tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post2688994311282223367..comments2024-03-09T02:39:40.253-08:00Comments on Hallucinations!: Some more on a child and its choices.Shruthihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00635222842257175541noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-88648916935867327692012-10-06T02:50:05.942-07:002012-10-06T02:50:05.942-07:00Good post .. Thank you for sharing this post..Good post .. Thank you for sharing this post..ishanihttp://abudhabihelicoptertour.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-5079877559642910192012-06-25T20:47:19.970-07:002012-06-25T20:47:19.970-07:00Ano, great link, thanks! So much to learn from t...Ano, great link, thanks! So much to learn from that! Yeah I've read quite a bit about her too, and I love Big Bang Theory too :)<br /><br />Radhika, that isn't such a bad scenario is it? :) If we've given our children the right ideas about men and marriage, they will choose wisely and well, don't worry :)<br /><br />Anon, oh I see, that kind. Interesting. Makes me want to read more about it! :)<br />About using "he" consciously - it is not so deep! Since I use "she" very often because I am usually thinking about my daughter when talking about parenting, I sometimes make an effort to use "he" to balance it out ;)Shruthihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00635222842257175541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-49927852662805505522012-06-24T15:05:38.983-07:002012-06-24T15:05:38.983-07:00Shruti,
When I said "...reasoning starts at p...Shruti,<br />When I said "...reasoning starts at puberty", I meant that in a technical sense..not in a mundane sense (You can try this experiment...take a small cardboard box. Place one marble inside the box, and one outside, but near the box. Ask your daughter which marble is closer the box and find out what answer you get. You will be surprised to know most children would point finger at the marble outside the box, and not the one inside the box. You can use either English or Kannada language for this experiment.<br />BTW, I wonder why you would use 'he' consciously though!...Don't you think it promotes gender discrimination at the subconscious level? Or, am I just assuming more than what appears to be a simple habit of language usage issue..just curious.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-68095590917188581782012-06-23T04:25:11.993-07:002012-06-23T04:25:11.993-07:00Good post !Good post !Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-19565097622141293542012-06-22T08:32:46.670-07:002012-06-22T08:32:46.670-07:00Shruthi, very useful post for all the parents. At ...Shruthi, very useful post for all the parents. At times, I do wonder if we, the new age parents are worrying too much about how to bring up the child, while for our parents it required no concious efforts. When I asked Ananya how did she take a decision to join for Taekwando classes she told " decision andre Enu antaane gottilla nange! class ge sErkObEku anstu sErkonDe!". It is just as simple as that. And everytime she does something on her own, my imagination grows wild to think what I would do if as a grownup she decides whom she should marry without asking me!Radhikanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-4035116567598401812012-06-22T01:50:11.408-07:002012-06-22T01:50:11.408-07:00Came across this, which I thought was quite releva...Came across <a href="http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/how-to-teach-manners-without-having-to-teach-manners/" rel="nofollow">this</a>, which I thought was quite relevant to this discussion.<br /><br />(Off-topic, Mayim Bialik is pretty awesome. I love Big Bang Theory, and I was pretty impressed with what I've read about her as a person).<br /><br />anoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-19851007032829099812012-06-21T23:58:02.052-07:002012-06-21T23:58:02.052-07:00Thanks Sumana, Wanderer!
Noodlehead, I know what ...Thanks Sumana, Wanderer!<br /><br />Noodlehead, I know what you mean. There are times when I realize they are too young for it - especially when hunger and tiredness take over and everything else takes a backseat. And that line, that line... sigh!<br /><br />CC, glad it helped - but you know, I am so confused myself sometimes - putting things down in writing helps clear my head. :)<br /><br />Anon at 7:38, that's where we go wrong.. we assume that the child is too young to understand this, and follow that, and here, to discern the consequences of its decisions. Granted, every child has different abilities, but we have to stop assuming what the child is capable of, and isn't. <br />And I don't think reasoning starts at puberty. I have observed pretty good reasoning abilities in children as young as two and three. <br />And like I said, there are some areas where we have to step in and make the choices - but there are areas where we could let the child experiment.<br />Btw, the "he" was used totally consciously.<br /><br />Anon at 11:26, any parent has only theories to go by - some parents express it, some don't. Some theories work, some don't. The fact that I write about it doesn't make it right, and that's why I always ask for opinions, because I am learning too.<br />Besides, I know that every child is different, and there is no single correct theory that will work with every child. All we can do is think of what seems like the right thing to do, and then follow it as far as we can.<br />I am aware that for the development of any characteristic in a person, multiple factors are at play, some beyond our control. So what we as parents can do is give our children a nudge in what we think is the right direction. And that is what I am suggesting we do here. After this, what will happen - who knows?<br /><br />Anon at 12:01, I couldn't have said it better.Shruthihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00635222842257175541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-80941159505626537052012-06-21T23:31:53.908-07:002012-06-21T23:31:53.908-07:00Anon@11.26:
