Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Help!

Hello, all you moms and dads and aunts and uncles and anybody who has had experience with babies, I need help!

When she is sleepy, the Little One cries - and cries a lot. (And no, she is not hungry, colicky, and I ensure she is as comfortable as possible.) She becomes restless and bawls non-stop. I need to try a variety of things - hold her, rock her, swing her, sway her, sing to her, walk her - each time, and a combination of all, until she finally falls asleep.

Some friends say that I am very lucky (touchwood) that she sleeps well at night. Yes, that she does, from about 10 to 7 (except to wake up 2-3 times for her feeds, after which she drifts off with no trouble).

Yes, yes, I am very lucky on that count, but what about the mornings, when I seem to be spending half the day only putting her to sleep?

So I have some questions, please do help.

1) Did your baby/babies cry when they were sleepy?

2) How do you make your baby/child go to sleep? Does it sleep on its own, or do you have to put it to bed?

3) I have read a lot of stuff about making babies sleep. Some ask you to just let the baby cry it out, and that it will teach the baby independence. Some say that you shouldn't ignore the babies cries, as it will lead to insecurity and loss of self-worth. Some say, just follow your instincts.

I am totally confused. I can't see her crying - my instinct is to pick her up. Nowadays, after a permanent stiff neck and aching shoulders and pain in my lower back, I try to lie down next to her, pat her and comfort her, and only when she doesn't stop crying at all, do I pick her up - even then I just try and rock her, if everything else fails, I walk her.

What worked for you?

4) Did you use anything to make your child sleep - as in a cradle, joLi (cloth swing), rocker, bouncer, etc? Did it work? Once the baby got used to it, was it difficult to break the habit?

5) People tell me that she will soon grow out of this crying-when-sleepy stage - as she is three months old now. Is that true? Are there more problems yet to come? :D

There, here I am, a mother asking for your advice! Have fun!

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Shruthi,

I'm an expectant mother and regularly watch Discovery channel. I used to watch a program called "The Baby Whisperer" hosted by Tracy Hogg. Each episode had different types of babies to deal with and she would effortlessly demonstrate how easy it is to calm and connect with the baby. Check out this website "http://www.babywhisperer.com". I hope it helps :)

Do let us know if any of her technique worked in calming your Little One :)

Good Luck.

Cheers,
Lakshmi

Swati said...

Shruti,

Donno , what will work for you but let me tell you ,my story.

My baby , who is 13 months old now , used to cry when he gets too sleepy but is unable to sleep.This was at its peak for first four months , now occasionally.He sleeps well at night like your little one.

2-3 things worked for me :

We used a swing after he was 3 months (only during day) and that used to work maximum number of times

1-4 months - Hold him tight in your arms , close to your breast and dim the lights in the room.Put the curtains or whatever.Try covering her face with a cotton dupatta , we did that.He used to doze of within few minutes.

8-10 months - He outgrew the swing and we used hold him on our shouder and he will put his head ,over the shoulder.We used to swing ourselves front to back.

After 10 months - I make him lie between a wall and myself, dim the lights,close my eyes.He plays for 10-15 minutes and since i show no interest he dozes off.

afishcalledgoonda said...

Hi. I dropped in after a long time and just wanted to say congrats on the mommy-hood. Hope you get your answers.

Unknown said...

Hey Shruti
I had commented on your blog sometime back about this.....

I've been going through this routine for the past few months. My baby is well past the 3 months mark but she still has trouble going to sleep on her own.

She would be feeling really sleepy ... we can tell that by her droopy eyes and her lack of interest towards anything else.....but she bawls at the top of her voice as though she is colicky.

Initially we would take her out for a drive as per her Pediatrician's advice but then doing it on a daily basis was too much. Now I ensure that she is properly fed and then make her sit on my lap with some music or the drone of TV in the background nd rock her as though we were traveling by car.......... :-) and by gods grace she has been going to sleep without much trouble for the past few days.....

Do let me know if u find some other better way to put them to sleep......

Prashanth M said...

Sing her a Himesh's song :p

Jokes apart, this is what my sister used to do to my niece. When she is restless, put her on the bed, snug her - the weight of the hand on her used to create some coziness, and sing a lullaby...

Madhu said...

