Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Day 7 - Bullied in the playground

It's tough to see your child being bullied.  Puttachi ran home last evening, sad-eyed, saying that everybody in the playground was throwing things at her.  This wasn't the first time - Puttachi has been bullied before, by the same set of kids. (6-year-olds, all)   But this time, she was even sadder because one of them was her best friend K, a classmate from school who has moved into our apartment complex recently.

Me: What were they throwing at you?  Are you hurt?
She: No, it was just those small colourful thermocol balls that you find at birthday parties.  But everybody was throwing it only at me.  I tried throwing some back, but everybody, Amma, was throwing it only at me.  I told K to stop throwing, and come with me, but she didn't listen. 

Like I said, she's been targeted before, but this time she was upset because her friend was there too. 

One - I have no idea why she is bullied - she is usually lost in her own world.  Perhaps that could be it - she doesn't actively join the other kids while playing.  And she doesn't really care much for group dynamics - if everybody decides they should do one thing, Puttachi doesn't necessarily go along with them.  I think she doesn't really care, and so she doesn't listen to the "gang-leader" among the kids.   According to K's mom, this is what bothers the leader the most.  And she instigates the others to target Puttachi.

Two - K is a very go-with-the-flow kind of kid.  I can totally understand that she had't even realized that Puttachi was upset.  K has obviously thought of it as a game and gone along with the others.  But since Puttachi is an intensely empathetic kid, she expects others to understand her pain too, and that is obviously not possible. I've tried telling her not to expect it from others, but she doesn't quite get it yet. 

So, she was walking around morosely.  I told her that  K probably was totally unaware that she was hurt, and asked if she wanted to call and tell K how she was feeling.  She cheered up immediately... and called her.  This is the conversation that ensued. 

Puttachi:  K, you were throwing things at me at the park today.  I didn't like it a bit, and I felt very sad.  Why did you do that?
K: But it was just a game.
Puttachi:  But you were all throwing it at me, for me it wasn't funny. 
K: I did not know.
Puttachi:  I told you to stop throwing, and come play with me, why didn't you do it?
K: Did you?  I did not hear you.  Everybody was shouting.  I'm sorry. 
Puttachi:  It's okay.  Please don't do it again next time okay?  I felt sad.
K: Ok I won't do it again. 
Puttachi:  Next time when everybody is throwing things at me, will you play with me?
K: Yes
Puttachi: Ok, bye, good night!

Puttachi felt much better after this conversation. But I later learnt that K was very upset about it.  She called again after a while, and apologized again, the poor thing.  

But I know this is not the end.  Puttachi will be bullied again, and she'll be upset again.  How do I handle it without getting involved, or how do I teach her to handle it?

Any ideas/suggestions?

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Day 6 - Himavad Gopalaswamy Betta

About 80 km from Mysore is the Himavad Gopalaswamy Betta, a hill with a temple on top of it. This is situated in the Bandipur area.  Himavad in Kannada means misty, foggy, and the hills are covered with mist throughout the year, especially in the early mornings and evenings.

The sights from the top are impressive, and there are frequent sightings of elephants and recently, tigers.
We had trekked a bit on the top of the mountain when we went there previously.  But this time, we found that access has been blocked - you can't go anywhere else aside from the temple.  Not only that, you are only allowed to stay there for a little more than an hour.   I think if we'd known this before, we wouldn't have gone at all!

Anyway, here are a few pics.

It wasn't exactly Hiimavad when we went.... we planned it all wrong.  Anyway, the drive is quite beautiful.  There is another view I loved - but don't have a picture of.  You turn from the highway into the road that leads to the betta (hill) and then  you see the road stretching ahead of you, with the Betta beyond it - quite a breathtaking sight.  I had dozed off on the drive, and had just gotten up, and so I wasn't bright enough to take out the camera and click :(


The drive up the hill


View from the top

Another view

Bare trees against the blue winter sky.  I love winter skies - so clear and so blue!


I don't have good pics of the temple itself - you'll find some here

Location:  80 km from Mysore, on the Mysore - Ooty road.  Just after Gundlupet, you have to turn to the right, and the road takes you right to the top of the betta.  The road is ok, motorable.

Timings: Between 8 to 5 (approx)  

Entry: There's a checkpoint at the bottom of the hill.  Cars have to pay 50 rupees, and you need to be back at that point within an hour and fifteen minutes.