I don't think Shruthi is linking s...Anon@11.26:<br />I don't think Shruthi is linking success and failure to choices and cause-effect. She is only suggesting providing choices with all the background to guide the child to take decisions.<br />If the child chooses to experiment, so be it. Shruthi emphasizes to take an informed decision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-40168444931089856142012-06-21T22:56:44.735-07:002012-06-21T22:56:44.735-07:00You asked to talk from our experiences. I hesitate...You asked to talk from our experiences. I hesitated, because experience could burst a bubble.<br /><br />Theoretically what you are doing is exellent. But to say that " if given choices they will learn from their mistakes" sorry. wish it was as simple as that . If only we could simplify that in to "cause -effect" <br /><br />Sorry I have to say this but there is no rule that giving choices will make a child responsible.<br /> Eg: I know about a child who chose to learn one form of music every 6 months and later in life complained that -if only my parents were strong enough to let me remain with one form, I could have been a musician. How would I have known to make the right choice at that age?<br /><br />When one lives long enough one comes across so many such examples that I could say that the result can go either way. Infact it is 50-50.<br /><br />There have been children aplenty who grew up with strict [no choice] households who became great individuals and those who grew up with many " informed" choices who grew up to be aimless, unhappy , self pitying individuals. <br /><br />The vice-versa also happened , of course. <br /><br />So with parenting,we can do what we feel is right at that time. That is good. But to summarize and say " if we do this, this will happen"... well, good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-84814475396736612172012-06-21T21:41:45.984-07:002012-06-21T21:41:45.984-07:00I somewhat agree with Shruthi's blog that if k...I somewhat agree with Shruthi's blog that if kids are let make their own decisions (of course drawing the line where is it needed)make them better thinker and more considerate to other people's feelings and decisions.expressionhttp://myfirstemotion.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-68949210152264741972012-06-21T07:08:43.678-07:002012-06-21T07:08:43.678-07:00Re: my posting about giving 3 choices and making t...Re: my posting about giving 3 choices and making the child to pick one, Shruti said how will we let kids to learn from their mistakes if you do not let them make the choice to begin with. Here, Shruti is making lot of assumptions about child's ability to discern the consequences of his/her choice (interesting to see that Shruti, unconsciously chose the pronoun 'he', and left out 'she'...kids can be boy or girls too,,,just kidding Shruti!). Speaking of learning from their mistakes making them strong, we know that hitting ones head on a hard surface will hurt...do you let the child learn this by hitting his/her head? No...obviously not. We always learn from our parent's/friends/peers experience. Moreover, letting children make their choice depends on the age factor. Biologically, reasoning kicks in around puberty...and during that period, because of biological changes, and gush of hormones,teenager's reasoning ability gets cloudy, and chances are they make wrong decisions...(we have been there, aren't we?). As a parent, we need to make sure we guard against sometimes such irreversible mistakes....Of course, there is NO one solution that's good for every child...each case is different...sometimes, we have to bite the bullet and move on with life when things go wrong even with our best parenting practices.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-6962697108444035932012-06-21T05:28:17.950-07:002012-06-21T05:28:17.950-07:00Shruth, I can't thank you enough for the last ...Shruth, I can't thank you enough for the last couple of posts. Very timely as I was having a parenting-block ( I know I just made that up!) agree with wanderer, you are a well balanced parent indeed. XxCCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-5417151424929928432012-06-21T01:56:04.018-07:002012-06-21T01:56:04.018-07:00interesting topic. but this is not how it works in...interesting topic. but this is not how it works in our house. when we reason with our daughter, she will make her choice and if it doesn't work out, she forgets that we had actually warned her that this might happen! take the eat now or play eg. My child will opt to play for a bit longer and then have a meltdown because she will only realize her hunger when it gets unbearable. despite this, I still let her make her choices because I know that she can only learn from her own mistakes (even something as simple as eating now or later!). No matter how much I wish she could learn from my mistakes or experiences, it will not happen. It is painful to see sometimes, when I know that her choice will hurt or inconvenience her but I still let her carry on with it. And I have no clue where to draw the line. I always wonder how my parents did it for me!Noodleheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08770939455258844517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-16845174793234243742012-06-20T23:27:25.349-07:002012-06-20T23:27:25.349-07:00Completely agree with you. You're such a balan...Completely agree with you. You're such a balanced parent who has her daughter's wishes and choices in mind. I can give my own example of what happens when children are forbidden to decide for themselves. I couldn't think of buying anything from my first salary until I asked my mom if I could. Basically Indian parents thrust their decisions of their children because going forward they want to maintain the same control over them. Do this, dont do this stuff.<br />But not always are people who are let to make their own choices respect others choices. My mother was a free bird at her home. Pampered by her parents she always had her way. But just recently she asserted that we are overlooking her choices in the matter of decision over our lives.<br />So I say, together with letting them make their choice, it must be inculcated that he/she cannot choose for someone else.Wandererhttp://coffeetimeconversations.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11795715.post-6601133002186652232012-06-20T22:59:40.948-07:002012-06-20T22:59:40.948-07:00Very wise points discussed Shruthi. So much to lea...Very wise points discussed Shruthi. So much to learn and unlearn here.Sumanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16894195422278069398noreply@blogger.com