ತರ ಅಲ್ಲ. :) :) ಆ ಹೆದರಿಕೆಗಾದರೂ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹೊಡೆದಾಟಗಳು ಕಡಿಮೆಯಾಗಬಹುದು.

ಇನ್ನು ಶಿಕ್ಶಣದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ:
ದ.ಕ. ಜಿಲ್ಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ೧೦-೨೦ ವರ್ಷ ಹಿಂದೆ ನಡೆದ ಕತೆ. ಒಬ್ಬಳು ವಕೀಲೆ ಸ್ವಜಾತಿಯ ಗಂಡೊಂದನ್ನು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸಿದ್ಳು. ಮದುವೆಯೂ ನಿಶ್ಚಯವಾಯ್ತು. ವರದಕ್ಷಿಣೆ ಸಹಿತ!! ಕೊನೆ ಗಳಿಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ವರದಕ್ಷಿಣೆ ವಿಚಾರದಲ್ಲೇ ಮದುವೆ ಮುರಿದು ಬಿತ್ತು. ವಕೀಲೆ ಹುಡುಗನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ದೂರು ಕೊಟ್ಟಳು. ಪತ್ರಿಕೆಗಳಿಗೂ, ಪೋಲೀಸರಿಗೂ. ತಿಂಗಳುಗಟ್ಟಲೆ ಸುದ್ದಿ ಪ್ರಚಾರ ನಡೆಯಿತು. ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ದಿವಸದಲ್ಲೇ ಆ ವರನಿಗೆ ಸ್ವಜಾತಿಯ ಡಾಕ್ಟರ್ ಒಬ್ಬಳ ಜೊತೆ ಮದುವೆ ನಿಶ್ಚಯವಾಯಿತು. ಪತ್ರಿಕೆಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಆ ಹೊಸ ಹುಡುಗಿಗೆ ಓದುಗರ ಮನವಿಗಳ (ಮದುವೆಯಾಗಬೇಡಿ ಅಂತ) ಸುರಿಮಳೆಯೇ ಆಯಿತು. ಆದರೆ ಮದುವೆ ನಡೆದೇ ಹೋಯಿತು.

ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ಸುಶಿಕ್ಷಿತರೇ ಇದ್ದ ಈ ನಾಟಕ ನೋಡಿದ ಮೇಲೆ "ಶಿಕ್ಷಣ" ಜನರನ್ನು ಸುಧಾರಣೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ ಅನ್ನುವ ನಂಬಿಕೆ ಹೊರಟು ಹೋಗಿದೆ ನನಗೆ.


okkaNNina oMTe mEda haage ideyalla I kathe... oMdu badi maatra! :( :(
heege sumne...bEjaarillaaMdre kelavu prashne..
1. Selvi oMdalla, eraDalla, 50 cheMdada seere tagoMDiddu/kooD^haakiddu yaake? gaMDa uDakke biDalla annO paristhiti iddaroo? ;) ;)
2. Selvi gaMDa mattu tamma ibroo heMDati biTTu hOdaddu bEre heMgasara hatra taane? gaMDasara hatra allavalla? "shi (hosabLu) waas also an wuman" aMta neevu hELalE illa! :(
3. Selvi gaMDa avaLa badlige magaLanne kattalalli horage kaLuhisuvudakke kaaraNa "saMshayavE" irabahudu.. "pyuriTi"yoo alla, "pireeti"yoo (lav) alla. Selvi gaMDaMge avaLa bagge yaake saMshaya aMta neevu avaLa gaMDanannE kELabEku... Selvi adannu nimge hELOlla. :| :|
4. Selvi aaMTiya hedarike prabhaava aaMTiya akka pakka maatra iruttaa? avanu mane biTTu ODi hOdaaga aaMTi Enu maaDtittu?
5. gaMDa innomme ODi hOdaanu aMta Selvi magaLu gaMDana bagge olavu tOrabahudu. "ammana preeti gaMDa koDabahudu, koDadeyoo irabahudu. aadre gaMDana preeti amma koDakke aaguttadeye?". 'khaMDitaa aaguvudilla' aMta Selvi magaLige gottide. adakke haMgaaDtaaLe ;) ;).