My baby used to also cry when she got sleepy during the first four months. But from when I can remember I had a routine to put her to sleep. I would put her on my chest, her head on my shoulder and sit on a rocking chair and rock her and sing to her. But initially all I would do is keep saying ssssshhhhhhhh near her ear which really seemed to soothe her. I always used to rock her in the chair till she drifted to sleep and then put her in her crib. At 3 months I think they need assistance to be put to sleep. But now when she is 9 months, she can sleep on her own without any of the rocking. She usually goes to bed with us in the night and drifts to sleep after she listens to a story. So the initial rocking and cuddling did not make her get into a habit.
Just trust your instincts..it works most of the times. And if you ask me, no amount of cuddling will spoil your baby and make her get into a habit. She needs all that right now and she is fortunate that she has you by her always to do that :)

Anonymous said...

mom says i used to fall asleep if she caressed my eyebrows :D

Sunita Venkatachalam said...

A new mom asking for advice ? *rubbing hands in glee*

Apha. Finally I find a soul sister. My baby used to trouble me to sleep as well. What's worse, she would trouble to go to sleep and trouble to stay asleep. I tried a variety of methods, cry it out, co-sleeping, rocking, walking, feeding, driving, putting her in the car seat over the dryer on, every goddamn thing.

Some babies have trouble going to sleep, don't believe those mothers who say you are doing it wrong. Have you tried a bouncer? It's a small seat that bounces slightly as the baby moves. We used to (and still do on very difficult days) put her in that, strap her in and gently rock her to sleep.

The coziness of the bouncer was more preferred by poppin than my own arms. However, it does get better as they grow older. Poppin moved from the feeding to fall asleep to rocking on bouncer to rocking on my lap and now from the last two weeks or more, poppin has been going to sleep on her own, i.e. with me lying next to her and sleeping to her..

It will be OK. Don't think too far ahead of what "bad" habits you will teach the child. Ofcourse you must give her a chance to fall asleep on her own from time to time (try every month for a couple of days) but if she needs you, go ahead and be there for her.

Also a tip (well you asked for advice !) always try something new only in the nights. It is not worth the struggle in the day (when the naps are so short). For the day do whatever works even if you think it is unhealthy (like rocking)

Anusha said...

oh what fun it is to mess with a new mom's head ;) mine was just like yours- a horrible day napper, but excellent at night.
to answer your qs = 1 - no, but he would get very cranky - and show no interest in any interaction.
2 - all I have to say is good luck to this one. I had to try an assortment of techniques - the ones that worked - nursing, singing, and rocking in jholi and later, rocking chair.
joli worked best.
3 - follow your instincts - thats what I did and it has helped me so far. as for long term effect, we'll find outI can't answer that yet.
4 - I nursed him to sleep for a long time and now at 23 m, I am trying to break that habit. it is some effort - but IMO it wasn't a dealbreaker. if given a second chance to deal with K all over again, I wouldn't change the nursing part.
5 - mine took till 4-5 months to nap properly. also coincided with the time he started solids, and time I went back to work. not sure if either was the cause.

more problems to come? noooo, not at all! (*evil laugh*)

chitra said...

Where is my comment ?

It was a ather long comment :(

Anonymous said...

Shruthi,

For my niece, the Joli worked just like magic. I almost took to some research to find out why it works! You may want to try that, if you haven't. All the best :-)

Chaitanya

Anonymous said...

A joLi definitely works and the traditional joLi has more benifits too..
- Raaji

AMODINI said...

Shruti,
Kids cry. Don't worry too much unless baby is crying non-stop for like several hours - then there might be something wrong. Yours doesn't right - sleeps at night yeah ?
What worked with my kids :
- the pacifier
- car-rides in a car-seat. Drive slowly around the block and they'd go to sleep
- A vibrating bouncer, this is a battery operated bouncer which vibrates ever so slightly. We would use it just enough to let baby drift off to sleep and then stop the vibrations.
- A baby swing

And sometimes they just cry, I've walked my kids innumerable hours, so don't fret unless you think baby's crying abnormally long. If you're worrying, check with a doctor.

Anonymous said...

Joli worked fine for me (err.. my son) during daytime. I didn't use it during nights, when he was thankfully not cranky (I'm sitting on a wooden chair). Joli plus favourite song worked, almost everytime without fail.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wanted to add, it was not at all difficult to break the habit of a joLi, since he was already used to sleeping on bed during nights.

Abhipraya said...

Shruti,

You've got all the moms and to be moms hooked on :)Hoping you've found a way to calm your little one.

Unknown said...

Try the 5 S's as described by Dr. Harvey Karp.. Our doctor's office gave us a DVD of his techniques before our baby was born and it really helped once she got here.

http://www.biausa.org/WVirginia/crying/Calm.htm
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/10/11/health/webmd/main933313.shtml

Shruthi said...

Lakshmi, thanks a ton - found lots of interesting info on naps in this site.... will let you know what worked :) And oh yes, when are you due? Please keep me informed! :D All the best.

