Day 3 - A bar stool

One of my nicest Mysore memories is that of my Ajji preparing dosas for breakfast.  She sat on a tall wooden stool in front of the stove in her kitchen, a huge vessel full of dosa batter sat next the stove,  and on two burners were two tavas.  There usually were at least a dozen of us there in the summer holidays, and we'd start eating, two by two, others coming to join in as the first two finished.  She'd churn out crisp golden dosas, and we'd eat it with freshly made chutney made from freshly grated coconut that came from the trees in their garden.

Yeah, my stomach is rumbling too.

Anyway, coming to the point.  The wooden stool.  Making dosas for a hungry dozen takes a long time - and she did the logical thing - she made them all sitting down. 

Recently, while I was taking treatment for a foot pain, I was advised not to stand for too long.  So S went out and got me a bar stool to use in the kitchen.

I grumbled at first.  It doesn't sound easy, working in the kitchen, sitting at the counter.  And it is not.  But there are things one can do sitting down.  Processing vegetables, for example.  Cutting fruits.  Making dosas and akki rotti.  Washing vessels.  And yes - even making chapatis.

I thought that making chapatis sitting down would be totally impossible. But I make quite a few chapatis at least three times a week.  So that's a considerable bit of standing time.  So I gave it a shot, and guess what, that frontier has been crossed too.  Yes, you need to manoeuvre your limbs a little, you need to keep all that you want handy before you sit down, but it is possible to make chapatis sitting down, contrary to what I had believed for years.

I've had the stool for two weeks now, and it is helping. My legs don't feel tired any more after making chapatis.  As for dosas - ah!  Now, without any guilt,  S requests me to make all kinds of dosas, and I don't mind at all.  It is fun, sitting on the stool, making the dosa, swivelling around (Ajji didn't have that luxury!) to talk to S and Puttachi, feeling quite trendy and all. ;)



 

Day 29 - The Glorification of Busy

Being busy has become a status symbol these days.  People wear it as a badge of honour.  "Oh I'm sooo busy" is a measure of how worthy you are, how successful your life is.

When I say that S comes back home early from work, and we play badminton, and he plays with Puttachi, brushes her teeth and puts her to bed - I am doing the poor man an injustice.  I should say, "Oh, he gets back early, but then he has call after call - he is busy the whole evening and into the night - even his weekends are full."  That is the measure of true success, you see.

But why?

This article resonated with me - The Busy Trap.

Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.

 ......

I could see why people enjoy this complaint (that I'm too busy); it makes you feel important, sought-after and put-upon.

In a conversation with my aunt recently, she said, "People think that being busy is an aim in itself, but I thought that the point was to be busy enough to earn a living in as little time as possible, and then spend the remaining time in creativity and self-improvement, and enjoy life."

*Cue - Bow deeply thrice in said aunt's direction.*

I couldn't have said it better.

I'm not saying that one shouldn't be busy.  Life is short, after all, and there are so many things to do - so fill it up by all means - but why has busyness become so exalted?  I get many compliments about how I "keep myself busy."  Questions are also framed that way, when people realize that I don't go out to work - "So how do you keep yourself busy all day?"   Why should I keep myself busy?  Why should not being busy make one a less important person?  What if I choose to fill my days pottering about  my house doing nothing, and totally enjoying it?

Let's stop glorifying the business of busyness!

Day 18 - Life's goals

Occasionally, I am asked what my goals are.  Where do I want to be a few years from now?  But I don't really have answers to that. I'm not the kind of person who makes goals and works towards them.  I have a vague idea about what I want to do, and I vaguely saunter in that direction.  I do know that I want to stay happy and comfortable and fulfilled, but that's about it.

Not a sign of "A highly successful person," eh?

But recently, an uncle posted some advice on FB which made sense to me.  He said, on the topic of looking for long, medium and short term goals:

I've found the best way to do this is to draft your own obituary as you would like to see it. Make three versions, one assuming you die a year from now, second assuming you die 5 years from now and the third say for 20 years from now.

Slightly morbid, huh?  But you know what, it kind of gives a direction to my actions if I keep this in mind.