aMda haage, neevu hELuvaMtaha saMsaaragaLannoo, avara kelavu jagaLagaLannoo naanoo nODiddEne. aa jagaLagaLannu Tiviyalli nODidare gaMDaMdE tappu annisutte, rEDiyodalli kELidare heMDateede tappu annisutte. haagirutte. innoo swalpa hottu kELtaa idre gaMDana badalu kELtaa irO naavE baarisidare tappilla aMtannisutte. ellavoo alla, kelavu maatra!

yaavaaga pOlees kareyabEku, yaavaaga kareyabaaradu aMta nirdhaara maaDOdu swalpa kaShTada kelasa. yaaraadaroo pOleesaru parichayaviddare oMderaDu baari nimma manege pOlees jeepinalli baMdu kaaphi kuDidu hOgalu hELi. :) :). 'plees kam hOm sam^Taim' tara alla. :) :) aa hedarikegaadaroo swalpa hoDedaaTagaLu kaDimeyaagabahudu.

innu shikshaNada bagge:
da.ka. jilleyalli 10-20 varSha hiMde naDeda kate. obbaLu vakeele swajaatiya gaMDoMdannu preetisidLu. maduveyoo nishchayavaaytu. varadakShiNe sahita!! kone gaLigeyalli varadakShiNe vichaaradallE maduve muridu bittu. vakeele huDugana bagge dooru koTTaLu. patrikegaLigoo, pOleesarigoo. tiMgaLugaTTale suddi prachaara naDeyitu. svalpa divasadallE aa varanige swajaatiya DaakTar obbaLa jote maduve nishchayavaayitu. patrikegaLalli aa hosa huDugige Odugara manavigaLa (maduveyaagabEDi aMta) surimaLeyE aayitu. aadare maduve naDedE hOyitu.

ellaroo sushikShitarE idda I naaTaka nODida mEle "shikShaNa" janarannu sudhaaraNe maaDuttade annuva naMbike horaTu hOgide nanage.


Maverick said...

i dont believe they still exist

chitra said...

some sort of subjugation exists in all strata of society. Pity most of he time it happens behind closed doors and it is not visible to everyone.

Yes the most important thing is they are able to live happily and laugh heartily out on occasions.

Viky said...

Sheesh!!! Uunaashe, first fontu...amele transliterationnu...mechchide ree nimmna!!!

Shruthi said...

8&20, thank you! :)

Ano, thank you! Haven't read Kiran Nagarkar at all! :(

Poppins, yes, you are right... educated women do face problems, different ones, yes, but at the end, all the same. And no, no foul play, I can tell you that.

Sushma, hi :)) Info collected over almost a year.... and info comes on its own... no major effort ;)

Viky, hmm!

Uunaashe, I don't think you are too familiar with the stories of this class of people ;) Some of your questions are valid, but i am not talking about strangers... these are people we have seen from almost a year or more..... they help with the house and garden work at our place too. So this post was written after a thorough understanding and analysis!

Maverick, oh, this is nothing.. very mild, really. some stories can really be disturbing.

Chitra, exactly!

Anonymous said...

Shruthi.. as usual fantastic I know where the prof nickname comes from :-)

Anonymous said...

"And yes, despite all these problems and complications, on any given peaceful day, you can see the whole family sitting together, talking, laughing and eating, apparently without a care in the world."

the above para explains their life they are capable of forgetting everything and reunite and go on and on. so for them nothing is unusual and all their differences are common and fights too are like that.
shruthi you have taken lot of pains to go into details of the life of family who are next door now will not be there after new housewarming is over and new elite family steps in. It is nice of you to have ananlyzed the each one and given a detailed account of each. your concern for humanity is great and keep going.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Whoa!! All I can do is to echo srik's comments here: it is nothing short of a reality tour!

astrocrazy2005 said...