There is a restaurant, Pugmark, a part of the Bandipur Safari Lodge, on the highway towards Bandipur, just 7 km beyond the turning to the betta.  We ate a buffet lunch there - Wholesome, tasty, food.  Reasonably priced.

Saturday, January 04, 2014

Day 5 - The Railway Museum, Mysore

The Railway Museum, situated next to the Railway Station in Mysore, is a fun place to spend a couple of hours, especially if you have train-crazy children.  

It is mostly open-air, with actual steam engines, diesel engines, coaches and bogies.   You can get inside coaches and engines, and get a feel of it all!  There are quite a few boards which explain each installation.

Forgive me for the quality of images - they were taken with a mobile camera.


Puttachi pretending to drive a steam engine.



 Awed by the size of the wheels - they were taller than Puttachi.


A crane-train.


An old Austin that was rescued from a British scrapyard, given railway wheels, and used to ferry inspection engineers.




An inside view of the coach of the Maharani of Mysore.  The entire coach consisted of the Maharani's bedroom, sitting room, servant's quarters and toilet, cook's quarters and toilet, kitchen, dining room, luggage room - all of which fascinated Puttachi.



There is even a toy train with a very short journey, but was enough to excite Puttachi.  Here's a view of the Mysore railway station from the toy train. 

Friday, January 03, 2014

Day 4 - Something to think about?

A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly felt cold right after lunch (happens to me all the time.) I shivered involuntary, and grimaced.

Immediately, Puttachi, got up, went to my room, and brought my sweater to me.

Me: Oh thank you, sweetheart!  How did you know I was feeling cold?

She: Well, you shivered, and your face looked as if you were scared.  But then, you are not afraid of anything.  So that meant you were cold.  So I brought your sweater.

I gave myself mental high-fives.   "You've been a good role-model to your daughter, Shruthi! Not scared of anything indeed!" I told myself.

But then I stopped.  Come to think of it, that could also mean that I am not putting myself in situations where I could feel afraid!  i.e. I am not pushing myself enough.  Could that be true?

Food for thought!

Day 3 - Day trip to Chitradurga Fort

This winter break, we decided to do a day-trip to Chitradurga, which is a town 200 km from Bangalore, known for its magnificent hill fortress of the same name.  (Chitra - picturesque, Durga - Fort)  Built in the 15th century, the fort was the headquarters of generations of the Nayakas. There are seven concentric ramparts to this fort, and it is a really awe-inspiring place.


Puttachi has long been fascinated by the story of the brave woman Obavva, who discovered Hyder Ali's soldiers trying to enter the fort through a secret chink in one of the walls.   She stood next to the chink, and as the soldiers crept through it, she hit them on the head with a mortar, killing them all.  She is known as Onake Obavva (Onake - mortar) and the chink is called "Obavvana kindi" (Obavva's chink.)

We were eager to see the kindi, but unfortunately, we had gone on a day when half of the schools of Karnataka had landed up at the fort for their annual school picnic.  So it was extremely crowded, and Obavvana kindi, being the most popular sightseeing point of the place, was so full of people that we could hardly even spot the kindi.  Fortunately, Puttachi took the disappointment in her stride.  Since we couldn't even get a good picture of the kindi, I'll guide you to google's images of the kindi.

This is the view as soon as you enter the first rampart.



From within the first suttu (outermost rampart) - a part of the fort, a part of the town, and hills and windmills beyond.

Entrance gate of one of the concentric ramparts.  

One of the many, many temples inside the fort. 


 Picture above - On either side of the bridge are two lakes, used for rain-water harvesting.  The fort has a series of interconnecting lakes, and according to the information Hyder Ali got from his spies, the fort always had sufficient supply of water, and could withstand drought for 12 years! (And this, remember, is a very, very dry, barren area)
Picture below - another tank just outside the fort.   The outflow of the inner tanks collects here.  And apparently, there is one more tank in the marketplace into which the extra water from here collects (called Santhe-honde)




View of the Hidimbeshwara temple (Legend has it that this is where Hidimba and Hidimbi of the Mahabharata lived)



Monkey inhabitants.  Lots of monkeys are around, but they aren't aggressive.