I haven't made a list or anything, but whenever I find myself spending too much time on a game, for instance, I alert myself with, "Shruthi, nobody's going to say in your obituary, "Shruthi Rao ran a million miles on Temple Run.""   Thus it helps draw me away from useless things.

It also helps to think about what people will not say about me.  For instance, right now, they'll definitely not say, "She was a highly organized, proactive individual."  And you know what, I would like that to be said about me.  And so I know I want to work towards that.

Funny, actually, considering that if there is indeed going to be an obituary, it wouldn't affect me one bit!   But still, I want this and I want that - Vanity, vanity!  Anyway, whatever works, huh? :)

Day 14 - Disagreeing with respect

I'm reading Chandra, a biography of S.Chandrasekhar by Kameshwar C Wali  [I recommend it highly, even if you don't understand astrophysics.  It is an absorbing story of the life of a great man.]

One of the most striking incidents in Chandra's life is when, as a young scientist, he derived a theory that was publicly ridiculed by Arthur Eddington. The theory was ultimately proven right after decades, and Chandra was awarded the Nobel Prize for this work.  But at that time, as a twenty-four year old in a foreign land, he was deeply upset and frustrated by Eddington's reaction.  Though Eddington's arguments were not valid at all, he was such an authority that none of the other astrophysicists even bothered to go into Chandra's studies and confirm who was right.  Those who did, agreed with Chandra privately, but didn't take a public stand.  So Chandra had to take the decision to abandon his exciting new discovery and concentrate on something else, because a cloud had been cast upon his work, and in that environment, he knew he wouldn't be able to progress.

You and I cannot possibly understand the level of his disappointment, but yet - Eddington and Chandra remained friends, dining together, going on picnics and bicycle rides together.  Chandra's letters show how deeply upset he was by Eddington's actions, and yet, he set professional discord aside and stayed friendly with Eddington on a personal level.  I can only marvel at this.

Ever so often, we are drawn into disagreements over minor things, and I've seen people take these disagreements personally, and things spiral out of control and degenerate into bitterness and name-calling.  I'm pretty sure you've all been in at least one such argument.  I know people who are afraid to disagree with people because they're afraid it'll break their friendship.  This is so sad!

I  personally welcome differences of opinion and disagreements, because it usually provides me with an entirely different POV.  But I'm very hesitant to start disagreeing with certain people because I cannot handle the venom that comes with it.  Hello, I'm disagreeing with your views, not your self!

My friend M and I have had such interesting conversations over our differences of opinion, with both of us putting across our points of views, and noting the other's view, and not taking it personally.  And at the end of the discussion, we still stuck with our personal opinions, but we knew why the other thought her way, and that was okay with both of us.   It was such a refreshing change that I remember actually thanking her!

If you're reading this, and if you're the kind who takes differences of opinions personally, please loosen up.  You'll benefit from it!

Day 11 - Tiny Habits

There's so much info floating about on how to form habits, and how long it takes to form a habit.  21 days, say some, but recent research says it takes much longer, and varies for different things.

I recently heard about Tiny Habits and signed up.  But the week went awry, and I couldn't complete it.  I intend to sign up again soon, but I have two takeaways from what I read and learnt from it.

1 - To form a  habit, you need to start small.  A tiny step initially seems much more doable than a mountainous task ahead of you.
2 - Using another activity as a crutch to form a habit is really useful.  For example, instead of saying, "I'm going to drink a glass of water every morning,"  if you say to yourself, "I'm going to drink a glass of water every morning immediately after I brush  my teeth"  - you are using teeth-brushing as a crutch after which you'll do your water-drinking, and teeth-brushing is something you do every day, and so that's something you'll not miss, and so you'll not miss the water-drinking either. And soon, the water-drinking will become a habit by itself.

I've been using the second one especially, to do certain activities with Puttachi, and it is helping.

Hope it helps you too.

Day 24 - The joy of exercising your body

By no stretch of imagination can I be called a fitness enthusiast, but I try.  Apart from a healthy diet, I try and get in some exercise on most days.