I dont think even education helps..I have seen many post graduates who treat women like second rate citizens and do all the same things which other uneducated people do..
Nice story...
A story which shows real India..

Anonymous said...

ನೀವು ಅಷ್ಟು ಹೇಳಿದ ಮೇಲೆ ಒಪ್ಪಬೇಕಾದ್ದೆ.
ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿ ಹಾಗಿದ್ದರೆ, ನೀವು ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ (ಪರೋಕ್ಷವಾಗಿ) ಹೆದರಿಸುವುದು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯದು.
ಉದಾಹರಣೆಗೆ, ನಾನು ಮೇಲೆ ಹೇಳಿದ ಹಾಗೆ,
"ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಪೋಲೀಸರು ಪರಿಚಯವಿದ್ದರೆ ಒಂದೆರಡು ಬಾರಿ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮನೆಗೆ ಪೋಲೀಸ್ ಜೀಪಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬಂದು ಕಾಫಿ ಕುಡಿದು ಹೋಗಲು ಹೇಳಿ..
'ಪ್ಲೀಸ್ ಕಮ್ ಹೋಮ್ ಸಮ್‍ಟೈಮ್' ತರ ಅಲ್ಲ. :) :) ಆ ಹೆದರಿಕೆಗಾದರೂ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹೊಡೆದಾಟಗಳು ಕಡಿಮೆಯಾಗಬಹುದು."
ಯಾಕೆಂದರೆ, ಇವತ್ತು ಅಪರೂಪಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊಡೆಯುವವನು, ನಾಳೆ ದಿನಾ ಹೊಡೆಯುತ್ತಾನೆ. ನಾಳಿದ್ದು ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ ಮುಂದಿಡುತ್ತಾನೆ.

ಸುಮ್ ಸುಮ್ಮ್ನೆ...
ನಿಮ್ಮ ಈ ಬ್ಲಾಗಿನ ಮತ್ತು ನೀವು ಮೇಲೆ (ನನಗೆ) ಬರೆದ ಉತ್ತರದ ಕೊನೆಯ ವಾಕ್ಯಗಳನ್ನು ಇನ್ನೊಮ್ಮೆ ಓದಿ ನೋಡಿ
...I dont understand.
...So this post was written after a thorough understanding ...

Which one is it ? :) :)
Just kidding.. I know what you meant.

ಒಂದು ಹಳೆ 'ಕಾಡುವ ಹಾಡು' ನೆನಪಾಯ್ತು..
ನಿಮ್ಗೆ ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗಿದೇಂದ್ರೆ ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗಿದೆನ್ನಿ,
ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗ್ಲಿಲ್ಲಾಂದ್ರೆ ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗ್ಲಿಲ್ಲಾನ್ನಿ,
ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗ್ದೇನೆ ಅರ್ಥ್ವಾಗಿದೇಂದ್ರೆ
ನಿಮ್ಗರ್ಥ್ವಾಗ್ಲಿಲ್ಲಾಂತ ನಮ್ಗೆ ಹೇಗರ್ಥ್ವಾಗ್ಬೇಕು?

ಫಾಂಟು, ಟ್ರಾನ್ಸ್‍ಲಿಟರೇಶನ್ನಿನಲ್ಲಿ ವಿಶೇಷವೇನಿಲ್ಲ.
ಬರಹದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ಸಾರಿ ಬರೆದು, ಎರಡು ಬಾರಿ ಕೆತ್ತಿ ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಅಂಟಿಸಿದರೆ ಆಯಿತು.
ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ, ನೀವು ಈ ಬ್ಲಾಗಿನ ಅಧಿಕೃತ ಪ್ರೂಫ್ ರೀಡರ್ :) ಆದ್ದರಿಂದ ಕೇಳ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದೇನೆ, "Another strange attitude of this watchman's - this family ..." ಸರೀನಾ? ಅಪಾಸ್ಟ್ರಫಿ ಬೇಕಾ ಅಲ್ಲಿ? ನಾನು ಈ ತರ ಬಳಸುವುದನ್ನು ನೋಡಿದ್ದೇನೆ, ಆದರೆ ಅದು ತಪ್ಪು ಬಳಕೆ ಅಂದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದೆ.