When the fort was built, the  massive boulders on this hill were cut, and the temples and other structures were built with them.  Notches, and holes were cut into the boulder, and iron pegs were inserted into these notches.  Then the boulder was gently prised apart.  Water injected into these notches made the splitting easier.  You can see the notches and holes in the next two photos.




We found the traditional game Navakankari etched on the floor of one of the temples.  Puttachi was thrilled.  One of her favourite games!


This awe-inspiring structure is the Maddu Beesuva kallu, or the Grinding apparatus where Gunpowder was made.  The architectural complexity and immensity of this structure is jaw-dropping.




Visitor information:

Distance from Bangalore - 200 km.  A day trip is completely possible.

Time to drive - 3 hours (without any food/rest stops)  The road is excellent - NH4, the Bangalore-Pune highway, via Tumkur.  And the only place you need to stop are the Toll gates (lot of these on the way!)
We started at 6 30 am, reached at 9 45 am.   Started back at 1 15 pm, reached Bangalore at 4 pm.

Food - Not available inside the fort.  Shops outside didn't seem inviting.  We had taken packed food from home, and we ate it inside the fort.   I didn't notice any dustbins, so please take your own trash bag.

Water - Take lots of it. Hot, dry place.

Best time to visit - The summers are very hot and dry, so winter should be better.  Though we went in December, the sun beat down upon us.  But the wind was cool, and so we didn't feel hot.  (I say wind, not breeze, mind you!)  Take caps, hats, sunscreen.

Is it easy to go around?  - There isn't any hiking as such, but there's a lot of climbing up and down. The steps are steep in some places. So you need to be a little fit to do this.

How much time will it take?  - 3-4 hours is sufficient.

Guide - Guides are available.  We didn't hire any, though.  I had read up quite a bit about it previously, and there are boards here and there explaining what you see, how the fort is designed, etc.

Edited to add:  Here's an informative post with great pics.

Mail me if you have more questions!

Thursday, January 02, 2014

Day 2 - Looking back at 2013

2013 was a vast improvement over 2012.  Though 2012 was a momentous one in many ways, I wasn't in a good space mentally.  2013 changed all that, and it showed in my writing.  I wrote and published quite a bit. [Full list here]

13 non-fiction articles published in The Hindu, Deccan Herald and Women's Web.
2 short stories published in online magazines.
1 short story accepted for an anthology
1 short story won an award.
1 picture book for an underprivileged child.
Lots and lots of content written for websites.

Apart from this, I've worked on many short stories - visiting some of them scores of times, and scraping, whittling, fine-tuning, polishing them, and yet, haven't been satisfied enough to send them out into the world.

I've also completed four online courses.

Think Again: How to Reason and Argue -  Duke University - Coursera.
The Science of Gastronomy - Hong Kong University - Coursera
Archaeology's Dirty Little Secrets - Brown University - Coursera
A Brief History of Architecture - MIT - EdX

I've particularly enjoyed the last two, and they have led me to read a lot about India's history, particularly about how India's lost history was rediscovered by the British.

Now that's quite nicely done, even if I say so myself.

In 2014, I wish to write more of fiction, along with all the non-fiction!

But while my writing life is doing well, I've still not scaled up to handling my life intelligently.  Managing finances, being organized, shouldering responsibilities and being pro-active - there's a lot to be desired.  Ask S, he'll tell you.

I also need to learn how to deal with people more wisely.  I've to give more of myself to those I love, and I've to learn how to handle people who are using me as a doormat. :)

I've also not been too successful in handling the new, grown-up Puttachi, and I think I've made several mistakes while dealing with her.  That's something I need to work on.  And I'll share my learning with you, of course!

That's a lot of work!

So what do you have in mind for yourself in 2014?

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Day 1 - Happy New Year!

"One admits that this artificial demarcation of the ever ebbing tide of time is unnatural, strange... But it helps to review the past and look with bright hopes forward."
                             - S.Chandrasekhar, Astrophysicist and Nobel Laureate.

[From a letter to his father, picked from the excellent book Chandra:A Biography of S.Chandrasekhar by Kameshwar C.Wali]

This quote echoes exactly what I feel about the new year.

I hope you have a wonderful year!