Mostly, I walk.  Sometimes, I do yoga.  Occasionally, I just do some stretches.  I am nowhere near those who go gymming and running regularly, or swim or play a sport every day, but I try to keep up whatever little I do.  I intend to step up my exercise regimen, but... all in its own time.

But the beauty of it is that even this little bit of exercise does me good. I cannot make out that exercise has been helping me until I stop exercising for a while.  And then I can really make out the difference.

Regular exercise keeps me  in a good mood, more alert and interested in my day.  My digestion is better, I  suffer less from PMS, and on the whole, I feel better about myself and about life.  Isn't that reason enough to exercise regularly?

Small things make me feel good - when I run up three flights of stairs and don't collapse with exhaustion, for instance.  Or when I'm walking along the road, and I don't have to literally heave myself up on too-high footpaths, but instead cruise along - feels great.  And then during the actual exercising itself - yoga, for instance - the stretches feel so good.  Anybody who has experienced the pleasure of a yoga stretch will know what I mean.

It isn't easy for everybody, but do try.to fit a little exercise into your day.  That small investment will prove its worth by making your day better and easier for you.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, where I will pontificate on power naps.

Day 9 - TED

Another boon of the internet is the access we have gained - to people, places, and most of all, to ideas.

"Ideas worth spreading" is the tagline of TED, which I think is one of the greatest things available on the internet today.  Superlative, uplifting, inspiring, thought-provoking talks by amazing people on all kinds of topics - it broadens your mind and expands your horizons.

I'm sure you've all watched some TED talk or the other, but if you  haven't, (or even if you have), this is a good place to start.   You can even google for "Top 10 TED talks" or "Most-watched TED-talks" and then one will lead you to another, and before you know it, you'll be hooked.

These talks aren't too long - less than 10 minutes, some around 20 minutes - you can watch them instead of watching TV, for instance.  When do I watch them?  When I'm having lunch, when I'm folding a heap of laundry - and most often, when I am engaged in that very boring but necessary task of cleaning and processing green vegetables.  Sometimes, if I need a break from work, or cooking, or if I just need to sit down, I watch a TED talk.

It is so heartening to see the kind of things going on in the world, to come to know about the latest ideas and research and technological developments that is happening out there.

You can listen to renowned scientists and writers and engineers and artists and performers.  You can listen to some great talks on education.  Or you can be quietly, but equally inspired by unknown, lay people from remote corners of the world who are silently making a difference in the world.  Like the Afghan girl who speaks about secretly educating Afghan girls, or a 13-year old Masai boy who created a solar-powered device to scare lions away. 

Every time the news in the papers sickens me, every time the cheapness, perversion and corruption of humans starts to get to me, I turn to TED talks.  They offer me solace, inspiration, and restore my faith in humanity.

Day 8 - Online courses

Just about a couple of years ago, if someone had told you that you could take a course from the top universities of the world, from stalwarts in the field, sitting in your home, for free, would you have believed it?

It is wonderful how MOOCs are growing.  And I experienced it myself first hand, when I took a course "Think Again: How to Reason and Argue" from Coursera early this year.  It was good fun, in many ways.  The video lectures and assignments and quizzes were well-structured, and technically, it was excellent.  One of the instructors, Dr.Walter Sinnott-Armstrong, was very good, and I thoroughly enjoyed his lectures.  I later found that he is a very well-known person in his field.  The discussion forums on this course abounded with comments by students who gushed about how lucky they felt to be learning from such a bigwig.

The best part about this course was the fact that I could view the lectures whenever I wanted.  And if I didn't understand something, or if I dozed off in the middle (I did!)  I could always play the video again.  What an advantage over a real classroom situation!  I earned myself a certificate with distinction too at the end of it.  

There are a couple of things I learned about online courses.  One, the instructor matters.  I signed up for another course, but I didn't find the instructor impressive enough, and I un-enrolled in a couple of weeks.  Another thing is that you have to choose the course depending on your level of interest and the time you have available to do it.  I know, sounds obvious.  But I signed up for Astronomy with a lot of enthusiasm, but I couldn't spare the kind of time or attention needed for the level it was taught at.  