neevu aShTu hELida mEle oppabEkaadde.
paristhiti haagiddare, neevu svalpa (parOkShavaagi) hedarisuvudu oLLeyadu.
udaaharaNege, naanu mEle hELida haage,
"yaaraadaroo pOleesaru parichayaviddare oMderaDu baari nimma manege pOlees jeepinalli baMdu kaaphi kuDidu hOgalu hELi..
'plees kam hOm sam^Taim' tara alla. :) :) aa hedarikegaadaroo swalpa hoDedaaTagaLu kaDimeyaagabahudu."
yaakeMdare, ivattu aparoopakke hoDeyuvavanu, naaLe dinaa hoDeyuttaane. naaLiddu innoMdu hejje muMdiDuttaane.

sum summne...
nimma I blaagina mattu neevu mEle (nanage) bareda uttarada koneya vaakyagaLannu innomme Odi nODi
..I dont understand.
...So this post was written after a thorough understanding ...

Which one is it ? :) :)
Just kidding.. I know what you meant.

oMdu haLe 'kaaDuva haaDu' nenapaaytu..
nimge arthvaagidEMdre arthvaagidenni,
arthvaaglillaaMdre arthvaaglillaanni,
arthvaagdEne arthvaagidEMdre
nimgarthvaaglillaaMta namge hEgarthvaagbEku?

faaMTu, Traans^liTarEshanninalli vishEShavEnilla.
barahadalli oMdu saari baredu, eraDu baari ketti illi aMTisidare aayitu.
aMda haage, neevu I blaagina adhikRuta proof reeDar :) aaddariMda kELtaa iddEne, Another strange attitude of this watchman's - this family ..." sareenaa? apaasTraphi bEkaa alli? naanu I tara baLasuvudannu nODiddEne, aadare adu tappu baLake aMdukoMDidde.


Anonymous said...

A few comments above had said education is the answer. I don't think it is. I have an aunt married to an alcoholic who beats her up almost every day. We have tried putting (what we believe) sense into her - a zillion times. To no avail. 25 years now - and she continues to say when he is sober he is god. And yes, it makes me wonder too - is it a different world, different people, different mindset? I have no answers either.

Srik said...


Some have has not helped eradicating some evil mindsets of people.

I agree each and every person has different perspective of life...but its the duty of a teacher or a lesson to tell him to understand life also thru different perceptions; Take a moment out of the lives of great people and understand it...
If our education system has not been able to do it, then 'EDUCATION' has failed. We need to look out for alternatives or we need to revamp the whole system of educating people... What are we studying for after all?

Murali Parthasarathy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Murali Parthasarathy said...

What a great story for a tv serial! And I used to wonder where these writers come up with such outrageous stories. Apparently the answer is real life and some of us live in some other parallel universe!

Great storytelling Shruthi.

Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Went through some of your posts and linked to you... really nice writing! :)

Deepak said...

Hey i am one of those boring number crunching finance professionals and when i get bored with all the crap of earnings, growth, inflation, costs etc etc i head to your blog... thank god for small mercies... a request pl update regularly ( i know u quite frequently do, but no one ever said no to more of a good thing) keep up the good work.... deepak

tantragna said...

Well well... it is a story line narrated pretty well. I just want to make you understand that these people are comfortable in the way they live & not the educated/education just going to make a big difference in their life.

I am sure I can explain all the characters' here except the watchman (who lives anonymous nomenclature in your story just like the husband) who is suspicious. Well suspicion has no medicine.. Well thats the attitude. I agree..

Here the mother & daughter are just balancing the life cycle in the right track. The daughter complains & cribs about the not well laid-off for her & husband, just to make him sure that she really cares him like nobody on earth & so that he does not deserts her anymore.. The mother just realizes this & obliges to her remarks.

Let me tell you the last para just gives the immense please in reading this whole story. It shows they really care for each other & just living their passion in their own individual ways....

World imperfect world. The happier survives it fully...

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