January is going to be another month of A-post-a-day, so wish me luck! :)

[Read the previous A-post-a-day posts here]

And I'll leave you with my latest article - on MOOCs, or Massive Online Open Courses, my current favourite topic!    Read it here.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

e-Addas

Sometimes I feel that the whole of social media is just one big adda!  My article in today's Deccan Herald Living on this topic - It's virtually anytime meet-up in the gizmo world

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Tooth fairy tales

Ever wondered what two 6-year-olds talk about? Here's a sample. (I've tried to stay true to their language)

Scene: My kitchen. I'm making chapatis, and Puttachi and her friend K are sitting at the kitchen table, having dinner.

Puttachi: Look how much my tooth is shaking.

K: Look how much mine is shaking. Anusha's tooth is shaking so much that today in school, blood came out of it.

P:  Ganesh's tooth also. When my first tooth was shaking, lots of blood came out.

K: When my first tooth fell, the tooth fairy gave me a gift. She left it under my pillow, but she forgot to take the tooth away.

P: (laughs)

K: Why are you laughing?

P: The tooth fairy is your parents.

K: What? No. The tooth fairy is really there.

P: No, there are no fairies.

K: But you are always talking about fairies.

P: Oh I looooove fairies. I love to imagine them and think about them.  But actually there are no fairies.

K: There are fairies. They live in the sky and come down sometimes, like the tooth fairy. Like Santa Claus also.

P: Santa Claus is also not real.

K: Santa Claus is real. He gave me three gifts once.

P: Santa Claus is also your parents. Your parents gave you the gifts.

K: Noooo why will my parents give me three-three gifts? It was Santa Claus.

P:  (looking at me) Amma, how do I make her understand?

At this point, I quickly changed the topic. I sure hope poor little K hasn't been too scarred by Puttachi. I can just not understand how someone like Puttachi who is always in her fantasy-world can be so clear and particular about reality!

Friday, November 08, 2013

More of Puttachi's thoughts on the Ramayana

So we are into the two-dozenth retelling of the Ramayana.  I have written before about how I've told Puttachi the Ramayana in different stages, adding on layers and sub-stories with each retelling.  And since the last post, we've progressed, and so have her questions. 

If you remember, last time, she'd asked me 

Did Lakshmana also try to lift the bow? If he had, do you think he would have been able to lift it? Then he would have married Sita, no? 
Why didn't Lakshmana's wife Urmila also go to the forest? Wasn't she bored? She should also have gone. 

This time, she asked me:

She: Amma, when Hanumanta went to find Sita, he offered to take her back with him.  Why didn't she go?

Me: She wanted Rama to come and defeat Ravana and then take her back.

She: I think Sita is quite silly, Amma.  She should have gone with Hanumanta.  See, war could have been avoided.  So many people were killed in the war, such a waste.  All that would never have happened if Sita had gone with Hanumanta.

Me: (Smiling at her logic.)

She: (eyes lighting up) Ohhh.. Amma... I think I know why!

Me: Why?

She: Perhaps Valmiki* just liked long stories..... like I do!

*Valmiki wrote the Ramayana.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Bdellophobia?

While we were exploring trails around the homestay, we were told that there was one path through the plantation that made for a good walk, except for the abundant leeches there.   I had had only one experience with leeches before.  One had latched onto me during our trip to Wayanad last year, and naturally, I discovered it only after the fat leech, full of my blood, slid down the inside of my jeans.  I wasn't bothered.  After all, it doesn't hurt.  The only thing is  that blood keeps flowing from the wound long after the leech drops off, until the anticoagulant it has injected wears off.  After this instance, I observed with fascination the occasional leech we passed by, how they stand up on one end, and probe the air with the other end, push themselves forward, stand up and continue probing.

Once I got back, I looked up leeches and read about them, about how they inject anti-coagulant and analgesic into our blood before starting the sucking.  And I marvelled at what an amazing creature it is.   So when our host at Mugilu, when talking about the plantation walk, warned us, "In case you have a phobia of leeches..."  I shrugged it off. 