I have now signed up for an Archaeology course.  I found to my great joy that the instructor is a very robust, ebullient, likeable lady, and I actually feel like she is talking to me personally (felt that way with Dr.Sinnott-Armstrong too)  and it makes me want to give my best to the course. 

There are many other sites out there, like Udacity, apart from Coursera where you can find online courses.  And of course, if you go the websites of several top universities, you can see information on courses they offer there. 

A great way to learn more about something you're already interested in, or to add to your skills. From the comfort of your home.  For free.

A wonderful breakfast

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now. When in my aunt's house in England, we had cereals and fruits and nuts every morning. I enjoyed that breakfast. After S joined us, he was totally taken with the idea of such a healthy breakfast. When we got back, we discussed it, and decided to try out that breakfast for a couple of weeks.

We did try, and we're hooked. I cook oats in milk, and add chopped fresh fruits, nuts and dry fruits. I also add a fistful of ragi araluhittu/hurihittu (popped and powdered ragi.) For a bit of crunch, we add a little Kellogg's oatbites. It's working wonderfully for us in many ways, at many levels.

Every morning, at about 9 or 10, I had a tendency to feel terribly tired and drained out. It was worse when I ate bread and uppittu. (My mother and my grandmother also have the same problem, and we're still not clear why it happens). After we started this breakfast, it hasn't happened even once. I do feel hungry again at about 10 or 11 (but I feel hungry around that time even after an Indian breakfast), but I've never once felt drained out. Peevee, my sister, the nutrition expert, says that it is because of complex carbohydrates in the oats - it releases energy bit by bit.

Besides, the compulsory dose of fruits and fibre has done wonders for Puttachi's digestion. Initially, Puttachi wasn't very receptive to it, and I felt guilty about giving her something she probably didn't like. But one Saturday, when I set a plate of something else before her, she frowned and said, "Why haven't you made oats? I want oatmeal." "Don't fuss, eat whatever is on your plate," I said, but inwardly, I was doing somersaults! It's been eight months and she is also enjoying this breakfast as much as S and I do. As for me, who is so crazy about good food, I was quite sure I'd get bored with this after a while, but each morning, I approach my bowl with great enthusiasm, and that is saying a lot about it!

To an extent, this breakfast means lesser time and effort. But it does take time chopping fruits and breaking nuts down into small pieces for Puttachi, and cooking the oats just right so that it doesn't get gooey - it does have it's own effort. But the biggest plus is that I needn't wonder every night what to make for breakfast next morning.

But I make make Indian breakfast in the weekends - one, for my tastebuds, and two, because I don't want to forget how to make all that, and three, if I feel tired, I can very well chuck everything and take a break mid-morning.

If, for any reason, a hearty Indian breakfast is not working for you, I urge you to try this.

A fuller life?

We are in Mysore.

Mysore always wraps me up in this delicious, pleasant, languorous feeling, and I can never have enough of the city. Memories of summer holidays from my childhood, without a care, without a thought, flit past my eyes. Basking in the affection of my grandparents and aunts, eating to my heart's content, sleeping, meeting with people, long walks to nowhere - Mysore for me encompasses this and much, much more.

On a drive yesterday through broad avenues lined with Gulmohar trees in full, flaming bloom, I looked around the city I love. The old, beautiful buildings - some derelict, some renovated - but all of them charming. Old market areas, the antiquity of which no number of modern signboards or posh new shops can hide. Chamundi Betta (Hill), which stands like a sentinel, ever present, like a comforting caretaker. Endless charm.

I have written about this before, but I can never get over how easy it is to get to places in Mysore. Everything is just a short distance away, and commuting is a cakewalk. I have been thinking - it is perhaps possible to live a fuller life in a small town than in a bigger town?

Let me try and analyze with the example of Bangalore and Mysore. In Bangalore, the distances are too great. The traffic makes it even more difficult to reach a destination. In Mysore, the city itself is smallish. The roads are unclogged (so far) and getting to a place doesn't take too much time. Doesn't that mean that in Bangalore, we tend to spend a longer time on the road than at the destination? At least if the commuting was pleasant, then it would have been okay. But it only results in headaches and high blood pressure.