Swati, that's very interesting. Will try out the covering with dupatta thingy. And thanks for the other info also.... will keep all this in mind!

a fish called goonda, thanks :) And have I told you I love your name? :D

Chitra, yeah I remember you each time she falls asleep in the car :D - I cannot imitate the car's movements effectively enough, I guess... doesn't work for me :D Will let you knwo what works, though!

Prashanth M, heh heh :D I tried this - but she just springs up like a jack in the box..... doesn't work :(

Madhu. yeah... I remember you told me this when we met. In fact, I started that Shhh sound right in the beginning, after you said it works for you. Rocking worked initially - not anymore. And thanks for the encouragement :)

Anon, you must have been a very nice person - this kid doesn't let me touch her face :(

Shruthi said...

Poppins mom, thanks a ton for all the tips. Besides, it makes me feel better that I am not alone :) Yeah I have researched the bouncer. Will watch for a couple of weeks more and if I cannot find a way to put her to sleep effectively, I might go in for that - let's see.

Kodi's mom , shiver shiver!! :O
Oh yeah, nursing to sleep is the best - only if she's sleepy. Each time I hope she is hungry at her sleep time :D As I read your comment, I was about to ask you if it wasn't difficult to break the habit, but you answered that yourself. Let's see how I can work that out.
Thanks a ton, Kodi's mom!

Chitra, ohhh which one? I assure you I haven't messed with anything :(( Please please write again??

Chaitanya, Chaitra, Raaji, not a joli, but I have tried swinging her in a bedsheet when she cries too much. It silences her only till the swinging is on. She doesn't fall asleep, and resumes crying once I stop swinging her.

Raaji, Hi, long time! Same Raaji, who used to comment long back? :)

Amodini, Oh yes, kids cry, and I am not worried about that. I know she is a healthy little thing, and that's ok. the only thing is that I have no idea why she has to cry when she is sleepy instead of going to sleep! Oh if it had been me, I would have so gladly fallen asleep!
Thanks, you made me feel better :)

Abhipraya, :)) working, working!!

Deepa, thanks so much for the links! Very interesting. I have followed 2-3 of them instinctively or by trial and error, and yes, they do work sometimes. Will try as it is in the link.

Pradeep Nair said...

Shruthi, well, I am a father, of a 14-year old son. When he was an infant, he wouldn't sleep unless someone carried him and walked.

People used to tell me, don't carry him and put to sleep, he will get used to it. But the fact was he soon grew out of that habit.

Some children cry because they are too sleepy. So, by trial and error, find out when it will be appropriate to make her sleep.

Don't worry, all kids grow out every habit they have.

Your last question: are there more problems yet to come? Answer: First, don't look at anything as a problem. My wife used to say, "When he grows up, we will be free of all problem, he will manage himself." Today, as a teenager, he gives us as many worries as he was when he was an infant. But that's only if I look at everything as a problem.

This is not to frighten you. Enjoy parenthood by taking things as it comes.

The best gift a parent can give the child, is right background, support and emotional comfort. Even if a child is in pain physically, let her never be in pain emotionally.

chitra said...

shruthi,

I know you would nt have done anything to my commnt. gor after all it was an advise. As usual , and now a mother, i can say that I dont get bored of repeating my advises!!!!

I was just trying to tell you that a baby just like animals know what they want. if they need to slep, no matter what they will sleep , and eat. Honestly, i have never forced a feed on my baby .

As for irritability is concerned , we all are when we feel sleepy and are disturbed. Why dont you make her sit in front of TV : either National Geographic , or sports channel. The child has to get tired, So we used to take him out to our friends. Did a lot of walking with the child.

the end result isi have a kid who prefers out door activities even now rather than his books :(


You asked for it !!!

Kishen dot Das at gmail dot com said...

Well, I have taken care of my nephew right from the first week, as my sis got hospitalized. Putting him in a jole ( cloth Swing !!! ) always worked for me. I used to swing the jole vigorously and sang all sorts of songs ( bhaava geethe, keerthana , swara jathi , geethe, old film songs , gene kelly, Charles Ray etc !!! ). Since I was in my 9th standard, I don't think I was very gentle to him. So being in a dangerous swinging jole and listening to my ghardhaBha gaana, he did not have any other option but to sleep. Kind of escapist's attitude !!!

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Anonymous said...

its been a long time... so its not an advise now..just sharing... actually nothing works... my son kept me awake almost all time, day & night, till he was some 1.5 yr, taking short naps himself. full night sleep came at abt 2.5 yr :( for the younger one, luckily at abt 10 months. one has to just endure throught this phase :)

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