We went to the plantation, and started walking.  Puttachi noticed a big beetle, and we stopped to watch it.  I bent down to look at it closely, and then I saw next to it, a leech, standing on end, probing the air.  Hey look, I said, and then I saw one more next to it.  And then another, and another. All of them standing on end, probing, searching.....  Then Puttachi said, hey, look at your shoes - and we all looked, leeches were already on our shoes, and crawling up our jeans.  I looked down again, and suddenly it seemed to me that the ground was full of leeches, and I felt that the entire forest floor was rising up and reaching out to me through these filament-like fingers, wanting to suck my blood.  It was like a nightmare. I  couldn't breathe, I clutched my head, tears flowed down my cheeks, and I said something like, "I can't I can't I can't I can't...."   I've never felt that way before!  At first, S probably thought I was joking, and then he realized that something was really wrong, and we all immediately walked back up to safe-ground.  We spent the next ten minutes pulling leeches off our clothes, and checking our shoes and socks to see if we were clear. 

That was such a revelation - sometimes you cannot explain why you are petrified of some things, and why you are not..... in fact, the very next day, our host showed us a leech that was walking on his hand, looking for the right place to latch onto him, and I watched it again with the same fascination as before, from inches away, and felt no fear.  It was only down there, with leeches all around me, that I felt that kind of panic.  

Lessen learned. I'll never pooh-pooh phobias again. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

A short holiday at Sakaleshpur

We took a little vacation this week in Sakaleshpur, about 200 km from Bangalore. On the way to the homestay, we stopped at Manjarabad fort, a star-shaped fort built by Tipu Sultan in the late eighteenth century.  [Click for google image]  He built it as a defensive location.  And it must have really worked well as a lookout place, because the views from the top are quite spectacular.


We stayed at Mugilu, a lovely little plantation homestay.  Clean and comfortable cottages, superb location, wonderful hosts, tasty and home-like food,  the most stupendous grasslands next to it, and loads of inviting walking trails.   

These are  a few pictures of the grasslands.  We walked, ran, played frisbee, and just sat on the grass.  


We, in places like Bangalore are so unused to places where there is not a single soul in your line of sight.  When we were walking on these grasslands, S and Puttachi went ahead, and for a while, they weren't in my line of vision.  I looked around then, and nobody, not one person was in sight, though I could see so far into the horizon!  What a wonderful feeling it is - the feeling of being totally alone with nature!

There are a number of trails that take you up and down the gently sloping hills, next to bright green paddy fields, towards streams, and little huts and villages, and lots and lots of cows. 

We walked a lot, and could have walked a whole lot more.  When we wanted a break, we just sat down on the grass, and were silent.  We could see the sights like the one below.  We could hear the lowing of cows, and the strikingly loud noise of their eating grass.  An odd bee or two buzzed around, and the wind whooshed through the trees.    We could smell the fragrant grass, and the pleasant smell of fresh cowdung.  And we could feel the heat of the sun on our backs.  Ah, bliss.


The picture below is that of paddy fields early in the morning - and Shunti, our guide, companion, and Puttachi's obsession for the duration of our stay.  She is one of the three dogs that live in Mugilu, with the couple who runs it.


And when we wanted to get back to the room, we put our feet up, book in hand, and watched this sight from our balcony.  Early in the morning and during rains, this is a specially beautiful sight due to the clouds coming in.


And there are a number of spots around the place, in case that is what you want to do, this ancient, quaint, Sindhu Brahma temple being one of them.  And yes, cows were grazing here too.


 You can tell we had a good time, huh?



Friday, October 11, 2013

"Shame, shame"

One of my favourite sights is that of little girls, toddling around in short frocks, their frilly underwear peeking from underneath.  But very soon (far too soon) as the little girl grows, it stops being acceptable.  The moment an inch of her panties are exposed, people stand around, and apply a look of disgust on their faces and chant, "Shame-shame."

Around the time Puttachi was about two  years old, I started putting shorts underneath her frocks so that she wouldn't get sand in her underwear at the park.  I later realized that this served another function too.  She could jump, and twirl, and turn somersaults, and do whatever it is that little children must do, without people crowding around and shaming her with the shame-shame chant.

I detest that "shame-shame" chant.  See, I understand the need for making children realize that certain parts are private.  But that is what they are - private.  Not shameful.  These are beautifully evolved, highly functional parts that help us excrete, egest and reproduce.  Why on earth should one be ashamed of them? Why should we express disgust at the underwear that covers them?

I struggle to inculcate in Puttachi the concept of which parts of the body are personal and private, in view of educating her about child sexual abuse. I have to remind her again and again about what is private and what is not.   If I had gone with the shame-shame strategy, it would have worked immediately.  She wouldn't have nonchalantly  lifted her shirt to show any random person the mosquito bite on her tummy (which she would have done until recently.)