After Puttachi was born, we have had to work everything around her schedules. As of now, she takes two naps in a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and the wakeful periods between the naps is about 2.5 hours. The only time she stays awake for a long period is in the evening - about 5.5 hours, before going to bed for the night. Thus, in Bangalore, we have to schedule all our outings and visits for the evening time. If we did schedule something in the morning, she will be sleepy and hungry by the time we reach the destination. But in Mysore, we can schedule outings in the mornings too without any problem.

On Friday, we took Puttachi to the zoo. Our agenda was clear. Show her the elephants, the big cats and the monkeys, and the giraffe, and get back before her nap time. The zoo would close at 5 30 pm, so it was best to go in the morning. Besides, morning is the time when the animals are active. So we waited for Puttachi to wake up in the morning, fed her something and whisked her away to the zoo. It took twenty minutes to get to the zoo, twenty minutes to get back, and we spent about an hour and a half at the zoo. It resulted in Puttachi's nap time being pushed a bit, but she saw everything that we wanted to show her and she enjoyed it thoroughly. Had it been in Bangalore, it would have been totally impossible to finish this whole programme in under three hours.

Then there are these times where you can take spot decisions and just leave. We had a dinner to attend on Thursday night at about eight. On Thursday evening, at 5 30, we thought, ok, we have a couple of hours ahead of us before the dinner, so what shall we do today? My cousin K2 said, why not go to Chamundi Betta? And voila! We were dressed and out of the house by 6, we were on top of Chamundi Betta by 6 30. Since it was May 1st, and a holiday, we saw the magnificent sight of the lighted Mysore palace from atop Chamundi Betta, and after enjoying the breeze for a while, we were back at home by 7 30, just in time to reach the friend's home for dinner.

Contrast this with what would have happened in Bangalore. We would have had to leave at 5 30 for the dinner at 7 30. As for an impromptu visit to the hills (if any), it would have been laughable to say the least.

You might argue that Bangalore, being a larger city, has more places to go to, more ways to spend your time, more activities, etc., and that is true. But what about the effort needed to get to these places in the first place? In Mysore, the time and effort spent in getting to a place could have been utilized in some other way.

What do you think?

The Right Mindset

My sis sent me this excellent link about the work of Carol Dweck, a Stanford psychologist, and her book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success".

While I urge you to read the article completely, I will highlight a few points here which appealed to me particularly.

I have always wondered what it is that makes some people successful. Why they strive, achieve, and reach where they want to, and go further. Why what works for one doesn't work for another. Is it motivation? Is it innate talent? Is it the ability to work hard?

Carol Dweck tried to figure it out, and...

The key, she found, isn’t ability; it’s whether you look at ability as something inherent that needs to be demonstrated or as something that can be developed.

What’s more, Dweck has shown that people can learn to adopt the latter belief and make dramatic strides in performance.

When she tried to explore why some people treated obstacles as challenges, where other people became discouraged by it, she found...

People who attributed their failures to lack of ability [...] would become discouraged even in areas where they were capable. Those who thought they simply hadn’t tried hard enough, on the other hand, would be fueled by setbacks.

Her research led her to conclude that there are two kinds of people - Those with "Learning Goals", and those with "Performance Goals", i.e. The former want to increase their ability, while the latter want to show off their ability.

People with performance goals, she reasoned, think intelligence is fixed from birth. People with learning goals have a growth mind-set about intelligence, believing it can be developed.

See this excellent diagram for the complete picture.

There is one more important thing that she says.

But aren’t there plenty of people who believe in innate ability and in the notion that nothing comes without effort? Logically, the two ideas are compatible. But psychologically, explains Dweck, many people who believe in fixed intelligence also think you shouldn’t need hard work to do well. [...] “The fallacy comes when people generalize it to the belief that effort on any task, even very hard ones, implies low ability,” Dweck says.

If you have been reading through this and increasingly feeling that you are one of those with a fixed mind-set, there is hope for you. Dweck says it is definitely possible to change your beliefs.

Dweck has also applied her theory to kids' moral education. Here's a sample - of how to motivate your child.

Reading this article has set my brain whirring. I hope it does the same to you.