But I think it is worth it.  It is not likely that she is going to be ashamed of her own body.  It is not likely that she is going to be like the mortified little child who went into hiding because an outsider accidentally saw him in his underwear.

I think it is essential to make that distinction between shameful and privacy, and teach our children accordingly.  What do you think?

Sunday, October 06, 2013

The story online, and a media report

The story, "Kanchenjunga" is now online [Link]

And here is a media report from Asian Connections, Canada, October 4, 2013.


Thursday, October 03, 2013

Won a contest!

Another happy dance from me!  My story, "Kanchenjunga" won the Tagore-O'Henry Short Story Contest.  The prize is $500, which is the largest sum I have won in a writing contest so far.

I'll post a link to the story once it is published online.



Thursday, September 26, 2013

"Duet" - story in Helter Skelter Magazine.

I'm still around :)  Dropping by to tell you that my story, "Duet," has been published in the New Writing Anthology of Helter Skelter Magazine.   

In the introduction to the anthology, writer Sharanya Manivannan, one of the judges, says, "the poignance of Duet stayed with me well into the next day after my marathon afternoon of reading and rating."   

I would love to know what you think!


Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Star

Since a month has  passed since The Star was published in eFiction India, I am putting the story up in its entirety here.

_______________


Vanaja just had to be the best at everything. Even as a child, she constantly competed with everybody. She wanted to have the longest plait, the largest bruise, and the neatest homework. If she jumped rope two hundred times yesterday, she wouldn't rest until she managed two hundred and ten today.

Her mother had no idea how to handle her rather malcontent child, and she soon learnt to let Vanaja do whatever she wanted. Vanaja carried her fierce competitiveness to college, which, of course had to be the best in the city, and for which she worked harder than she ever had. But when she got there, she found that she couldn't top the class as easily as she could at school, no matter how much she worked at it. So, she compensated by enrolling herself in all sorts of events, and winning every kind of prize that could possibly be won.

Right after she graduated (with distinction,) her parents decided that it was time she got married. Vanaja made an exhaustive checklist of attributes, and checked with meticulous care the credentials of every prospective groom against it. Finally she settled on (and married) the one who scored the best in terms of education, career, and looks.

She was the perfect homemaker. You wouldn't find a mote of dust on any surface in the house. She prepared tasty dishes and served them in the best china she could afford to buy. Her home was decorated with the choicest articles, painstakingly selected and bought at excellent bargains from various handicrafts exhibitions across the city. She was a wonderful hostess, always having guests over at home and preparing fabulous spreads. She was always well-turned out, with not a hair out of place.

And inevitably, she transfered all her ambitions to her husband. He had to make the best presentations, buy the best car, rent an apartment in the best complex (until they saved enough to buy) and just had to be promoted whenever his promotion was due.

And when her son Akash was born, she transfered all her expectations onto him. Even at the hospital, she gushed about how his bawl was the lustiest among the babies born on the same day as him, how he weighed the most, and how he was the pinkest of them all.

As he grew, she kept an obsessive watch over his development, charted his every step, agonized over every delayed milestone, and exulted at everything that he did ahead of schedule. She entered him in Beautiful Baby contests and sent his photographs to diaper companies.

Before the year had gone by, she had listed out all the babies in their neighbourhood and confirmed that her son was sleeping, walking and speaking well-ahead of everybody else.

And then, a couple of years later, Vanaja met Akhila at the local park. Akhila's son Prajwal was just two months younger than Akash, and they went to the same school. For the first time, Vanaja found someone who seemed to be nearly equal, or did she dare admit, even ahead of Akash in certain respects.

For Vanaja, Prajwal became the embodiment of all the other boys in the world. To get Akash ahead of Prajwal in every way – this became her sole ambition in life.

She had to concede that it was a challenging task, because Prajwal seemed to be naturally good at everything. He wrote the alphabet and counted upto ten before Akash did. But Akash learned to count up to 100 before Prajwal did, and Vanaja basked in her private glory for days after that.

Akash was far more athletic, but Prajwal was better at colouring, and so Vanaja bought colouring books of all types and put Akash to the task of colouring with crayons, colour pencils, and even paints, in anticipation of further challenges to come.

Prajwal's mother Akhila seemed totally unaware of this contest, and that annoyed Vanaja. It is really irksome when you are in intense competition with somebody who doesn't even know about it.

Everything came to a head when the events of the Annual Day function of the school was announced. For the pre-school play, Prajwal was chosen for the lead role of the naughty child Lord Krishna. Akash was to be a tree.

Vanaja performed the mental equivalent of throwing herself on the bed and covering herself with a blanket. She spent entire days wondering where she had gone wrong. She compared the two boys as they played in the park, looking for any sign that Prajwal was more charming or attractive than her own son, and having genuinely not found anything, again got into a twist about what had gone wrong.

She concluded that in some way, the teacher had become biased towards Prajwal. Perhaps Akhila had sent a better card with Prajwal on Teacher's Day? Perhaps she had paid some underhanded compliment to the teacher at one of the parent-teacher meetings? Perhaps....

This wasn't in Vanaja's hands – that much she realized. So she resigned herself to make Akash the best tree that anybody had ever seen.

She bought him a brown T-shirt and brown trousers to represent the tree trunk. Then she made a large cardboard cutout of a tree's foliage, with a circular opening in the middle for Akash's face. She scoured the hobby shops for felt of the best and brightest green, and cut out actual leaf-shaped pieces and pasted them all onto the cutout. She attached red balls to it to represent fruits.

When she was finished, it truly was the nicest tree that you would have ever seen.

The evening of the performance arrived, and Vanaja sat somewhere in the middle of the audience, camera in hand, waiting to capture for posterity the most beautiful tree in pre-school play history.

The characters came on to stage, little huts, trees, and tiny children dressed as cows and cowherds and village lasses – all of them forming a background for the village scene in which Krishna, the butter-thief was being reprimanded for his mischief.

"They have put Akash right in the middle of the stage," Vanaja whispered to her husband, who nodded. Someone sitting in the row behind her said, "Look at that wonderful tree, with the red balls that look like fruits." Vanaja glowed.

But in spite of herself, she had to admit that Prajwal looked charming, with the little tiara and the peacock feather stuck into it, and that stung her.

On the stage, the play progressed - a group of little girls dressed in sarees scolded Krishna for stealing all their butter and curds.

Just then, one of the boys in the play, dressed as a cowherd, got bored with standing around, and was attracted by the round red balls hanging from Akash's branches. The little cowherd sauntered across the stage, went up to Akash, and plucked one of the "fruits."

Akash's hands were not free, and so he stuck his tongue out and made a fierce face at the cowherd. The cowherd plucked one more fruit, and started bouncing them on stage.

A titter went through the audience. Akash was angry now. He lifted one leg and kicked the cowherd on the shin. The cowherd turned and kicked Akash back.

A few people laughed. Akash tore off the tree from his shoulders, and hit the cowherd with it. The cowherd pummelled Akash with his fists, and in the next moment, the two tots were rolling on the ground, screaming and clawing and pulling at each other's hair.

The audience was in an uproar. Meanwhile, the play was still going on, Krishna had being tied to a heavy stone mortar as punishment for his mischief, and he was dragging it along, but nobody paid any attention to it. All eyes were on the tree and the cowherd until a teacher ran out from behind the curtain, and dragged the two little fighters away.

The audience laughed and clapped, while the play ended unceremoniously.

"Disgraceful," muttered Vanaja's husband. "Why did he have to fight like that?"

But Vanaja did not hear him. She was floating on a cloud of supreme triumph. Nobody would have even noticed Prajwal. Akash was the star of the show.

***

Monday, August 19, 2013

Bega-bega!

This link - The day I stopped Saying "Hurry up"  reminded me of myself. I have spoken about this before, that I sometimes feel like a monster who can only say the words "Bega Bega Bega!"  (Quick!)  I sometimes joke to Puttachi that the word I say most often in a day is "Bega."

I wrote that two years ago, and things haven't really changed much.  Puttachi is still a dreamer.  And I still have to hurry her.  When I am hopping and looking at the time and fretting that it is getting late for school, Puttachi still wants to instruct her eldest doll daughter (in doll language, mind it!) to look after her younger doll daughters.   When I am tearing my hair out that she will get late for badminton class, she still wants to dance and watch her shadows move.  When I am hounding her to go to bed and close her eyes bega bega, she still wants to fluff her pillow up and smoothen the covers until they are perfect, and smile at some memory and..... hug me until my ribs ache.

I detest myself whenever I say bega bega but sometimes there is no go.  That's why I haven't put her in any summer camp during vacations until now.  No way did I want to say bega bega to her even during vacations.

But I wanted to try and see what would happen if I didn't hurry her.  A couple of weeks ago, she came back from school, took off her shoes and as usual, entered her dreamworld.   I didn't say anything to her - didn't ask her to go wash up, or change, or anything.  I just continued with my work. I talked to her if she talked to me, but I didn't bother her at all.  An entire hour passed, and Puttachi went on playing whatever she wanted to play, where a scrap of paper became somebody's food, and where a seed was a precious stone....

And then, suddenly, she realized she was very hungry.  And that led her to the realization that she still had to change and wash.  And that made her angry, and, her bad temper got compounded by hunger, and she threw a very rare tantrum.  Finally, I had to calm her down, help her change, and give her food.  That was when I comforted myself with - relax.  Sometimes you just cannot help it.

Things that help me deal with a dreamy child:

1) A structure and a schedule helps her. I guess when her brain is too full of important things like making paper-pulao for her dolls, mundane things like changing, and washing aren't important.  So we decided on a schedule/time table - we call it Step 1, Step 2, Step 3 - which makes her focus and do every task one by one until she is done with all the boring stuff, following which she can drift away to her dreamland again.

2) Sometimes I set an alarm and challenge her to finish all the necessary but boring work before the alarm rings.  She enjoys this race against the alarm.  But not all the time.

3) At times, I have to lure her with a story to get her work done quickly.

4) If nothing else works, I join her in fantasy-land 

What works for you?


Thursday, August 01, 2013

Beauty parlour epiphany

Going to the beauty parlour is high on my list of most-hated activities.  I keep putting it off for as long as I can, and finally, I call the parlour and quickly make an appointment before I change my mind.  Since I'm wired to honour appointments, I know I'll stop conjuring up reasons not to go, and I'll go.   

The major reason I don't like parlours is that no matter which parlour I go to, they all treat me as fair game to heap me with advice.  Firstly, I am that specimen who doesn't straighten my hair (horrors!) nor colour my hair (double horrors!)  Besides, I apparently have a face that is a great example for the "before" in a "seven signs of aging" cream commercial and I get a whole lot of advice on what I need to do to my face to become presentable, and that usually includes the most expensive facial available at their parlour.  They put me in front of the mirror and map out my face, telling me what is wrong with what part, and all I can see wrong with my face is the frown of anger and annoyance.

Anyway, to avoid getting commented upon, I had started taking special pains to appear my best before going to a parlour.  Know that old joke about the woman who frantically straightened out her home before the cleaning-lady came in, saying, "I can't let her see my house like this?"  I'm like that when it comes to parlours.  I take more efforts to make myself "presentable" to go to a parlour than to go to a party. At a party, nobody comments on my looks directly!

And yes, I knew I was being silly, but I couldn't get myself to stop being affected.  And since I don't like to slather myself with chemicals that will keep my hair and face conforming to the prevalent standards of beauty, and since I am too lazy to research and sustain the use of natural products that are supposed to do the same, it is a kind of status quo for me. 

And then, yesterday, something happened.  I was at the parlour (a new one, because the lady in the old one commented a little too much about my looks) and this girl who was attending to me said the same things - the usual litany of how terrible my face and hair is and what I should do about it.  But - it was perhaps the way she said it, or maybe it was just time for an epiphany - I didn't get angry.  I just stood back and thought, "Shruthi, she's just doing her job."  Just like I cannot bear looking at a badly-written book or a poorly-crafted resume without an urge to edit it.  Just like an architect might look at an ugly building and think, "Oh I would have done it another way."  Just like a tailor sees a dress that doesn't fit well and feels the urge to set it right.  Just like that, this poor girl feels the need to turn my face and hair into that category which current societal standards calls beautiful.  It is not her fault at all.  She has been conditioned by society about what beauty is.  She is just doing her job. 

And then, I relaxed.  I smiled and nodded at everything she told me, and said, "No thanks" to the most expensive facial and hair spa available at their parlour, and asked her to get on with whatever I had gone there to get done in the first place. 

I feel liberated! :)
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